Life Goes On
by Centaurus
Summary: After the War, Shepard struggles to move on in his life. With his fears, his friends, and his love, maybe he'll pull through. Rated M for language, violence, and sexual situation. Of course, I do not own Mass Effect or any of its characters, it belongs to BioWare.
1. Still Sleeping

**A/N : Hello everyone ! This is my first ever fanfic, so I thought a lot before publishing this, and I hope you'll enjoy it ! It's a Shepley story, with an Earthborn, Survivor of Akuze, and full paragon Shep. Done every mission and every DLC of course. I am not an English native speaker, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me some feedbacks, don't hesitate to correct some mistakes I made (this is very useful for me, and it is also for your comfort !), and PLEASE leave some reviews !**

 **This is not a "ME3 end is bad" (in my opinion, with the EC, it is a very good end), I just wanted a happy ending with the synthetics, that is all. I did not decided yet about a date of update, I'm in exam period (yeah, I'm smart to publish this at this time hehe). Hope you'll enjoy !**

Today, it has been three months. Three months since the Crucible fired. Three months that Adrien Lucas Shepard freed the galaxy from the Reapers.

It was a tough war. Every race in the galaxy lost a lot during it. Earth was almost destroyed, as Palaven, Thessia, or Rannoch. But life goes on, and every species began to rebuild everything, with an inter-species coalition. Krogans were on Earth or Palaven helping with the remaining rubble of collapsed buildings, Geths were monitoring schematics to build houses, farms, or orphanages – for all the children left alone by the war – which could be used at a top efficiency to produce food and home for everyone.

But this day also marked the third month of Shepard's coma. Three months in this hospital bed in Paris. He grew up in France, in the streets, alone, his parents having left him without looking back. Even after he joined the Alliance, he wondered why. What he did wrong to be abandoned like that, to feed for himself. He never had the answer, and probably never will. He had to find a way to survive in the streets. He was in a gang during his childhood, the Tenth Street Reds. A little gang that turned into a criminal organisation after the First Contact War. He was good at that, robbing, scaring people. But he met David Anderson, an Alliance soldier, and everything changed for him.

 _The boy was on the ground, bleeding, face on the floor, mouth opened, breathing heavily. His comrades had left. He had lost the fight after all, it was his fault. He was alone. He had broken bones, a shiner, and a very long cut made by a knife on the forehead, near his hair. The back alley was very dark, and it was almost certain that nobody would see him until tomorrow. But an Alliance patrol had been warned about a fight in this little street by a neighbour. The soldiers spotted him, and came near him_

" _Come on, it's a rat! Just leave him here. You know how they are! They were born in there, rat you were, rat you will be."_

" _It's just a kid Brewster! We can't leave him here. He is coming with us. He needs medical attention. I'm sure he is starving."_

" _Aaaah, Anderson, always here to help, uh! The Saviour of the Rats!"_

" _Shut it Brewster, it's our job to protect people. Why are you even in the Alliance if you can't save a kid's life?" The little boy began to regain consciousness_ _ **.**_ _Surprised, he tried to flee. "Hey, come on little guy, I'm here to help. What's your name?" The little boy hesitated a little, fully aware that he could not go anywhere._

" _Adrien..."_

" _Okay Adrien. My name is David Anderson, and over there it is Marshall Brewster. You are fine, okay? You are wounded, we are going to take care of you. Do you understand?"_

Since that day, Shepard never left Anderson. He was like the father he never had. He became a N7, the elite of the Alliance, Survivor of Akuze, then the first Human Spectre, Saviour of the Citadel, Destroyer of the Collector, and finally, Saviour of the Galaxy. He came a long way. From the streets of Earth to the most famous human in the galaxy, adored by every species. He cured the Genophage, managed to end a long war between Quarians and Geths, and destroyed the "pro-human" organisation Cerberus.

"This is Evdokia Belyakova from Gossalaxy, reporting directly from Paris, France, Earth. Like always, information on Shepard's health are not communicated, but our sources signalled that he is still in a coma. He is stable, and improves each passing day, but there is still no sign of him waking up anytime soon. Will the Saviour of the Galaxy will wake up one day? All the galaxy is wishing this. However, a question remains! Does Shepard have a g..."

The TV was turned off. In Shepard's hospital room, Ashley Williams was about to go back to her place. The visits were not allowed after 7:00pm. Today, she was alone. Nobody came by. She was glad. Sometimes, she wanted to be alone with him, in this tiny room. A bed, a nightstand, and a chair. He was the only one to have a room just for himself, with a big window showing the huge City of Lights being rebuilt. Sometimes, she would just stare outside, looking at the workers, at the crowd walking, laughing, talking, because they were alive, because Shepard sacrificed himself so they could do all of that. At some point, she wondered how people could go on in their lives while Shepard was not, how the entire galaxy could move on while he was stuck in this bed. It was unfair, but it was what it was.

"It is time for me to go, Skipper. I'll see you tomorrow. You were nice today. Your condition is improving each day... I miss you, you know... I wish you were with me to see how each world comes back to life...Anyway, good bye."

She kissed his forehead, and went away. She'd come every day to see him. She was the second Human Spectre, and the current commanding officer of the Normandy. With David Anderson now gone, her present job was to head the reorganization of the Alliance fleet with Major Coats and Admiral Hackett. It will take time, but the situation was improving day after day. After her work, she'd come see him. She talked about her day, what she saw, who she met. She'd tell him about her sisters, her mother, Garrus, Tali, and of all the others, as if he was going to answer. As if there was not the beeping of the heart monitor or the tubes in his mouth.

He had improved. Before, there were a lot of machines, monitoring his breathing, injecting nutriments, analysing his brain. When he was first wheeled in, he could not even breathe on his own. That had broken her heart. Now, he was better. After that, she would pray, kiss his forehead, and go back home. And each day, it was the same thing. Every day, she would wake up, wishing it will be the day where he would finally open his eyes and smile the way she loved, and everything would be perfect. They would be together, and everything else would not matter anymore. He would not fight for his life anymore. For the first times in years, he would be happy. _With_ _her_. He would never be alone again, not like during his childhood.

But when the day will come, he will be broken. He lost a leg and three fingers from his right hand. He lost a lot of muscles mass while in coma. But it was not only physical. Psychologically, there will be sequela. What he saw up there, in the Keepers' tunnel, or the vision of the Prothean beacon. And the nightmares of this little boy... But she was ready. She wanted to be with him, to help, no matter what. Because she loved him. And she knew for sure that he loved her too.

She arrived at her place, a little prefab suburban house. Paris was a beautiful city before the Reaper War. Now, there were a lot of prefab buildings to house everyone. Roads were cracked, houses and skyscrapers a pile of ashes. But night and day, work shifts relieved each other to give access to shelters, water, and electricity to everyone. Around Ashley's house, some houses were already finished, and some buildings were almost done. Nonetheless, she preferred to stay in this little prefab house, it was easier to see Shepard. For some time, she lived with her sister Sarah. Her family knew for Shepard and her. When he died over Alchera, she was broken. But fortunately, her family was there, like always.

It was time for dinner, and like always, she was dead on time. Her house was very simple. A bathroom, two bedrooms, a little kitchen, and a living room, with a couch and a table to eat. It was still difficult to have food, there was a rationing, and the fact that she was an Alliance officer did not change that, everyone was treated the same. She sat at the table with her sister. Lynn, Abby, and her mother Madeline were not here, they went back to Amaterasu, but Sarah stayed. She had some papers to deal with for the death of her husband, Thomas, who died during the war. Her little sister was still hurting, but she was getting back onto her feet. The grief was over, she had now to move on. Today, Sarah made vegetables. Beans, with some onions.

"So, how is he?" said Sarah.

"Still asleep...but he improves. The nurses say his brain activity is high. But they don't know when he is going to wake up..." Ashley answered, sighing at the end.

"He earned a little rest...and with everything which is going to be thrown at his face with the reconstruction and you, he needs this rest!" told Sarah, with a weak smile, trying to cheer her sister up.

"Yeah...maybe. It is hard you know. Maybe he is not going to wake up at all..."

"Oh, come on, Ash! Do you lose faith in him? Or in God? Your prayers will be answered. Just give Him time, He has His hands full with everything which is going on out there. And Shepard always beats the odds. You know him better than me."

"Yeah...but I miss him, you know. At least now, we have time. For us."

"It's okay to miss him. It's normal. I missed Thomas a lot. But think about your future. It is worth it, don't you think?"

"Yeah, you are right..."

Ashley finished her meal, kissed her sister, and went to bed. But as usual, before going to sleep, she read a poem for Shepard.

" _J'ai laissé dans des flaques de larmes  
L'acier de mes armes  
Des sombres vents  
D'avant  
N'en reste que poussières furtives  
A jamais captives,  
Du passé  
Trépassé..  
Car tu m'as ouvert la porte du bonheur  
Cet unique seigneur  
Lumière  
Bannière  
En Face duquel, les autres dieux ne sont rien  
Que dogmes incertains  
Que relents  
De sang.  
Dors mon ange  
Le futur nous lange  
Les nuits prochaines seront nôtres  
La sérénité en sera l'apôtre  
Je m'arrime là  
A côté de toi…. _"

And then, everything was quiet.

 **So, tell me what you think ? Shepard is French because it is easier for me to describe France than another country such as England, for obvious reasons ^^**

 **The poem is "Je m'arrime à côté de toi", from Christophe Bregaint.** **I am sorry that it is not an English poem, but since I am French, it was far more easier for me to find a love poem in French than in English. And of course, Ash read French poetry to Shep to be "closer" to him, y'know ?**

 **Updated on 28/05/2015 : I added some details, corrected some mistakes I saw.**

 **Updated on 17/12/2016: Added some details, changed some sentences, corrected some mistakes.**


	2. Finally Awake

**A/N: Hello ! My exams are almost finished. My week was full, but now, I have a little time to write. Hope you'll enjoy, and FEEDBACK, REVIEW please!**

Ashley Williams entered Shepard's hospital bedroom. Today, Garrus came back from Palaven to see his buddy. Garrus Vakarian was one of the closest friends of Shepard. He was there, from beginning to end, from the hunt of Saren Arterius to the push toward the beam. He helped him a lot while with the Collectors. Ashley was glad he was there. When she turned her back on Shepard, the poor man was lost. But Garrus was there, helping him through this. Ashley still regretted her words, but she did not regret to not have followed him. She was an Alliance soldier, but if she could go back in time, she would never have said those horrible things to him, and maybe they would have been together before his arrest.

"Hey, Garrus! How are you? Things are getting settled on Palaven?" She hugged him before sitting on the chair next to Shepard's bed.

"Hey Ash. I'm fine. Palaven is doing great. Better than I thought. Krogans are really helpful. Who could have thought about this some years earlier? Turians and Krogans working together? It's better than killing each other." He stood next to the bed, looking at his friend's face, battered and bruised.

"That's great then! Same here on Earth. Every race is collaborating, this is unbelievable. How's Tali doing? I heard she went to Rannoch not long ago?"

"Yeah, the Admiralty called her to help with the settlements. She has already begun to build her house. What is your human thing, 'lay the cornerstone' or something?"

"Lay the cornerstone, yes."

An awkward silence settled. Both were watching Shepard breathing. His torso rising up and down slowly.

Garrus spoke quietly "How's he doing?"

"As usual...he's doing great, his brain activity is okay...but this is it," said Ashley, sadly.

"Don't lose faith. Just be patient-"

"I'm patient. It's been three months. Almost four."

"You know him. He likes to keep people waiting. He showed it at the Council Chamber with Sovereign, then with Cerberus, and now, he keeps doing it." Ashley gave a weak smile.

"He is worth it after all."

A comfortable silence fell over them, each of them looking at Shepard with a smile on their face. The tube was removed from his mouth earlier today. He looked more alive. "Did you two talked about what you were going to do after the War?" asked Garrus carefully.

Ashley hugged her knees close to her chest and laid her chin on them. She smiled weakly. "Yeah, sometimes, when he was in his good moods after a victory. He said that we would settle near my family. He knew how important they are for me. What I know for sure is that he was going to retire. He was so tired of everything. I understand him. But yeah… it was a nice thought…" She sighed. "What about you and Tali? Should we expect something in the near future?"

Garrus was about to answer, when both of them heard a small noise coming from the bed. It was a small groan. Shepard. His eyelids were fluttering. Ashley immediately pushed the button to call the nurses. Footsteps were heard in the corridor; the nurses were probably running. Someone calling them in Shepard's room meant that something was up, since he could not do it himself.

Ashley approached his bed, took Shepard's hand, and asked softly, "Adrien, do you hear me? It's Ash. Please wake up!"

The nurses then arrived, waved for Ashley to move aside to have a better sight. Shepard was still trying to open his eyes, his breath speeding up. And there, his eyes wide opened. He was breathing heavily, trying to know where he was, put names on the faces he was seeing in front of him. He felt something. More precisely, he did _not_ feel something. Several things in fact. He tried to move his left leg, but nothing came. He began to panic, breathing even more heavily. He put his right hand on his face, trying to hide the powerful light of the sun, but something was wrong. He looked at his hand. Only two fingers. The middle finger and the forefinger.

He knew that if it was still missing, it meant that they could not have done a transplant. And that meant that the medical equipment was not fully repaired. He'll have to wait. Months. And maybe years if it was worse than what he thought. He could not do it. He could not live like this, waiting for a transplant which could possibly never come. It could not be true. He was dreaming.

"My...my hand, where're my fingers! And my leg, where is my leg!"

The nurses tried to calm him down, failing miserably. Ashley then came into view.

"Adrien, it's okay. You're okay. You're in a hospital in Paris. It'll be fine, you-", she said gently, holding his hand.

"Where is my fucking leg! I want my leg back! My fingers!" He was lost. He was yelling, trying to stand up. "What did you do to me!?"

The nurses had to pin him down on the bed and inject him a sedative. He continued to fight against the nurses holding him on the bed, yelling, and slowly drifted back to sleep, his breath slowly returning to normal. The nurses checked his vitals, saying he'll be awake in a couple of hours, and left. Ashley was still in shock, the mouth half-open, the hand in front of it. What was that? He was a mess. More than she thought he would be. She never saw him like this. Garrus put his three-fingers hand on her shoulder, taking her back to reality.

"He was just surprised. Don't worry. He'll be better. He needs time. He has been asleep for almost 4 months, he was just disorientated," said Garrus with gentle eyes.

"I know...it's just...I never saw him like this Garrus...How am I supposed to help him?" Tears were coming up to her eyes. She tried to hold them back but failed. Garrus hugged her, whispering in her ear.

"It'll be fine. You'll pull trough. _Together_." He drew back, smiling weakly. "I am sorry, I have to go. Call me if there is something new. I'll try to come again as soon as I can. I promise."

"Thank you Garrus. Be safe."

They hugged, and Ashley was left alone in the room. She watched him sleeping peacefully. His reaction...it was horrible. _Did he react like that when he woke up in this Cerberus lab?_ She thought. It was almost the same, being awoken after two years of being dead. She sat on the bed, and fondled his cheek with the back of her fingers. What did the future hold for them? She knew the military was everything to him. He'll still want to bear a gun, run on the field, save people, even if he expressed his wish to retire.

But with a lost leg and three lacking fingers, it was impossible. He knew it the moment he felt something was wrong. And this was the problem. Shepard wasn't the kind of man to speak about his problems. It took time for him to open up about his past. It was after the death of Sovereign, during their shore leave together, when they were at their closest that he spoke about his childhood. He told her almost everything, but it was with great effort. He wasn't very comfortable, scared she would judge him. He had always dealt with his problems alone, since he was a child.

Nobody knew about his nightmares except her. Those nightmares...He had some of his childhood, where he was in that gang, some were of Akuze, where he was yelling to his comrades, seeing them being eaten alive by Thresher Maws. Lately, it was of a little boy. A little boy he saw in Vancouver when the Reapers attacked. He tried to save him, but the boy did not follow him. And he saw him being killed in a shuttle by a Reaper. In his dream, he was chasing the boy, while hearing the voices of his fallen comrades. Kaidan, Mordin, Legion... When he was about to catch him, the boy burned. Once, before the attack of Cronos Station, he burned with him. Ash did not know about this one.

She slept with him this night, but he did not tell her about his nightmare. In fact, in his cabin, she found a little notebook, and in it were notes of all of his nightmares. There were the dates, where it took place, who was in it, what happened. Everything. That is why he did not speak about it. It was his way of dealing with it. But it seemed that it did not work anymore. However, he still didn't talk about this.

He was like that. Stubborn, and always willing to help others, but when it came to him, he would shut down everyone. It was _his_ problems, _his_ responsibility. He had to deal with it alone, to avoid disturbing the others. They did not need this. They had other things to worry about. However, he'll have to open up this time, it was indispensable. Otherwise, he'll be falling into the depth of depression. No, no, it was not possible. After everything they had been through, they could not have just a little peace?

Ashley was lost in thoughts when she heard Shepard groaning again. He slowly opened his eyes. She lowered her voice as best as she could, trying to reassure him.

"Adrien it's me, it's Ash. It's okay"

He moaned. "Thirsty."

She went to the bathroom and took the tap water. She came back with a glass, and put it to his mouth. "There, slowly," She was maintaining his chin up with her other hand. "Better?" She asked, smiling fondly at him. She put the glass on the nightstand next to his bed, and sat in the chair, taking his hand in hers.

"Yeah, thank you." It was his only answer. He was staring at the ceiling. Ashley was about to ask him if he was okay when he spoke, timidly, as if scared of the response. "The War? Is it over?" He locked his eyes with hers, almost pleading to tell him yes.

She smiled lovingly "Yes," she said while fondling his cheek, "it's over Adrien. They're gone. You don't have to fight anymore. It's done." Tears were coming to her eyes. Shepard closed his eyes, sighing, tears rolling down his cheeks. She leaned on and kissed his forehead. He let himself go in the embrace, enjoying the warmth of her full lips. She pulled away, took his hands again, with tears on her cheeks, and locked eyes with him.

"I missed you so much," she said, biting her lips, fighting to stop crying.

He managed a smile that turned into a grimace when he tried to move. "How long have I been out?"

"Almost four months."

"Four months!"

"Yeah, you have a lot to catch up," she said, smiling. He stared at the ceiling once again.

"Anderson..."

"I'm sorry. He did not make it. There will be a memorial for him. You'll be there. I'm sure he is proud of you"

"Yeah..." He lied. He killed him. The gun was in his hand when it fired. He killed his mentor. His father figure.

A nurse came in, noticing Shepard awake.

"Great, you are finally awake! You're not going to yell at me again, are you?"

"No, sorry…when I am going to have my limbs back? What are my injuries?"

The nurse looked at him and Ashley. "That's okay. Miss Williams, I am sorry, but it is time for you to leave, visits are over. I'll come back in a couple of minutes to check on you, Mr. Shepard, and I will explain everything. Good bye Miss Williams." The nurse left to give them some privacy while retrieving her medical tray to change his bandages.

"So… I have to go. Sorry." She was a little disappointed, she had hoped to spend more time with him. She kissed his forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow, I promise."

"See you tomorrow then." He answered, quietly. He was still staring at the ceiling, lost in thoughts. He was somewhere else.

She left, a little unsure. What was happening to him? _I have to call everybody to tell them, otherwise, they'll kill me_.

 **A/N : There ! Tell me what you think, I'll be happy to hear about it !**

 **Updated on 28/05/2015 : Some details added, and I corrected some mistakes.**

 **Updated on 17/12/2016: Added some details, corrected some mistakes.**

 **Updated on 23/03/2017: Corrected some mistakes**


	3. The Pain

**A/N : Hello everybody ! The incoming chapters will be a little dark for the couple, but it will be better afterwards, do not worry ^^**

The couple of weeks after Shepard regain consciousness were calm and identical. Ash came after work to see him, and they would spend time together, speaking, thinking, or just holding each other. Adrien began to walk with crutches, but it was difficult for him with three lacking finger to correctly hold them. He gained back a little muscle mass, but he will not be out of the hospital so soon. He needed some time to rest.

Physically, he was fine. Psychologically, it was something else. Sometimes, he would wake up and not speak a word in the day. Hackett came by, but he stayed evasive about what happened up there. "The Reapers are gone, that's the only thing that matters" he would say, but the public wanted to know. When they found him, they also found Anderson's corpse. He knew he was gone. A memorial will be held, but not now. He just wanted to be here for the only father figure he had in his life. But he did not want to speak about the Crucible, the Citadel, or anything related to the war. It was in the past, over, finished. Finished. Forever. He still couldn't believe it.

Today was a bad day for Adrien. He was in a bad mood. His physical therapy did not go well. He felt weak, pathetic. During his therapy, he fell at least a dozen of times, trying to walk. He was with a lot of other people, all watching "The Saviour of the Galaxy" making his firsts steps. All eyes were on him. He did not like it. Of course, it showed that he was still human, and that he fought hard during the war. But still, he did not like to be seen as weak as in physical therapy. Sometimes, he was feeling so ill-at-ease that he would stop everything and go back to his room.

But today, he wanted to do better. He failed. He fell. His leg was shaking, his back was aching, as his arms, his torso, his hips, his neck...Everything was aching. He was constantly in pain. The nurses asked him if he wanted painkillers but he did not want to be in a pool of medication until he got off the hospital. He was alive, he wanted to feel it. But it was hard to bear. Each day, it was the same thing. You would wake up in pain, eat your breakfast in pain and in difficulty because your fingers are not here anymore, and you are not used to use your left hand. Then you'd go to your physical therapy, always in pain. Then psychologist, visit of Ashley, maybe of some members of your crew, dinner, and sleep. In pain. Always in pain. Everything in pain. It was all about pain. From head to toe.

He was trying to hide it as best as he could, but Ash was not a fool. She knew him too well. She knew he was in pain. She'd tried to help him, but there is nothing she can do, except be here. But when she was not there, he had nothing to do but think. Think about the war, what he saw, the friends he lost, and the future.

What future did he have? He had a lacking leg and three missing fingers. He was disgusted by his body, with all those scars from the surgeries. The field, it was over now. What else could he do? Nothing.

The Alliance, it was, - and is -, everything to him. There is nothing else he can do. He was in pain physically and psychologically. He still had those horrible nightmares about this boy. Sometimes, he'd wake up during the night, and just couldn't go back to sleep. In the dark, he used to see all of his comrades who died during the war, all the civilians who were taken by the Collectors.

And he'd sees himself killing Anderson, in a never-ending loop. It was the worst. He'd wake up when Anderson hit the ground. And all night long, he wonderered about what he could have done differently, what he _should_ have done, and what was to come. And of course, he thought about Ash. He knew it was hard for her, and he was so sorry, _so so_ sorry to make her suffer like this. He had to tell her. He couldn't bear it anymore. He'd be a burden for Ash.

The door of his room opened itself with a swoosh, and Ashley entered, smiling at his sight.

"Hey Skipper, how are you today?" she sat on his bed and kissed his forehead.

"Fine. You?" He faked a weak smile.

"Fine. I brought you something to fill all of your free time here." She showed him a bag, and took a small box out of it.

"Thank you, that is nice." He opened the box, and in it laid a poetry book of some famous writers, with some pieces of vessel to be built. On one of the pieces was written 'SR-2' "Thanks Ash."

She kissed him again, smiling. "You're welcome. So, how was your day?"

"Bad. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I know I have to do this. But I'm tired. I want to finish it."

"Hey, it's okay, that's normal. But it will be over soon, and you will be home," she said, cuddled against him in his bed, her head under his chin. A silence settled before Adrien spoke again.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

She raised her head suspiciously. "Yeah, what is it?"

He hesitated, before saying "I've been thinking a lot lately about…you, me, us…the future…"

She propped herself on her elbows, and really looked at him in the eyes "…And?"

He took a deep breath, avoiding her gaze, suddenly very interested with the blankets of his bed. "I've thought about my…condition, and yours, and I'm just thinking…how can it work out?" After that, he couldn't stop. "I mean, I'm a cripple, perhaps I'll never be myself again, I have all of this baggage with me, and I'm just telling myself…how selfish I am to bring you into this, Ash…"

"What are you trying to say?" she said harshly, angry, but scared of where he was going. _He couldn't, not after everything we've overcome…_

" _What_ I'm trying to say is that…I think you'd be better off without me. Don't get me wrong Ash. I love you, always have, always will…but I just don't want you to carry that. You have your career as an Alliance officer, you're a SPECTRE…you don't need to add 'taking care of a cripple' on your CV…"

She just couldn't believe it. She removed herself from his arms and stood, glaring at him, eyes brimmed with unshed tears "Are you…breaking up with me?"

It hurt to say this to her. But it was for her own good. She didn't deserve this. This suffering, this burden. "…I guess that what I'm trying to say is that…yeah. You should find someone else. With all of his fingers and legs. Someone who can walk without crutches. I'm not myself anymore. You suffer because of me, and you will suffer even more if you stay. I'm a load for you...You should go."

It hurt. It hurt like hell. How can he tell her something like that? _Who the hell does he think he is!_ She waited almost 4 months next to him, every day, to be there when he woke up. She knew it'd be hard, but she stayed. And then he tells her to go and find someone else? She knew he was thinking that it was better for her, because that was true, she _was_ suffering. But _she_ had decided to be here. She had decided to be here because she _loved_ him. After what happened on Horizon, she promised herself she'd never let him go.

That was what she was going to do.

"No way."

He sighed. He knew it was going to be difficult. _Stubborn as always_. "Please Ash, listen to me. I'm doing it for you. I'm willing to let you go if you want to. I'll understand. That's normal after all. Look at me. I'm not myself. I'm good for nothing anymore." He couldn't look at her. He couldn't. He stared at the ceiling.

"I will _not_ let you go. Never _ever_ again, you hear me? I love you. I don't care about your leg and your fingers. I care about _you_ , not your body. It's true that I'm hurting, but you're hurting too. Don't try to hide it. I know you too well. Don't shove me away again Skipper. Please."

"I'm not a skipper anymore. I'm a broken man, Ash, can't you see? I'll only brig misery…you should go now." It was hard to say this to her, he loved her too. Hell, she was the only thing he had left here. He cherished her more than anything else here. But he was doing it for her. She deserved to be happy, not to be with a broken man like him.

"Don't do that Adrien. You need me. And I need you. Don't do it." She had tears on her cheeks, and she was just shaking her head from side to side, denying his pleas.

"Please go." He closed his eyes, biting his lips. He did not want to cry. It had to be done. For her.

She looked at him, and went away. Her heart was broken. She couldn't believe it. She was crying all the tears of her body. She loved him. She loved him so damn much that it hurt. She was so happy to see him go on his therapy, each day making progress, regaining his shape. And suddenly, everything was gone. She knew he loved her too, that he thought it was better for her to be far away from him, from his PTSD, his nightmares, and his pain. _My God, his pain_. He tried so hard to hide it, but of course she noticed.

Each time she went to see him, he was in pain. Everyday. All day long. Every damn minute, every damn second, he was suffering. And she hated it, to see him go through it. But she was there. And now, she was not anymore. By the time she reached her home, she was still crying. Sarah was not here. She went back to Amaterasu. She went to her bedroom, climbed into her tiny bed, and cried. All night long, her knees pressed to her chest, with the light of the moon filling her bedroom.

The next day, all her tears had been used up. She was like a zombie. She ate her breakfast, and went to work. She had so much to do. Reorganizing the Alliance Fleet was not an easy task. She had to choose candidates to replace officers who died during the war, send some ships to that or that colony, and do a lot of paperwork. But her mind was somewhere else. She was thinking about him. What he was doing, what he was thinking. Was he okay?

Since he woke up, she had always been there, asking if he needed something. She didn't want him to lack of anything. She even requested Miranda Lawson to be here, watching every step of his recovery, and Kelly Chambers as his psychologist, since she knew him very well with his mission against the Collectors while he was with Cerberus. She couldn't do it. She couldn't be so far away from him while he was so near. She just couldn't. They had been through so much together. Saren, the Reapers...London. She was not here during the Collectors or his detention, but they were together now. Well, not exactly, but she will not give up.

After her day, she went back home. On her way home, she just passed next to the hospital where Shepard was. It was hard to not go in and see him. She saw the window of his room. It was dark. There was no light inside, as if it was empty, just like her heart. Before arriving, she could just observe all the progress made about the reconstruction. There were still a lot of prefab buildings, but not as much as before. Now, even families had a home for themselves. She opened her door, and went straight to her kitchen. _I need to drink something_. She just had time to settle with a glass of whiskey when somebody knocked at the door.

"Hey"

"Hey Garrus. Come in. Do you want something to drink?" She went to the kitchen

"No thank you. I just came to see how you were doing. I saw Shepard today. He told me everything." They sat on the couch. He eyes her whiskey glass questioningly.

She noticed his stare, but just shrugged. _I'm big enough to handle myself_. "I'm not well. At all. It hurts a lot."

"You know, he thinks he is doing the right thing. I told him it was stupid, but you know how he is…always want to be the selfless guy… I don't know, he hits his head or something because I feel like it's gotten worse…remember when he tried to shield you with his body when we were fighting his clone, and he took a bullet in the butt?" Garrus' talons moved, proud of his joke.

Ashley chuckled. _That_ was funny to watch. "Yeah, I remember the look on Chakwas' face…Priceless. He had troubles sitting for some days because of that." A silence sttled before she spoke up again. "I don't know what to do Garrus…"

He sighs too, rubbing his three-fingered hands together. "Listen. I have to stay on Earth for several weeks. I'll come see him as much as I can, and I'll try to speak to him. Just... I don't know, just be patient. I know this is hard but it will be fine…I'll find something."

"Thank you Garrus. For everything."

"That's okay. I owe him a lot. He's like my brother."

They hugged, and Garrus left.

She sat on the couch. Alone. It was so strange to not have seen Adrien today. She already missed him. She called some of the Normandy crew. It seemed that everybody was doing well. The rebuilding on each planet was not over yet. It will take years. But it was in the right track. Each world will recover. And Shepard too. She knew it. He will. He always does. He was her Skipper. Her man. Her love. She wondered what he was thinking right now? But it was time to go to bed. She prayed, and took her poetry book.

" _Rien n'est jamais acquis à l'homme Ni sa force  
Ni sa faiblesse ni son cœur Et quand il croit  
Ouvrir ses bras son ombre est __celle d'une croix  
Et quand il croit serrer son bonheur il le broie  
Sa vie est un étrange et douloureux divorce  
Il n'y a pas d'amour heureux_

 _Sa vie Elle ressemble à ces soldats sans armes  
Qu'on avait habillés pour un autre destin  
A quoi peut leur servir de se lever matin  
Eux qu'on retrouve au soir désœuvrés incertains  
Dites ces mots Ma vie Et retenez vos larmes  
Il n'y a pas d'amour heureux_

 _Mon bel amour mon cher amour ma déchirure  
Je te porte dans moi comme un oiseau blessé  
Et ceux-là sans savoir nous regardent passer  
Répétant après moi les mots que j'ai tressés  
Et qui pour tes grands yeux tout aussitôt moururent  
Il n'y a pas d'amour heureux"_

...but then, she fell asleep...

" _Le temps d'apprendre à vivre il est déjà trop tard  
Que pleurent dans la nuit nos cœurs à l'unisson  
Ce qu'il faut de malheur pour la moindre chanson  
Ce qu'il faut de regrets pour payer un frisson  
Ce qu'il faut de sanglots pour un air de guitare  
Il n'y a pas d'amour heureux_

 _Il n'y a pas d'amour qui ne soit à douleur  
Il n'y a pas d'amour dont on ne soit meurtri  
Il n'y a pas d'amour dont on ne soit flétri  
Et pas plus que de toi l'amour de la patrie  
Il n'y a pas d'amour qui ne vive de pleurs  
Il n'y a pas d'amour heureux  
Mais c'est notre amour à tous les deux"_

In his hospital bedroom, Shepard closed his book, sobbing. It was for her. For her own good.

 **A/N : There, another chapter. The poem at the end is a wonderful poem written by Louis Aragon, "Il n'y a pas d'amour heureux", from** _ **La Diane Française**_ **(1946). You can find a very well-done translation by googling "There's no happiness in love", and taking the second link : "Il N'y A Pas D'amour Heureux - There's No Happiness In Love" from Experience Project website. As usual, feedback and review are appreciated !**

 **Updated on 28/05/2015 : I added some details and corrected some mistakes**

 **Updated on 22/03/2017: Added some details, corrected some mistakes.**


	4. Those Noises

**A/N : Hello, sorry for the delay ! I had to think a lot about where I wanted to go with their problems. I have a lot of ideas for later in the story, but I don't have much for this part. So, I had to think a lot, and I come up with this. Feedbacks and reviews are always appreciated !**

 **Hope you'll enjoy this chapter, and just so you know, I updated the previous chapters. Thanks to SpectreStatus and YorkshireFox for their review ;-)**

* * *

"You have to talk now. It is important. Otherwise, I can't help you."

"I don't need any help. I'm fine." Shepard stared at the wall in front of him. The white wall. The white hospital-like wall. The room was tiny. Two chairs, and a desk. In this white sickening office. Kelly was very patient with him, but during the last couple of days, she pushed him a little more at each appointment, insisting that he had to open up. He didn't want to. He was stubborn. And tired of all of this.

"It doesn't look like you're fine. You're not sleeping very well, are you?"

"I am sleeping well."

"So why do you have those dark rings under your eyes?" Kelly asked with a little smirk.

"Because the physical therapy is hard." His answers were short and harsh.

"And I see that you lost the ability to express yourself with full sentences too. Is it a sensible subject for you? Because if it's not, I don't understand why you are on the defensive when I talk about it."

That was true, he had to admit it. But it didn't mean that he had to talk about it.

"I told you, it's because of the physical therapy." He lied, but she was a psychologist after all, she couldn't be fooled with this absurdity.

He wasn't going to budge. Kelly decided to change the subject. "Okay, so you don't want to talk about it. Fine. What about the physical therapy then? You keep telling me that it is difficult and exhausting. Tell me about this."

Shepard sighed. He was bored to death. She was always there 'talk about this, and that and blah blah blah'. It was her job, of course, and he preferred to have her as a psychologist rather than a stranger, but still, it was annoying. If he didn't give her a piece of his mind, she would just wait, asking him one million questions, until he answered to at least one of them. Sometimes, it took hours. He didn't want the appointment to last that long today, so he gave up. He wanted to go back to his room and sleep.

"It's hard. That's it." He sighed, rubbing his hand in his hair.

"Why?" She looked at him and typed on her keyboard some notes.

 _Why do you think?!_ "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I have one leg and three fucking missing fingers?" said Shepard ironically. "That tends to make everything a bit harder than it should."

"You know that this is not a fatality. You'll have a transplant. Miranda is working very hard for it, and she'll make sure that you have one as soon as possible."

"I know that. But it's taking so long. I just want to go out of this hospital, and I want, I _need_ this transplant, because you know, beside the field, I have nothing to do."

"Of course, you have, Adrien. You can just help with rebuilding effort, help the Alliance fleet, or the Council. Your diplomatic skills proved to be very efficient during the war, and you could use that to help the galaxy as a whole."

"Yippee! I'm feeling so much better now." said Shepard sarcastically. He was behaving like an ass, and he knew it. Kelly didn't deserve this, it wasn't her fault. She was just trying to help. "I just hate politics. I've spent years trying to convince them about the Reapers with my 'diplomatic skills' and no one listened. Look what happened. I don't want to work in that field. I hate politics, I hate politicians. I was only doing it because that was the only way." He crossed his arms in front of his chest, sighing.

Kelly softened. "I know that, Shepard. For now, you can't be on the field. Think about this as a new mission. You have to adapt to your situation. You can't be on the field for now? Fine, it means that you have time for yourself. You can see your friend, read, watch the last Blasto. Just use this time for yourself. To take care of yourself. You put your life aside for almost four years. You earned this rest Adrien."

Shepard just stayed silent, so she went on. "In those last four years, how many times have you been on shore leave? Twice? Maybe three times? No wonder you were on your breaking point. As for your disabilities, yes, you have missing limbs, but you are alive. You can walk, you can speak, you can see. You are lucky. I don't want to make you feel guilty 'You are alive while other aren't so stop whining' because that would be unfair. You sacrificed so much to win this war, and you couldn't save everyone, that's just a fact that you need to accept."

He sighed. "I know…"

"Then take the time available to see your family. You've put your own well-being and happiness aside for so long, Shepard. You need this."

"I know that, too. Everyone is so busy, sometimes I just want to be alone."

"I understand, Shepard. But really, seeing people that you care about will help you. You should ask Miss Williams to come by more often, she is groundside for now." She smiled at the end. She knew about Ashley and him when they were with Cerberus. After Horizon, Kelly talked to him, and told him about the message he received from Ashley. She saw he was shattered after this encounter. But apparently, she did not know about the last conversation between Ash and him. _She was probably busy lately, I didn't see her for a week now_.

She studied him for a while. He wasn't looking at her. His expression was blank, empty, as if his soul had vanished from his body. She will ask about Ashley later. She pushed him more than usual today, and he had spoken. It will do, for now. Tomorrow, she will continue. "Okay. It's done for today Adrien. As usual, if you want to speak, just give me a call, whatever the hour. Have a nice day."

Adrien quickly sat up with his crutches, and went for the exit. "Thank you, you too."

"I'm tired of this shit", he mumbled. He was heading to his room. In the corridor, he was directly in contact with other injured soldiers, from all around the galaxy. Some of them recognized him, saluted him, thanked him for what he had done. The hospital was very welcoming. No journalists, no crazy fan services. Just injured soldiers trying to forget what they saw during the War. He was about to enter in his room, but he was interrupted by a husky voice calling him.

"Hey, Loco! _¿Cómo estás?_ " James called, waving to him from afar. The marine was built like a Krogan, with a huge scar across his face, and tattoos on his body. A lot of tattoos. He got a 'N7' tattoo when he was on the Citadel after the Cerberus coup, to 'celebrate' his integration in the program. He'll have to succeed all the steps to be an official N7 as him, but Shepard was not worried. He will get it.

"Hey, James! What are you doing here? I thought you were on a mission with the Normandy." James gave a pat on Shepard's shoulder as a greeting.

"Yeah, I'm just here to catch some supplies and doing some repairs on your ship. It will take a day or two. So, what's up, Loco?"

"Errr...can we sit somewhere? I just can't stay up with those stupid crutches all day long. What about grabbing some food at the cafeteria? I'm starving there."

"Aye aye, Loco".

They walked together towards the cafeteria, James catching the eyes of a lot of women, and even some men, walking alongside the Saviour of the Galaxy with a confident gait.

"I see that some things don't change." said Shepard with a smirk.

"What can I do? I'm just _irresistibilie_ , Loco. I'm sorry for you, man, but it seems that the ladies have a preference for me. And my shape," answered James, giving his biceps a whack and a kiss. Shepard chuckled. It was the first time since he said to Ash to go away.

He still thought about her a lot. Every night, he would read a poem, or several when he couldn't go back to sleep because of the nightmares. He wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking. He missed her. He knew he told her to go away, but it didn't erase the pain he was feeling. She was everything he had left here. And he couldn't be with her because of his health.

He suffered before, he was suffering now, and he will suffer without her. But he was willing to do it if it meant that she didn't. He wanted her to be happy, and she would not be if she had stayed with him. He loved her, so he will make sure she was happy. He didn't want to scare her, wake her up every night because of his nightmares. And lately, some noises just were too much to bear. They reminded him of Reapers, banshees, husks. When it came, he just put his hands on his ears, clenched his jaw, moaned, on the floor, trying to slow down his breathing.

Sometimes, he would scream, he would yell at the Reaper troops to go away, to leave him alone, but it didn't work. He didn't want the others to see him like this, so he tried to not scream or yell anymore. And every time, it was worse. More violent, longer, more intense. The noise was in his head, exploring his brain, squeezing his heart, burning his eardrums. For now, he managed to hide it to everyone. But it will not last, and he knew it.

He was so lost in thoughts that he didn't even notice that they were at the cafeteria, sat at a table, with a plate of food. Well, it looked like food. A kind of mashed potatoes with some strange vegetables, probably some spinach and carrots. The cafeteria was not full yet, but almost. It was usually occupied by soldiers with crutches, wheelchairs, or with bandages on the head, the arms, or other parts of their body. Shepard really liked them. They weren't all over him, thanking him for everything. When they did, it was with a lot of respect, but they let him have his privacy, and he was glad.

The tables were very simple. They were made of woods like the old time. And there was always this stupid white colour. It was everywhere. He was disgusted by it. It reminded him of the medbay, the Cerberus lab, the hospital. All the things he hated.

"Hey Loco, you're okay? You didn't say a word since we're here. Something on your mind?" James said, the mouth full of food.

"Sorry." Shepard had his fork in his hand, and with it was touching his food. He didn't eat a mouthful yet. "I'm a little tired. Kelly was very insistent today."

"Ha, well, it wouldn't bother me if she was insistent on me. I'll let her do whatever she wants!" declared James with a grin. "So, did you talk a little, Commander? I know that I'm about to repeat the same thing than everyone else, but it can do some good to you, you know. You're alone here almost all day long."

Shepard sighed. _Not again…_ He was tired of everyone telling him what to do. "Stop right there James." Shepard stared at him.

"Owwh, okay there." He threw his hands in the air, as if he was showing that he will not do anything. He changed the subject. "But hey, in fact, I wanted to see you to thank you. Since the Alliance lost a lot of N7, they have to recruit a lot of new ones, and quickly. I am almost done with the formation, and it is thanks to you. So, _muchas gracias_ , Loco." He saluted him. "I didn't beat your scores, but I was near!" he extended his hand towards Shepard, who took it gladly.

"You did good James, you're a hell of a marine. You deserve it...I'm proud of you, Lieutenant Vega." Shepard said, smiling.

"Thank you, Sir. It means a lot coming from you."

They ate their food in silence. When they were finished, James spoke up

"So, Loco, what are you planning to do in the future, when you're out of here?"

"Nothing. What can I do with this?" answered Shepard, showing his hand and his leg. "The medical equipment is not good for now. I'll have to wait a long time for a transplant. Maybe I'll never have one..."

"With all due respect sir, this is bullshit. You can do a lot for the galaxy. You united the Geth and the Quarians, cured the Genophage, and killed those fucking Reapers. You're not done. You could ask for some favours."

"I don't want to do that, James. I don't want to use my status to have a transplant in priority while a 6-year-old kid might need it."

"I understand. Well, you could always settle down, Shepard. You gave everything to the Alliance and the galaxy, so staying away with _Loca_ would be a nice option."

" _Loca_?"

"Ash."

Shepard stared quizzically at him. _How does he know?_ "What are you talking about?"

"Come on Commander! All the crew knew about you and Williams. It was pretty obvious." He smirked.

"What do you mean 'It was pretty obvious'?"

James rolled his eyes. "Come on…there was that time when you went to Apollo's Café, and she was there too. Or there was that time when we celebrated at the Citadel, and you two disappeared for quite some time. When you came back, you were both… dishevelled."

Shepard's cheeks reddened. He didn't remember that they had seen them leaving for the bedroom during the party…"There are regulations against this. We can't."

"It didn't stop you before"

"I am not the one I was before. It-"

He didn't have the time to finish his sentence, as James omni-tool pinged. He muttered a sorry and watched a message he just received. He closed it and stood up

"Sorry, Loco, but I have to go, Admiral Hackett wants to see me. I'll come back as soon as I can."

"That's okay, James. Thank you for your visit, and congratulations for your 'almost N7 graduation'".

"Thank you, Sir. Listen, I'm saying this to you as a friend: go talk to her. She really cares about you. I saw her through a vidcall for Spectre business a few days ago, and she wasn't good at all. I don't really know what's happening now, but do it."

"I'll think about it, James. Good bye"

"Commander." He saluted, and left, leaving Shepard alone with his thoughts.

He came back to his tiny room, and read a poem. He checked his mails, some Extranet websites, called some of his crew. Liara was on Thessia, helping with the rebuilding effort of each world with her Shadow Broker resources. Garrus was here on the Citadel, but he had been called by the Primarch on Palaven for Krogan settlements with Urdnot Wrex, Urdnot Grunt, and Bakara. Jack was with Kahlee Sanders in an Alliance facility, the Grissom Academy station being destructed, still teaching. Miranda and Oriana were with Jacob and his pregnant wife Brynn, on Amaterasu, just for the time being, but being assigned as Shepard's personal physicist, Miranda was on her way back to Paris. She should arrive the next day.

He didn't call Joker, Samara, or Zaeed tonight. It was late, and he was tired. He needed to rest. As he was about to fall asleep, it came. He began to breath heavily, searching for something to defend himself against those horrible creatures. It was totally dark in the room. His eyes were wide-opened. He was wriggling in his bed, gasping for air. A piercing sound penetrated his brain. It was the scream of a banshee. It was as if the sound enveloped his brain, cutting it with a knife over and over again. Shepard covered his ears with his hands, closing his eyes, clenching his teeth. He fell on the floor, and the noise became louder. He opened his eyes, and the blue shining eyes of a banshee greeted him. Gasping, he sat and went backward until his back was on the wall. The sound grew louder and louder, and the banshee followed him.

"Stop it!" he yelled. He took his omni-tool and bought up the light. The banshee was not there anymore. He was on the floor, alone in the dark. Everything had vanished. All you could hear were the breathing of Shepard, and his sobs.

* * *

 **A/N : Yeah, it ends on a sad note :p**

 **To answer a question : yes, there will be a plot, but not yet. The galaxy is rebuilding. And by the galaxy, I mean everyone, every world, every race...;-)**

 **Hope you enjoyed. If there are mistakes, don't hesitate to point these out, and don't be scared to post a review :)**

 **25/03/2017: Added some details, corrected some mistakes**


	5. You Are Not Alone

Kelly stared at Shepard, a gentle smile on her face, trying to coax him to talk. Pressing him for answers didn't really work, she just had to be patient.

"What were you doing on the floor?"

"I don't know. I fell."

She knew that he was lying. "Adrien...You were far away from the bed. What were you doing on the floor?" The use of his first name was meant to show her willingness to help, but Shepard was having none of it.

"I fell."

"You have to stop being so stubborn."

"I fell. That's the truth. Why can't you believe me?"

Patience is a virtue. For Kelly, this proverb was true, especially when she was talking with Shepard. This morning, the nurses found him sat back on the wall, on the floor, exhausted. He kept telling them that he had fallen, and was in too much pain to get up and go back to bed. However, it could not be true. He could not have fallen that far from his bed. It was impossible. But that stubborn man would not stop: he fell.

"I'm a psychologist. This is my job. So, you know that I can't believe this story. I'm not that stupid."

"I never said you were stupid, Kelly."

"No, you didn't. But stop hiding. You can tell me everything here, it will never leave this office. I'll help you."

"I'm fine, I don't need any help. I'm tired, I want to go back into my room." Shepard said, harsher than he intended.

Kelly wasn't impressed. "Oh? So, the man next to your room just dreamt your screams yesterday? Maybe he is the one who needs help after all."

Shepard looked up, his face showing guilt and surprise. _Shit_. Somebody had heard him. _That's great_. He shouldn't have yelled.

"No...It's...When I fell, I woke up and...and I fell on my arm so I was in pain," he mumbled, trying to find an explanation.

Kelly sighed. Even when she had evidence he wouldn't admit the truth. "It wasn't a scream of pain. It was a scream of fear. Adrien… if you have any problem, it's normal. You woke up after several months in a coma, you spent three years fighting the biggest war the galaxy ever saw. Having PTSD does not mean that you are weak, insane, or whatever you think it makes you look like. It's a normal process. You don't have to be ashamed about that."

Shepard's gaze hardened. "I don't have PTSD. I fell on my arm, that's it. End of the story."

"Are you sure?" Kelly enquired, insisting softly.

"Yes." He stared, challenging her to back down.

Kelly waited. She kept on looking at him, not in the least intimidated by his gaze. They were communicating with their eyes.

 _Let it go._

 _No, I won't. You are lying, and you know it, Shepard._

She had had enough of this. He was too stubborn. She had to wait for an opening, something that will have to change his mind, force him to open up and really speak about his nightmares and his screams. She had an idea.

Kelly dropped her gaze. Shepard smirked. "Okay Adrien. I'll see you tomorrow. Until then, think about it, and if you want to talk, just give me a call."

"Yeah yeah. Goodbye," he stood up, satisfied, and went for the exit.

Just before he left, Kelly added, "You know, everyone has a huge respect for you. Admitting that you have PTSD does not make you any different from all the other soldiers, and isn't it what you want? Being seen as a normal human being, and not the hero the media picture you to be?"

Shepard stopped, but didn't answer. Kelly watched him leave, and as soon as he was out of sight, she called Miranda. She searched in her computer 'Dr. Lawson', and clicked. The image of Miranda appeared on the screen. She had cut her hair as a short bob several days ago. Ashley had granted her an office and an official post as personal doctor for Shepard. Her ties with Cerberus had been erased from her dossier, it was her only condition to work for the Alliance.

"Hello, Kelly," said Miranda with a bright smile. After the Reaper War, she took great care of Oriana, her twin sister, and Shepard. She changed a lot since the Collector mission, thanks to Shepard. She was smiling, laughing, going out with her friends. At first it was very difficult, but Shepard had respected her, deeply, during their time with Cerberus. She also gained the respect of her peers as a doctor, and didn't need to be the Ice Queen anymore.

The crew was grateful. She never thought about saying no to Ashley about Shepard's recovery. It was the least she could do to thank him.

"Hello, Miranda. How are you?"

"Oh, fine. I just finished a report. I heard about what happened with Shepard this morning. I checked on him, there is nothing wrong. Nothing is broken, all his readings are fine."

"Actually, that's why I'm calling you. I don't think he fell. A patient heard him yell."

Miranda frowned. "I suspected this too. He was too far away from his bed. Why do you think he is lying?"

"He certainly has strong PTSD. He doesn't want to accept it. I wondered if you could put a small camera in his room. A very tiny one, I don't want him to see it. It has to be very discreet."

"Are you sure about this? You know that he is a very private person. He'll be _very_ angry," asked Miranda, a little uncertain.

"Yes. I want to see him in his room when he is alone."

"Out of context, it could be very strange, you know. Don't say this to Williams," she teased.

 _Miranda making jokes. Guess everyone changes,_ thought Kelly. "Very funny, Miranda. But seriously though, I really need this. And I want a camera which has a night vision. Yesterday, it happened during the night. I want to be able to see."

"Okay then. Where is he now? I'll find it and put it in his room."

"Thank you, Miranda. He just left several minutes ago," Kelly said.

"You're welcome. So, I take it he still doesn't talk?"

Kelly sighed. "No. He is very quiet and all. He is depressive, and he's denying it. Every day, this is worse."

"He has to face it, one way or another," Miranda said gently.

"Exactly. That's why I need this camera. He can't deny images."

"You're right. Listen, I have to go now, but tonight, the camera will be on. See you later, and let me know if there is something wrong," Miranda smiled.

"Yes, don't worry. Thank you and see you later."

The screen went off. Kelly smiled. He will not be happy about it, but he needed it. She may have lost the gaze battle, but she didn't lose the war.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

"That's very smart. The Fifth fleet will stay above Earth. What do you think about the Third and the Sixth?"

"I think some colonies in the Terminus System need some help with the rebuilding. Maybe the Alliance can send some ships. The Krogans will support us, no matter what. I don't think the Terminus System will decline such an offer. They can't survive alone. So, the Third and the Sixth fleet can be sent to the Terminus System, with several Krogan troops. Maybe some Geths too, they didn't respond yet. I'll have the answer soon."

"This is a great idea, Lieutenant Commander. You're free to go Williams. I'll deal with the First, Second, and Fourth fleet." Hackett said.

"Thank you, Sir." She saluted and left.

 _Phew, what a day_. Ashley was glad this was over. It was a great honour to be chosen for this work, reorganizing the Alliance fleet was a very important task. But she was eager to go back on the field, she was a Marine after all. Her father would be so proud of her, to see her like this. In about three years, she got promoted from Gunnery Chief on the SR1 to Lieutenant Commander and Spectre. The main reason being Shepard. Shepard...He was a big part of her life now.

The night they shared before Ilos was wonderful. That night changed everything. Shepard changed everything. At first, he was just a handsome commanding officer with a fantastic ass. But then, he began to talk to her everyday, as with the rest of the crew. She began to tell him about her family, her sisters, her father, her faith in God, and her love for poetry. He listened, and seemed very interested. He also changed her. She was xenophobic, well...she was not very kind with Garrus or Tali at first. Shepard explained her a lot of things, that it was just History, that there has been a lot of water under the bridge since the First Contact War.

She was the granddaughter of General Williams, the only human who had surrendered during the war, at Shanxi. Since then, the Williams family was cursed in the military. It was not the fault of Garrus or Tali. She understood. She followed his advices, and now Tali was one of her best friend with Garrus. He changed her for the better. Before his death, they spent their shore leave together. They had to be discreet because of the rules against fraternization, so they were going on date to quiet areas, small restaurants, small hotels. It was wonderful, magical. They were happy.

But then he died. He died in front of her eyes. She saw him dying. Just here, before her. He died. He died and she was lost. She loved him. She really loved him. And he was gone. Forever. She went home and just threw herself in her mother's arms, crying. Her mother held her. She was crying all the tears of her body, muttering 'He's gone' over and over again, as if trying to convince herself. She went on like this for three months.

Once, she woke up, and decided to change. Shepard wouldn't like her to do that. She went to see Anderson, and asked him to find her something to do. He did. For two years, she worked. She was promoted quickly to Operation Chief. But then, she saw him on Horizon. With Cerberus. She was lost, hurt, happy, and surprised at the same time. She insulted him, calling him a traitor while he was trying to explain himself. But she left him. Alone. She turned her back on him. She wrote him something, an apology for her behaviour, but she never had an answer.

And then, the Alpha Relay Incident was all over the Extranet and on the news. He came back to the Alliance, but she never saw him while he was detained on Earth. She was scared. For six months, she was near him, but never saw him. Unfortunately, the Reapers came and destroyed everything. They got reunited. While she was injured at the hospital, he came, they talked, and patched things up. She almost shot him when Cerberus tried to gain control of the Citadel, but she saw the truth in him. This was her Shepard. They came back together. Before the attack on Chronos Station, it was the same night as Ilos. A wonderful night.

He changed everything in her life. Everything. But now, it was like he was gone again. She missed him so much...her omni-tool chimed. She brought her arm up, and saw it was a message from Kelly Chambers.

 **From: Chambers, Kelly**

 **To: Williams, Ashley**

 **Subject: Shepard's health**

 **Hello Ashley,**

 **I would like to see you in private as soon as possible, concerning Shepard's health. I'm not going into details here, but this is very important.**

 **I'm available now, so you can come if you're free too.**

 **Kelly Chambers**

 _Okay, that's strange_. She sent her 'I'm on my way' and walked towards the hospital. There were still a lot of cars and trucks around it, rebuilding everything. In fact, the hospital was one of the few remaining building in the district. Alliance officers and Geth units were guarding the hospital day and night. Ashley entered the building. It was very different now. There were not as much people as before, it was quieter, but the noises of the reconstruction outside were very loud. She went straight to Kelly's office. She passed next to Shepard's room, but he was not in it. It was empty. She found her office, and knocked.

"Come in," she heard. The door opened itself, and Kelly smiled at her. "Hello, Ashley."

"Hello," she sat on a chair which was nearby. "So, is there a problem?" she saw Kelly winced.

Kelly cleared her throat. "Something happened this morning. The nurses found Adrien on the floor, his back on the wall. He told us that he fell during the night and was not able to climb back in his bed."

"What? Was he injured? How is he?" Ashley asked, worried.

Kelly reassured her. "He is fine. But I called you here because I think he is lying. He was too far away from the bed. Plus, Miranda checked him later, and he has nothing wrong."

Ashley looked at her questioningly. "Maybe he fell and just went to the wall to be more comfortable."

"Maybe. But there is something else. One of the patient heard him scream. He said it was a scream of somebody who was scared, frightened. I think he is depressive. He has huge PTSD, but he is denying it."

"Shit…" She was very worried now. She shouldn't have left him. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes. I took a decision. With Dr. Lawson agreement, we are going to put in his hospital room a camera. We're going to watch 24/7 to see his behaviour. It's for his security, and for his health."

"There is nothing else you can do?" Shepard liked his privacy, Ashley knew that. "Maybe it's a little bit extreme? He is not going to like it if he finds out."

"Yes, we know it. Dr. Lawson will put the camera on today."

The decision was already taken, it seemed. "Oh...okay then. I would like to have some updates on his health, if it's possible of course," Ashley was a little hesitant. All the crew knew about their relationship, but she didn't want the Alliance Brass to hear about it. It would be awful, for both of them.

Kelly smiled gently. It was the opening she needed. "Yes, there's no problem. But you could also come see him. He's alone almost everyday, besides I or Miranda, everybody else is on duty, elsewhere. You're here, so you can come see him."

Ashley dropped her gaze, and answered hesitantly. "Yes, but errh, yes, it's-Yeah, but no." Kelly stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate. "It's complicated."

Her eyes widen in surprise. _I thought they were together, did I miss something?_ "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you two were…together."

Ashley sighed. "We were."

Kelly looked at her quizzically. "So…you don't want to see him anymore? Are you scared of him…or of his reaction?" she asked slowly.

"What? No! No, never. It's not this!" She hesitated. "It's...It's him. He-He doesn't want to see me anymore. He told me to go away, because he didn't want me to suffer. He thinks he'll be a burden for me. So...I left. I shouldn't have," she fought back the tears by looking at the floor and biting her lips.

Kelly reached out for Ash's hands, and she squeezed. "Don't worry, he'll heal. He is going to fight, okay? I'll do everything in my power to help him through this. I'll call as soon as I have news," she smiled to Ash.

Ash squeezed back. "Thank you. If you need anything, just call me. Thank you very much," she stood, and hugged Kelly. She whispered "Thank you," and went away.

In the afternoon, Kelly received a message from Miranda.

 **From: Lawson, Miranda**

 **To: Chambers, Kelly**

 **Subject: Camera is on**

 **Hello again Kelly,**

 **I put on a tiny camera which cover all of his room. It's next to the window, on the upper right corner.**

 **You can watch him from your computer or from your omnitool.**

 **If there is anything else, call me**

 **Miranda Lawson**

Kelly brought up her omnitool, and watched in the room. It was working. "Perfect." She smiled.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Shepard's stomach rumbled. _Shit, I should have eaten this crap_. He just came back from the cafeteria. The meal didn't taste very good, so he ate a little bit of this, and a little bit of that. But it wasn't enough, he was hungry. The sunset outside was beautiful. It made everything shiny, glimmering with beauty and pride. Even the rubble were beautiful. A sunlight washed over his face. He hid his eyes with his hand.

A curious sensation came. It gave him goose bumps. He felt something. A presence. Someone. Or something. The sun was intense, even during the sunset. He closed his eyes, and turned around. He stopped dead in his track. A banshee was just here, in front of him, in his room. Suddenly, it yelled, and advanced slowly toward him. Every time, it was like his brain exploded, crushed by a giant's feet, as a cigarette butt. It squeezed inside. He fell hard on the floor, panting.

 _It's in my head, it's in my head, it's in my head. Not here. Not here. No no no no._

He opened slowly his eyes, scared. It was still there. They were head-to-head, staring at each other. Another noise. He looked at the door. It wasn't the banshee. A Brute. A powerful deep sound. When he looked at the banshee again, she had disappeared, and he felt the ground tremble.

 _It's in the hospital. Shit._

He tried to stand up. He grabbed his crutches, walked over to his bed, and pushed it. He pushed it with all of his strength, just in front of the door. He knew the Brute could destroy it, but at least, it gave him time to think about what to do.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" He said to himself.

He sat next to the door, on the left, where the Brute could not see him. He took his omnitool and hacked the door security system. He locked it. Nobody could enter without his agreement now. A simple door and a bed would not stop a Brute, but for now, that was it, he had nothing else.

"Adrien!" He heard Kelly call him.

 _What the fuck?!_ He was dreaming, he could not be possible. There was a Brute in the corridor and she was roaming in the hospital!

"Adrien, it's Kelly, open the door, please."

 _What?_ So, she was in the corridor, with a Brute. And she was asking him to open the door. If she was alive, that meant that the Brute didn't attack her. _She's with them! She's indoctrinated!_ She had betrayed him, like he had betrayed Anderson.

"No! You're with them! All of this, it was a facade! They want to get me! You thought I was stupid, uh! Go away! I will never open those doors!" He was angry, and scared. With Reaper technology, you could hack everything in just a few seconds. He didn't want to die, not when Ashley thought that he didn't want anything to do with her…

He heard her go away. But she came back a couple of minutes after. She kept speaking to him, telling him that it was false, it was just his mind playing tricks.

"I'm not insane! Stop telling me that I'm insane!" He yelled at her.

It lasted ten minutes. Then, Kelly just went away. He didn't really know why, but his brain was burning. The noises were coming by waves. Loud noises just boomed in his room. He moaned in pain, put his hands on his ears, clenched his jaw. It stopped as fast as it came. And it came again, and again, and again. Each time louder, heavier, more intense.

"Adrien, please open the door."

At the sound of her voice, he rushed to the door, unlocked it, pushed the bed away, gripped her wrist, and pushed her in his room. He locked again the door, and put back the bed in front of the door. He took again her wrist, and they sat on the floor.

"What are you doing here? Are you crazy?" He whispered, scared that the Brute could hear them.

She watched him intensely. She put each of her hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at her in the eyes, and whispered. "There's nothing Adrien."

"What? Of course, there-there is a banshee. There was a banshee here! And there's a Brute outside. What were you thinking, coming here!" He stared at her, he was very angry.

Ashley sighed. He was lost. "Adrien, look at me," she was just inches from his face. She could feel his breath, heavy and fast, on her face. "There is nothing. Brutes, banshees, husks, they are gone. Forever. Okay?" She fondled his cheek lovingly.

"No ! There was...They're here. Please, I'm not insane, I saw them, I'm not lying!" He began to look at the floor, his eyes full of tears. "You have to believe me, I'm not crazy."

She smiled sadly. "I know you're not crazy, honey. You're just really tired. You killed them all, remember?"

He nodded, and burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Ash. I love you, I don't want you to go."

She needed to be the strong one. She couldn't cry right now. "It's okay, I know."

Suddenly, a loud and heavy noise came. He screamed, and groaned. He put his hand on his ears. He put his forehead on the floor, like he was praying, and moaned. His jaw was clenched. And then, it hit her. She came to the window. Outside, trucks had just started up. Huge cranes were moving, loading the trucks with rubble, large rocks, and pieces of wall. Those noises were loud. Too loud. She rushed again to Shepard, who was still on the floor, groaning. She sat, cupped his face, and locked eyes with him. He was in pain, frightened, and tired. He was a mess.

"Please, make it stop." He was begging her.

"That's okay. Tonight, you're going home with me okay? You're not staying here alone anymore. I'll take care of you." She kissed his forehead.

She held him here, kissing his forehead from time to time, resting her cheek on the top of his head. The sunset was gone. The only light being the night-light on the bedside table, enlightening Ash's eyes and Shepard's tears.

* * *

 **A/N : Poor Shepard...**

 **Thanks to theaterman007 for his review. Go check his story "After the War", that's worth it guys. As always, feedbacks and reviews are appreciated.**

 **See you next time, and take care of you.**

 **28/05/2017: added some details, corrected some mistakes**


	6. Some Peace

They were still on the floor. Shepard had calmed down. He was still depressed, but he was a little better. Ash stood up.

"I'm gonna find Miranda and Kelly. You're going home with me tonight, okay? I'll ask James to help me with your stuff, I think he went back today," she said softly.

"Yeah..." He was still a little scared and weak, but he could do it. He could go home with her.

"I'll come back," she kissed his forehead, and went to exit the room.

Adrien unlocked the door with his omnitool and Ash was greeted with Kelly and Miranda. They were talking with several nurses. When they spotted Ashley, they rushed to her side.

"What happened? Is he okay? No physical damages?" asked Miranda

"No, it's okay. Physically, he's fine. But psychologically, it's another matter."

"What was the problem?" asked Kelly, taking notes on her omnitool.

"The trucks and all outside the hospital, it's too much. The noises are way too loud. To him, they look like banshee's screams, brutes. He can't stay here. I'm bringing him home with me."

Miranda's eyes widen in surprise. "What? You can't do that, he needs medical attention. He has to come to his physical therapy every day. This is very important," said Miranda, with her old 'Ice Queen' tone.

"And he has to speak about his problems," added Kelly.

"He can't stay here! I'll take care of him. I'll bring him to his physical therapy and to his appointments with you. But he can't stay here. It's quieter at my place. It's better for him," answered Ash with a commanding voice.

"I don't think this is a good idea," said Miranda.

"I agree! This is irresponsible! What are you going to do if he has those crises?"

"I'll call you!" Kelly opened her mouth to argue, but Ashley cut her off. "Well, you know what? I'm a Spectre, and I do everything I want! I'll bring him home, whether you like it or not." Her harsh tone surprised both Kelly and Miranda. She softened. "If there's any problem, I'll call you. If it's too much, he'll come back, but you'll change his room. Deal?" _Can't they see he can't stay here?_

Miranda and Kelly exchanged a quick glance. Shepard needed medical attention, physical therapy, and appointments with a psychologist. If he could attend them, the only remaining problem was the medical attention. He needed this, especially with his mental health. But it seemed that Ashley would not take 'no' as a good answer. And she _was_ a Spectre, as she said herself, there was not much Kelly or Miranda can do right now. Kelly nodded to Miranda.

After all, spending time with the woman he loved might do him some good.

"Fine! You'll take him home. But if there is _any_ crisis as today's, he'll come back. No objection. Am I clear?" said Miranda in a stern voice.

"Crystal clear. I'm going to call James to help me." Ashley released a breath she didn't know she was holding. Yes, she was a Spectre and could use her authority to do what she thought was right, but they were doctors. They knew better than her.

"Okay, I'll see him before his departure, Miranda will see him too. We're going to help him pack his bag. You're not leaving until we say so," said Kelly.

"Okay, fine...Thank you. I'll call James."

With that Kelly and Miranda nodded, and then disappeared into Shepard's room. She heard them talking quietly, but she had to call James. She didn't want somebody to see them. The press would ask too many questions, she could already see the headlines 'The Saviour Of The Galaxy Released Of The Hospital – What It Could Mean', 'Where Does The Saviour Of The Galaxy Go?', 'Who Takes Care Of Our Hero?', and a lot of stupid thoughts, opinions about his mental health, if he was in a vegetative state or something.

He didn't deserve this. He was barely himself, a ghost of who he once was. So much pain, so much suffering, so much demons to fight. It'll be difficult, but she'll be there. They'll do it. Together.

She searched for James' names of her omnitool. She found it and waited for the connection. With the help of the Geth and the Quarians, the communications, as for the mass relays, were – for the most part – entirely functional. It was still a bit tricky to call Rannoch because of the distance, but they were getting there. James' face appeared on her omnitool.

" _Hey, LC! What's up?_ " James was always smiling, teasing, and joyful. It was always cheering.

"Hello, James. I know that's unexpected and late, but I need you to come to the hospital. I need somebody to escort Shepard at my place."

There was a short silence, as if James had misunderstood. " _What? You mean...he leaves the hospital?_ "

"Yes, I'll explain on the way, but I need you to come _now_. Please"

" _Errr...Yeah, okay, I'm coming. Do I need to take some guns?_ "

"Yes, just in case. Thank you, James," she answered gratefully.

" _No worries, I'm not far, I'll be there in a couple of minutes. See you there._ "

With that, she ended the call. She went back into Shepard's room, to find Miranda checking on him, and Kelly packing his bag. Shepard was sat on the edge of his bed.

"I called James, he'll be there in a couple of minutes," said Ashley, immediately going to help Kelly with Shepard's bag.

"Why did you call him?" asked Adrien. He didn't want everybody to hear about his...episodes.

"I can't bring you home alone. I need somebody to protect you. We'll take the wheelchair." Shepard was about to open his mouth to protest, but she cut him off "No, you are _not_ going to take the crutches. That's too dangerous. Whether you like it or not." She glared at him with an expression which meant 'Don't you dare saying otherwise or I'll kill you'. With that, Shepard had to agree, finally, it was a good idea, it wasn't that bad...

Kelly and Miranda were smirking at his 'obedience'. Ashley could be very frightening when she wanted to.

"Okay, I'm done. All of your readings are fine," said Miranda.

"Great. I told you so," said Adrien.

"Yes, but you're not a doctor. Anyway, you'll have to come every day. I insist, Shepard. You're progressing quite well, you are on the right track. **"**

"I know, Miranda. I can feel it, too," answered Adrien, smiling. She was right, his physical therapy was getting better and better every day.

"Good. Don't give up, Shepard, you are almost there."

"Well, your bag is done Adrien. And as Miranda said, you also have to come every day for our appointments," said Kelly.

"I know..." said Shepard, pouting like a little child. The therapy with Kelly was another matter.

Kelly sighed. "I know that your progress in therapy with me is slow, but you have to open up a little bit. Look at your physical therapy. You give yourself a hundred percent all the time, you should do the same during our appointments. As I said, I am always ready to talk, you can call me whenever you want and I'll listen."

"I know, Kelly. Thank you."

"You can count on me," added Ashley. "I'll bring him every day. And if I can't, I'll find someone who will," said Ashley, glancing at Shepard while speaking with a smirk. She knew he didn't like the hospital, but it was for him, for his health, for his future.

Heavy footsteps came from the corridor, and a man stood in the door frame.

"Hey, _Loco_ , Williams. Ladies," said James, with a little smirk at the end, emphasizing the 'Ladies'. Everybody greeted him. "So, ready to go, Commander?"

"Yes, let's go, I'm sick of this room."

"Don't forget to come!" said Miranda. Kelly nodded to show her agreement.

"Yes, I know." Ash approached the wheelchair near him. Shepard stood on his leg, and sat in the wheelchair with the help of Miranda. "I know I wasn't nice with you, but thank you for everything. I'll try to be better..."

"That's okay Shepard, don't worry. As long as you come to your appointments, it will be fine," said Kelly.

"Yeah." He glanced at Ash and said "Well, let's go. Thank you to both of you. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you Shepard. And Ash, take care of him. No explosions, no bullets," said Kelly.

"Don't worry. Let's go." Ash exited the room with James on her heels.

"Ladies," said James, smirking at Miranda and Kelly.

"Good bye, James," said Miranda, with a grin. He was quite handsome. _Maybe I'll get some fun with him._ Kelly observed the exchange, smirking.

Outside, it was already around 8:00pm. They put a hood on Shepard's head, and exited the hospital. There were always some journalists at the main entrance, but they took the back-door. They didn't need all those crazy journalists all around them, too dangerous. Their journey was not very long. Nobody spoke. James was too busy watching every corner, every building (for snipers), and every man or woman passing next to them. They arrived at Ashley's place, the little prefab house. She opened the door, and led Shepard inside.

"I'll talk to James, I'll come back in two seconds, okay? You can visit, it's not very big," said Ashley.

"Okay."

Ashley went outside and began to speak to James. The house was very tiny. The living room was understated. All the walls were greyish. _At least it's not white_. A simple table in the middle of the room, with a black couch. A tiny kitchen with a fridge, a sink, and a work surface. Very simple. Next to the couch, there was a door leading to the bedroom. He entered it. There was just a double bed, and a night-stand. On it laid a poetry book. The one he bought to her when she got injured during the mission on Mars. In the bedroom, another door led to the bathroom. It was also greyish. _Alleluia, not white_. In it, a bath, a bathroom sink with a mirror above, and a toilet area.

He came back to the living room. He could see another bedroom at the other side of the room, the same as the other one, minus the bathroom. A very simple house. Well, after the War, they could not expect huge buildings and luxury hotels everywhere. At least, the part of the Citadel where his apartment was was not damaged. The Silversun Strip was fine. Maybe they'll live in it, when he'll better and could travel.

She heard Ash saying goodbye to James, with a 'Thank you for everything', and maybe he heard James saying 'He'll be fine' or something, but he was not sure.

"Goodbye, Loco," called James from the door.

"Goodbye, James, Thank you." With that, James went away.

Ashley closed the door, and went to Shepard.

"That's a very tiny house that you have here. Why don't you live in the Alliance Headquarters?" asked Shepard.

"Because this house is closer to the hospital."

 _Oops..._ "Err..yeah." Ashley gave a weak smile.

"I hope you'll feel better here."

Shepard smiled. "Me too."

After a silence, Ashley spoke up. "Let's shave you, and cut your hair."

Adrien didn't take care of himself at the hospital. And he didn't let anybody touch his hair or his huge beard. He was depressed, alone. He didn't have to be presentable. Ashley took his wheelchair and headed to the bathroom. He didn't take care of himself also because of his face. He was ashamed. Huge scars all over his body, and his face was not spared. He had a huge one from his left eye to his chin, another one on the right side of his jaw which went to his right ear, and a last one from his nose to below his right eye.

To him, he looked like the monster of Frankenstein. He was not human anymore. Sometimes, when he looked at himself in the mirror, he could see his eyes shining like those of the husks. All things considered, he was not that far from Cerberus' husks...

He was so lost in thoughts that he didn't even see that Ashley had already began to cut his hair. She was almost done with them, and she had prepared the shaving foam on the sink with a towel.

"Adrien, are you okay?" She was staring at him in the mirror while cutting his hair. "You seem elsewhere."

"It's nothing, it's just..." _It's just what? What can I say? 'Oh, you know, I look like a husk, nothing to worry about'._ No, he had to be honest with her, she already went into so much pain because of him. He owed her the truth. She was there with him, that meant something very powerful. "I'm disgusted."

Ashley watched him with a quizzical look. "Disgusted? By what?"

"Myself, just…"

"Hey, what are you talking about?"

"My face is just full of scars…my body too… I look like a monster."

Ashley stopped her work, and watched him intensely through the mirror. "You're not a monster, Adrien. You'll never be. The scars will fade. Just be patient, this is normal."

"I'm so tired... I know that's stupid, but I thought...well...I _wanted_ that when the War will be over, I'll be fine, you know, just some minor injuries, and that's it. It was not possible, but I wanted it so much. And look at what I am now, a crippled old soldier who is losing his mind." There, he went again on his depressive thoughts, looking at the floor, ashamed.

Ash went in front of him, took his face between her hands and forced him to look into her eyes. "That's not true, okay? It's not stupid to have wanted all of this to end in a good way. I wished that too. But that's not what happened, and we can't change it. You're not an 'old crippled soldier who is losing his mind'. You're the most amazing man in the galaxy. After everything you've been through, it's not surprising that some noises just remind you of the horrors you saw. But you'll heal. Just have faith, okay? I know you can do it, Adrien."

She kissed him. She tried to show him how much he meant to her, how much she loved him. It was soft and powerful at the same time. "I'll never be ashamed of you." She smiled at him.

"If it wasn't for you, I would rather die."

He knew it was a stupid thing to stay after what she said to him, but it was the truth. He was in so much pain, physically and psychologically, that sometimes, he wished he had died up there, so he wouldn't have to face all of this. But there was her. She was the only thing that kept him alive. She gave him a purpose, something to hold onto for the future. If she had died, he would not have wanted to survive. She was everything he had left here. She was his beacon, his future, his life. He was lost, crippled, depressed, but she was still there, taking care of him, showing him everything she was feeling for him, cheering him up with her bright smile which could erase the pain, her wonderful eyes that were so deep that you could get lost in them for hours.

She sighed. "Don't say things like that. I don't like when you speak like this."

"I'm sorry."

She smiled, kissed his forehead, and went back behind him. "So, let's finish this."

She cut his hair and shaved his beard in silence. She was smiling without noticing it. She was with him. He was still depressed, but he was with her, it was everything she needed. He'll heal, she knew this. They'll be so happy after this, just like back on the SR-1 after the Battle of the Citadel. During their shore leave, he had met her family. They were all so happy. They had shared a lot of evening together, at her Mom's place, with her sisters and him, laughing, smiling, joking.

At first, he was a little shy, but he opened up a little. They knew about his childhood, but not too much, some things were better when hidden. Her family welcomed him with open arms, they were so proud of her and Adrien. He became a member of the family. That's why they were also very sad when he died. The Williams family had seen so much death already, and losing Shepard was like a knife in the heart. It had broken Ashley's heart.

She wiped the shaving foam from his face. "There, handsome as ever," she kissed his jaw. "Now, you need a bath."

He looked at the floor, not wanting to meet her gaze. He didn't want her to see his body. He needed help to undress and wash himself. He wasn't the kind to ask for help, and he didn't like it.

"No, it's okay," said Adrien. "I'll take one tomorrow."

"No, it's not okay, you need this. You'll see, it will be relaxing. You'll sleep better. Come on."

He didn't have the time to answer, she took his wheelchair and stopped it near the bath. She began to remove his shoe and sock. She then tried to remove his shirt, but he stopped her, grapping her wrist.

"I can do this alone," his gaze fixed on her.

"Don't be like this, Adrien. You can't do this alone, you need my help," she knew he wanted to do this alone, that to him, having somebody unclothe and wash him, was hard. He wasn't used to this.

"But-" he began to say, but Ash cut him off.

"I know that you don't like it. But I already told you that I'll never be ashamed of you. I'll stay, no matter what. You need my help, but it's only temporary."

He hesitated, but he agreed. "Okay..."

She kissed his forehead and removed his shirt, all of his scars enlightened by the light of the room. She understood his reasons to be ashamed, but they were groundless. His scars were the symbol of his fight and his success. They were on his chest, it's not as if he was going to roam around in the streets topless. They were in private here, he didn't have to be ashamed. She had removed all of his clothes, and he was now naked. She could see in his eyes how hard it was for him to be like this, not able to go into a bath without help made him feel very weak and vulnerable. She put a finger in the water to see if it was not too hot. _Perfect temperature_.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Yes..."

She put her arms under his own, and help him to stand. She sat him on the edge of the bath. He turned himself and put his leg into the water.

"It's okay?" she asked

"Yes, thank you."

He slipped into the water, and Ash began to wash him. She took great care of his muscles, massaging his arms, his shoulders, his neck, and his leg. It was very relaxing for him, he was less tense, his eyes were closed, he was very calm, almost sleeping. She tried hard not to touch any 'sensible' area, even if she really wanted to, but he was not ready for sex yet. He was still very weak, and not in the mood at all. She missed him very much, but they'll do it when he'll be ready, not before. It was his call.

After several minutes of massages, she rinsed and dried him. He had only his boxers on, and was very tired. He needed a lot of sleep right now, the massages were very good. He was at peace with her and her touch. She put him back on the wheelchair and went to the bedroom. She helped him to settle in bed, and went for a shower herself. He was left alone in the bedroom.

For the first time since he woke up, he felt at peace, calm, reassured. He was not in pain. He was...relaxed. No dark thoughts, no voices in his head, but just peace, staring at the ceiling. It was so good to feel like this again, it was almost a new feeling, as if he had never experienced it. He could breathe deeply, smile, think. Ash came back a couple of minutes later in a little short and a tank top, her hair was still a little wet and was cascading on her shoulders. When he caught her eyes, he smiled. She was so beautiful. She looked like a Goddess, better than Venus. She was perfect. She smiled while settling next to him, her head on his chest. She kissed his heart, and kissed him softly.

"I can't believe that this is happening. I can't believe that you're here."

Shepard smiled sleepily. "Me too. I'm so glad that you're here," his smile faded. "I'm sorry for what I said. You were right. I need you, and I can't do this alone."

"It's okay, I understand now. You always want to carry the burden alone, and I love you for that, and for many, many other things."

He smiled again. She decided that it was one of her favourite things in the world. "Yeah?"

She chuckled. "Yeah."

"What are those other things?"

"Well, for starters, you're quite handsome," he chuckled. "You're also very smart. You're kind. You never judged me. And more importantly, you love me in so many different ways."

" _How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height  
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.  
I love thee to the level of every day's  
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.  
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;  
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.  
I love with a passion put to use  
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.  
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose  
With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,  
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,  
I shall but love thee better after death._"

She looked at him, smiling with surprise. "Elizabeth Barrett Browning. It's a beautiful poem. You keep on surprising me." They both smiled, and she kissed him deeply. They pulled apart, and he looked straight inter her wonderful eyes. His gaze was so intense, sincere, and powerful. He put his hand on her cheek.

"I love you," he said, with the sincerest voice and gaze he could manage.

She smiled and before kissing him again, she whispered, "I love you too."

For the first time again since he woke up, he fell asleep without the fear, the loneliness, and the pain.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey ! Long time no see, guys ! I have to say that I'm quite happy with this chapter, so I'll be very happy to hear your thoughts !**

 **The poem Shepard recited is a very famous one written by Elizabeth Barrett Browning and is called "How do I love thee?"**

 **Review please, see you soon and take care of you :)**

 **29/05/2017: added some details, corrected some mistakes.**


	7. An Idea

Adrien and Ashley had fallen into a comfortable routine. They would wake up, and share breakfast. Ash would drop him at the hospital for his physical therapy and his appointments with Kelly while she would go to work at the Alliance Headquarters with the Admirals. The Normandy was groundside for now, so she spent as much time as she could with Sheard.

He was a little better, in a more 'joyful' mood, but he still had nightmares. He would wake up, screaming, sweating, moving his arms around the bed as if to stand, to catch something or somebody to help him, to tell him that it was over. Ash would call his name, take his hands in hers, tell him that it was just a dream, that he was safe, nobody could hurt him.

Sometimes, it was enough.

But in the worst days, he would cry while Ash held him, telling her how much he was sorry to be like this, to wake her up almost every night to fight some imaginary demons, to not be able to take her somewhere nice, on the beach, walking hand in hand with the wind blowing her hair, the moon enlightening her eyes. She would just hold him, whispering that it was okay in his ear, saying it didn't mattered to her. 'You're alive. That's all I ever wanted' she would say.

He still needed help to get dressed, to wash or shave himself. It was what pissed him the most. He felt so vulnerable in this condition. Adrien Lucas Shepard, N7, Spectre, Survivor of Akuze, needed help to get dressed, and even go to the bathroom. Every day, at his appointments with Miranda, he was hoping to hear her say 'You'll have a transplant'. But for now, they didn't even discuss it. The Relays were almost repaired, as for the communications, but they couldn't even have a leg for him...how fair it was?

It wasn't. Since when life – or even God – was fair to him? It never happened. Even his relationship with Ash. For the most part, it was painful. But now that they could live for themselves, he was in pain, insane, and unable to walk.

"Have you finished your breakfast?" asked Ash. They were eating some fruits in the morning, with some coffee. With all the good work of the people, agricultural lands were for the most part fertile, and could provide fruits and vegetables for a lot of cities.

However, in Africa or on some colonies, the lands were so polluted that they didn't even know if they could reverse the result of the war. Some much eezo dropped into the atmosphere after the destruction of cruisers, dreadnought, Reapers surged a huge famine problem. Every scientific was on deck to try and repair the damage.

It wasn't perfect yet, but it was better than some synthetic paste with no taste.

"Yeah, thank you. It's good to finally have real food."

She stood up, grabbed the dishes and put them in the sink. "Yeah, I couldn't agree more," she looked at him. Yesterday was one of his bad day. He had cried last night. A lot. "Are you okay?" she asked weakly, almost whispering.

He looked up at her. "Yeah...I'm sorry."

She sat in front of him and took his hand in hers. "It's okay, you never have to say sorry to me. It's not your fault," she told him, smiling.

He smiled, and looked at their hands. There was a small silence. "Do you think I'll heal?" he looked up at her, searching her eyes.

"What?" she answered, a little taken aback by the question.

"Do you think I'll heal? The nightmares. Do you think they'll go away?"

She smiled weakly at him. She hoped so much that he'll heal. But they both knew it was not possible. He'll have the nightmares until the end. Not necessarily that much or that powerful, but they'll still be there. She put her hand on his cheek and looked in his eyes. "We both know the answer, Adrien. It will get better, but…"

He looked at the table, sadly saying "Yeah..."

Ash was about to answer when her omnitool chimed. She looked briefly at it. "It's a message from Hackett. He wants to see us."

"Us?" It was odd.

"Yeah. Weird, but he is the Admiral, that must be important. So, let's get you dressed. Do you want to put on your Alliance blues?"

"Yeah, it will be nice."

She wheeled him in their bedroom, and dressed him. It was still difficult for him to admit that he needed her for almost everything which required a lot of movements, but he was improving. He was whining less and less each day, even if that didn't mean that he appreciated it.

She pinned his medals on his uniform, the final touch. The Star of Terra, earned after Akuze – even if the mission was a disaster for him –, some more medals for his accomplishments during some other missions he did during his career, an N7 medal for his graduation in the program, and the Légion d'Honneur, the highest French distinction which is given for the most honourable French citizens who accomplished great actions for the country.

She looked proudly at him. He was such a wonderful man. He accomplished so much in his life, even with his childhood which followed him a long time after his engagement in the Alliance, he was still there, beaten, but not broken. Never broken.

He was looking at himself in the mirror, in his uniform. He missed it. Even after what the Alliance did to him, he was still proud to wear that uniform. He never regretted to join the Alliance. He did so many bad things in his life, during his childhood. This uniform symbolised a new start.

"You're okay?" asked Ashley.

"Yeah. I missed it. It's the first time I'm wearing it since…" S _ince the war…_ he couldn't bring himself to say it. He lost so many friends…

She kissed his cropped hair. "I know, it's fine. You look very handsome," she added, readjusting his collar.

He gave a weak smile. "We should go. Admiral Hackett will be pissed if we are late."

"Yes, sir," she teased.

They left her house, and arrived at the Alliance Headquarters in five minutes with a shuttle. She got off of the shuttle, and soldiers came in to carry Shepard off of the shuttle too, and put him on the wheelchair. "Thank you," he said.

They saluted, and one of them, a Lieutenant according to his uniform, moved forward. He saluted. "That's an honour to meet you, Commander, Lieutenant Commander."

"At ease, Lieutenant," said both Shepard and Ashley.

"Thank you, sir. I am Lieutenant Darbyshire, and I am here to escort you to Admiral Hackett's office."

"Okay, we'll follow, Lieutenant. Lead the way," said Ash.

The Lieutenant saluted, and they made their way to Hackett's office. The Alliance Headquarters were newly built buildings near the ancient spot where the Eiffel Tower was, destroyed by the Reapers. It was a huge white building with, at the top, the logo of the Alliance. It looked like a big main tower, and around, smaller towers, four exactly. Each one of them linked to the main tower with bridges. Three bridges at different levels. Inside, it was very simple. A desk with a receptionist at the entry, a waiting room, an elevator, and doors. Lots of doors. There were also a gym, and a combat simulator which used the same system as the Armax Arena, but it was in one of the smaller towers.

They arrived at Hackett office. The door opened itself, and they strolled inside. Hackett had his back to them, watching Paris behind a huge window. He turned around at the sound of the door, and spotted them.

"Hello, Commander, Lieutenant Commander. Thank you, Lieutenant, for escorting them, dismissed."

The Lieutenant saluted the Admiral, and turned toward Ash and Shepard. "It was an honour, Sir. Thank you for what you did during the War. We are grateful." He saluted again.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I was not alone. Men and women like you were fighting."

"Thank you, Commander." He left.

Ash and Shepard saluted the Admiral. "At ease. I am glad you are better, Commander."

"Thank you, Admiral."

Hackett had a small smile. "But I have to say that I was quite surprised to hear that Lieutenant Commander Williams brought you at her own place. It is a bit strange that an officer welcomes his wounded superior at his home, don't you think, Lieutenant Commander?"

Ashley's eyes widen, but quickly recovered. She couldn't let him know. "I understand, sir. But the hospital was not the best place for Commander Shepard to recover properly."

"Is that so? An hospital is not appropriate for a wounded man?" Hackett chuckled.

"Err..That's not what I meant, Sir. In fact-," she was cut off by the Admiral.

He held his hand up. "No need to beat about the bush. I am here as a friend," he sat at his desk and motioned for them to come forward and sit. "The galaxy owes you its life. I know why you brought him at your place. The fact is, the Alliance knows that you're involved."

"We don't know what you're talking about, Admiral," answered Shepard.

"Adrien, I am here as a friend. I warn you. The Alliance have footages of the two of you kissing at Apollo's Cafe. They also have the one from the charity event at the Casino when you were on shore leave, even if you don't kiss in it, you're very close. Too close. As stupid as it sounds, they want to make of you an example."

Ash and Shepard didn't know what to say. They were very careful with their relationship. At the beginning, before Shepard's death, Ash had asked her family to never tell anybody about her relationship with Adrien. Being her superior officer, even a Spectre, fraternization was still severely punished. And her, being a Williams, would have been fired, or worse. But right now, it was the two Humans Spectres who were involved, not a Commanding Officer with a Gunnery Chief. They were the poster-boy and poster-girl for the Alliance.

"I try as much as I can to protect you, but I am almost alone in it. Admirals which didn't like you use this against you."

Shepard was tired. Tired of everything. The Alliance, the press, the politic, the War, the hospital, the Galaxy. He was angry. "After everything I've done to save their asses, they still don't leave me alone! What I have to do to be finally able to live!?"

Ash was silent the whole time. She was angry, and terrified. "Admiral? What...what do we risk if it goes to the tribunal?"

Hackett sighed. "They can say that you earned your rank by sleeping with the Commanding Officer of your ship. You'll probably be fired. The same goes for you, Adrien. They can fire you."

"They are just a bunch of idiots!" said Ash angrily, throwing her hands in the air.

"Watch your tone, Lieutenant Commander. For now, you have to leave. Some pirates in the Terminus System still think it's their territory. You will show them that it is not anymore. The Comm Specialist has already been briefed. She'll explain everything to you."

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now. We'll discuss about the trial later. Dismissed."

"What? But who will-"

"I said, _dismissed_ **.** That's an order, Lieutenant Commander."

Ash looked at Shepard. He nodded. "Yes, sir," she saluted, and left, not without glancing at Shepard. She was not comfortable with leaving him alone. He needed her...and she needed him.

Hackett looked at Shepard, and sighed. "In what kind of troubles did you put yourself in, son."

Shepard chuckled. "I don't know, but it's deep."

"So, it is true then."

"What?"

"That you're involved with her."

He hesitated. "Yes."

Hackett put his hands on his desk, crossed. "When did it start?"

"Back on the SR-1."

Hackett sighed again. "I won't lie to you. Anderson told me, son. But truthfully, I didn't care, and I still don't. the war was more important that a relationship between a commanding officer and a subordinate. You earned a rest. You deserve to be happy. I really don't understand the brass."

"So do I. They're going to lose the support of a lot of citizens." Hackett nodded to show his agreement. A little silence settled itself in the room, both men wondering what they could do. "Can I ask you a favour, Admiral?"

Hackett chuckled. "Of course, son. You can ask me almost everything you want."

Shepard looked at Hackett with a determined glare. "Put all the blame on me."

Hackett raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"Tell them that it is my fault, I don't know. Tell them that I was lonely or something, and that I promised her to climb the rank ladder. I don't know. Just that it was my fault."

"Are you sure, Adrien? It could cost you your rank."

He nodded. "I'm sure. She worked hard to be here. She earned her rank. And I don't want that some stupid Admirals who can't see straight disrespect her name again, take what she worked so hard for."

Hackett grinned. _He is in deep with her_. "Okay, son. I hope that you know what you're doing."

"I know what I'm doing. And if they don't like it, I retire. I'm tired of their little quarrels. They're not six years old for Christ's sake! They're Admirals of the Alliance!"

Hackett chuckled. That was definitely Shepard. "Well, son...I have to say that sometimes, I feel the same way. But don't tell it to anybody, that's a secret."

Shepard smiled. "Your secret is safe with me, Admiral." There was a little silence before Shepard spoke again. "So, what was it? Those pirates?"

"Several ships with mercenaries attacked some colonies to stole the resources. The colonies in the Terminus System are not as angry with the Alliance as before."

"And you send a Spectre for this?" smirked Shepard.

Hackett chuckled. Nobody could fool Shepard. "The Alliance sent several ships to discretely spy on the colonies, to avoid those pirate's attacks. They found some bases, some...buildings which were empty. After several attempts, one of our soldier succeeded in entering one. He was killed, but before, he sent us some plans. The facility is not empty. It is underground."

"What are they doing in it?"

"We don't know yet, but it is not something that they want us to see."

"Do you think it is some pirates?"

"No, I don't think so. But they are smart," added Hackett, sitting up and going to the window overlooking Paris.

"The galaxy is still recovering, and some idiots are still making the devil look like the Carebears."

Hackett laughed. "Yes. But the Lieutenant Commander is very capable. She'll handle it. I'm sorry, I can't keep you any longer, I have some meetings to attend." He joined Shepard, and shook his hand. "I'm proud of you, son. I will help you as much as I can with the Lieutenant Commander. Meanwhile, take care of yourself."

"Thank you, Admiral. It means a lot to me. But since the Lieutenant Commander is gone, I need somebody to take me to my appointments at the hospital."

"Yes, of course. I'll call the Lieutenant back. He'll bring you at the hospital, and back to yourplace," said the Admiral, grinning at the end.

"Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome, Adrien."

Shepard exited the room, and waited for the Lieutenant to come. After two or three minutes, he spotted him at the end of the corridor. The Lieutenant moved towards Shepard, and saluted. "Hello again, Sir. I'll escort you to your appointments. Shall we?"

"Let's do it, Lieutenant."

They exited the building, and took a shuttle towards the hospital. The Lieutenant had called some other soldiers to protect Shepard of any threat. They arrived at the hospital. There was a huge number of journalists at the main entry, so they took the back door. He had an appointment with Miranda, and later in the day, with Kelly. Today, he'll ask Miranda for a transplant, at least for his leg. They arrived at Miranda's office, and the Lieutenant led him inside.

Miranda was at her desk. She spotted him, and stood. "Hello, Commander," Shepard greeted her with a nod and a smile. "Thank you...?" she said, looking at the Lieutenant.

"Lieutenant Darbyshire, Ma'am," he answered. _Damn, she's hot._

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

"Anytime, Ma'am. I'll wait outside, Commander." He saluted, and left, not without glancing at Miranda.

"Men..." she muttered under her breath. "So, how are you feeling today, Shepard?"

"Fine, for the most part. My leg still aches sometimes. And my arms, too. Especially my right wrist."

"Let's take a look at it," she wheeled Shepard near an examination table. She lifted him with her biotics, and put him on the table. She began to type on her omnitool to do a scan.

"Am I going to have a transplant anytime soon? At least for my leg."

She glanced at him, and sighed. "Shepard, you know as much as me that it is not 'anytime soon'. I know that you want one, but I can't even put my hands on a prosthetic leg. It will take time to clone an entire leg."

"Miranda, you headed the Lazarus Project, you brought me back from the dead! And you can't give me a leg!" said Shepard, angry, but the anger not directed toward her.

"You can't compare the Lazarus Project to this situation," Miranda pointed out. "The Illusive Man gave me as much money as I needed. He put everything on you. This is different now. I don't have enough resources. The economic condition of the galaxy is still fragile."

He calmed down. She couldn't do anything about it. It wasn't her fault, after all. She was just a doctor. He sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Miranda...It's just...I'm tired. I want my leg back so bad…"

"That's okay, Shepard. I can understand. But I can't help you right now. Maybe later, but right now, I can't. I'm sorry," she answered sincerely.

"That's fine. None of it is your fault. You do what you can. And with the worst patient," he joked.

She chuckled. "That's quite the accomplishment, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I admit it. I think listening to the whole album of Expel Ten would be easier."

The rest of the day went smoothly. His appointment with Kelly was fine. He was feeling nice today, but a little sad that Ash was gone on this mission. Those bases were strange. Underground facilities, with no clues on what they were doing inside, and who was doing it. The galaxy will always bear uncivilized people before, during, or after a War, no matter its scale, its power, or its winners. The future will not be as bright as what was thought, after all.

"Commander. It is time to go back to your place. I'll escort you," said the Lieutenant.

"Is it possible to not take the shuttle?" asked Shepard.

"I don't know if it is safe for you, Commander," answered the Lieutenant, a little surprised by the question.

"Usually, Ashl..." he cleared his throat. "Lieutenant Commander Williams wheels me to my place after the appointments. To take some fresh air, think, you know."

There was a little pause. "As you wish, Commander."

"In fact, I put a hood on my head, so nobody can recognize me."

"Of course, Commander," the Lieutenant put a hood on Shepard's head, and removed the medals from his uniform to put it on his pocket. "Somebody could recognize you, with those medals. It is safer to hide them."

"You're right, Lieutenant. Thank you. Let's go. I'll tell you which way to go."

They exited the hospital by the back door, and began to walk. Shepard liked his little evening walks with Ash. They were both enjoying it. It was a moment of peace, where they could see the galaxy rises from its ashes, as a phoenix. What was once a pile of rubble was now a huge building, a house, an orphanage, or an hospital. It was always cheering to see these progresses. It symbolized hope, life, future, like a little tree in a desolated land, or a standing little child after an earthquake. A little light in a world of darkness.

They would just enjoy the presence of the other, breathe the fresh air of a new era for Humanity, and for the galactic community. Shepard noticed that some stores had opened recently. A supermarket, a store for furniture, a toys' store, and even a bakery. Well, a French city without a bakery is not a French city, that's for sure.

Shepard spotted a new store. "Can we stop for a moment please, Lieutenant?"

"We're not covered here, Commander."

"Just go there please," he said, pointing to the store.

A silence. "Yes, sir."

They arrived at the vitrine of the store. In it, watches, necklaces, bracelets, and rings. Shepard spotted one of the ring. It was very simple. Made of silver, with a diamond on top of it. The silver band looked like the branch of a tree, and the diamond, the fruit of it. It was shining in the moonlight. "Let's go inside please. Stay at the door, Lieutenant," he ordered.

"Yes, Commander," he opened the door for the Commander, and stayed outside as commanded, looking for any threat.

Shepard went to the checkout. "Hello. I spotted a ring in the vitrine. A silver one, with a diamond on it."

The seller looked up, and saw a man in a wheelchair, in Alliance blues, with a hood on the head. "Sorry, sir?"

"The silver ring in the vitrine, with the diamond. How much does it cost?"

"Sorry, sir, can you remove your hood? It is a little scary, to have somebody like that wandering in a store, you know, in our era, with all those thieves looking for easy credits."

 _Shit._ He hesitated. _The things you do for love._ He removed his hood, and the seller immediately recognized him. "Oh, Commander Shepard! It is an honour to meet you! You'll have whatever you want!"

"Please, Sir, don't talk about this. Do not mention my name if somebody ask. I never came here, understood?"

"Of course, Commander, I understand. So, this ring, I'll go get it." The seller opened the vitrine, and took the ring. _20,000 credits...I'll tell him it's 15,000 credits._ He went back toward Shepard. "Here."

"It's really beautiful. Why is there already a jewellery at a time like that?"

"Well, you know what people do after a War," said the seller with a little smirk.

Shepard chuckled. "Yeah, that's right. So, how much for it?"

"Fifteen thousand credits, sir."

 _Outch...well...it worth it._ "Okay, I'll take it. But please, be quiet about this. Do not talk about this, to anyone. This is very important."

"Of course, Commander. Who's the lucky girl?"

"You'll know soon enough, don't worry," said Shepard with a smirk.

The seller put the ring in a little black velvet box, on a red cushion embroidered with golden thread. "Here you go, sir. Thank you very much, it is my pleasure. I'll keep your secret safely. I wish you the best, Commander. Thank you again."

Shepard took the little packet, and headed toward the exit. "Thank you, sir. Have a nice evening."

"You too, Commander."

He exited the store, and the Lieutenant wheeled him toward his place.

Shepard had been smiling during the short journey. Maybe he'll give Ash a call. But he had things to plan for her return. _I hope she'll like it_.

 **A/N : Hello again! I was a little busy...watching Lost :p best TV show ever, by the way^^. Now, I'm done with it (and I'm done crying), so I wrote...and I began Game of Thrones...(very smart of me.)**

 **This chapter is shorter than the other. I'll be happy to hear your thoughts, as always, I'm always happy to discuss with you, whether your review is positive or negative, as long as it is constructive!**

 **29/05/2017: added some details, corrected some mistakes.**


	8. Planning

Ash came back to her place to take her stuff. Her Alliance blues, a sport outfit, and her usual stuff to get washed. She put everything in her duffel-bag and went outside, where a shuttle waited for her. After having left Hackett's office, she had been escorted by two Alliance soldiers. Since the Reaper War, she was one of the most famous Alliance officer (and Spectre) in the galaxy. It had its advantages, such as being able to go wherever she wanted whenever she wanted, but it had also its defects, one of it being always followed by Alliance soldiers, just in case. Even if nobody had attempted to kill a high ranking Alliance officer, it was still a precaution.

She arrived at the spaceport, and boarded the Normandy. She was the commanding officer, and Lieutenant James Vega was now the Executive Officer, since he had finished the N7 program. Besides that, everything was the same, except for the non-human crew. Joker was still here with EDI, as for Engineer Adams, Donnelly, Daniels, Traynor, Cortez... one big family.

Ashley went directly to the CIC to see Traynor. She saluted her.

"Hello, Traynor. How are you?"

Traynor snapped at attention too. "Hello, Lieutenant Commander. I'm fine, I'm very excited to get back to work." When the Normandy landed on this foreign planet somewhere in the Silean Nebula, Traynor had broken her arm. They discovered they were on Nevos, a planet located in the Teyolia System. Now she was healed, and could go back to work. "And you, how are you feeling?"

"Fine. Hackett told me we're going on a mission in the Terminus System. He said you've been briefed."

"Sure! Let's go to the War Room."

They went into the scan room, and waited while it was processing.

"So, how's the Commander doing?" asked Traynor.

"Oh, for the most part, he's far more better. He still have some depressive moments when he wants to stop everything, but he always get back in the right path."

"And for the physical therapy?"

"He always goes, but he wants his leg back. Well, his fingers too, but his leg is more important to him. He always asks Miranda about it, but there's nothing she can do right now." The scan over, they went forward, passing next to the Conference Room, and entered the War Room. "He's very stubborn. If she has something, she'll tell him, but he still asks."

They walked towards the table at the centre of the room where the holographic shape of a building was displayed.

"I can understand him. I'm lucky, I just broke my arm. But if I was used to run in the fields, I'll be very depressive. Anyway, the mission." Traynor took a datapad which was on the table and gave it to Ashley. "We're going to the planet Erinle of the Osun System, in the Hourglass Nebula."

"It's a salarian colony, right?"

"Yes, the colony was built to experiment on the planet. It is in its last stage of habitability, so the Salarians tried to find a way to reverse it. There are a lot of buildings, but the colony is now empty. After the War, the planet was deserted by the salarians. However, there's still activity. An Alliance solider broke into one of the building. He sent us plans, but he was killed. Well, he's listed KIA, but there is no evidence." Traynor zoomed on the holographic building, and soon, an underground facility appeared. "That's the plan he sent us. According to it, there's an underground facility."

"What are they doing in it?"

"No clue. Nobody knows. That's why we're here. We were asked to investigate on those underground facilities. They were not known from the Salarian Union, and they assured us that the colony was empty. There's no remaining salarians, as far as they know."

Ashley read the datapad. They'll have to come discretely. They would have to be dropped far away from the building if they want to be undetected. According to the information she had in hand, the building was defenceless, and it didn't even have a platform for a shuttle. No defences, no canons. No matter who was behind it, he really didn't want those buildings to be seen as a potential threat.

"Who was this soldier? Why did he go here? The building doesn't seem threatening. When you look at it, it's a normal building."

Traynor picked up another datapad and handed it to Ash. "Corporal Souma. Alliance ships were patrolling the area to protect the colonies. One of the ship picked up a foreign signal and sent a shuttle to investigate. He had another solider with him, but he was injured, so the Corporal sent him back to the shuttle. He went alone. The ship lost all communications with him after approximately fifteen minutes, after having heard bullets flying."

Ash read the file she had in hand.

 **ID : SOUMA Tsurugi, 5455-AC-8778**

 **Birth : March, 8 2167 (Japan, Yatomi)**

 **Height : 6' 0"**

 **Weight : 155,8 lb**

A summary of his missions was displayed, and a photo was attached. He had very dark hair, cut short. His brows were relaxed, and he had a proud smile on his lips. His lips were thin, his eyes piercing. He was young, only 19, and already Corporal. Well, with the War, the Alliance had lost a lot of soldiers, good men and women all over the galaxy. It was understandable that young soldiers like him were already 'that high'. A promotion will led him to an NCO rank, which is, at 19, a very good one.

"So, we don't know if he's dead then?" asked Ash.

"Not for sure, but it is almost certain."

Ash studied the datapad in hand at the holographic building before speaking. "Call the crew. Briefing in thirty minutes."

Traynor saluted. "Aye aye, Lieutenant Commander." She strode towards the elevator.

"EDI?" called Ash.

"Yes, Lieutenant Commander. What can I do for you?"

"Set a course for Erinle."

"Of course, Lieutenant Commander."

"ETA?"

"Sixteen hours and thirty-five minutes."

"Thank you, EDI."

"Logging you out, Lieutenant Commander."

Ash took the elevator and stopped at the Captain's Cabin. The sensor detected her and the door opened with a swoosh. The cabin was almost the same. When they crashed on Nevos, some of Shepard's personal items had broken. Fortunately, his fishes were fine, but some of his collectors' ships weren't good. The Destiny Ascension, Sovereign, and the Shadow Broker were a pile of little pieces. She had bought them back, assembled them, and put them back at their respective spaces. Besides that, nothing had changed. Some of his clothes were still there, with his soap, shampoo, his casual Alliance uniform, one of his sport outfit too. His hamster, Boo, was still there, running in his wheel. She didn't want to move his stuff. They had had to make repairs before heading back to Earth. She would come to his cabin, sleep in his bed where she could smell his scent on the soft sheets, and on his pillow. He had a frame of her, and she had replaced it with one of his. It was a photography they had taken during their shore leave after the Battle of the Citadel. They were together, smiling, both with their eyes sparkling. Shepard had his head on her shoulder, smiling at the camera, his hands around Ashley's waist, while she was also smiling to the camera, her cheek resting against Shepard's, her hands on his. They were just a normal couple, happy together.

Ash sat in the chair at the desk. She opened the terminal, the frame just next to it. She began to think about the incoming mission. It was a mystery. They knew nothing about the facility. There was one thing they were sure about: it was not empty, and people inside had weapons. They didn't know if they could detect shuttles. Maybe that's why this young Corporal got caught: because his shuttle had been detected. They'll have to be careful. She had to make a choice. A small team of two or three for reckon and infiltration, with backup in a shuttle ready to leave ASAP if it doesn't go as plan? Or a bigger team, maybe four or five members to take the facility? But then again, the enemy was unknown. It could be Vorchas as it could be Krogan warlords. If they were just two against Krogan warlords, they were done. But four or five members weren't necessary for Vorchas. At least, she knew that they weren't going to land right on that building to avoid being detected. The mission will take several hours, they will have to walk through the building as discretely as possible and enter it. According to the first scans, no heat signatures were at the entrance of the building, meaning there weren't any guards. They didn't know if the building was well-equipped, so EDI will come with them to trigger or disable any alarm, any door, any electronic device.

"The crew is gathered in the Briefing Room, Lieutenant Commander."

"Thank you, EDI. I'll be there in a minute."

"Acknowledged, Lieutenant Commander. Logging you out."

Ash sat up and took the elevator towards the Briefing Room. As EDI said, the crew was already here. Vega, Cortez, EDI, Traynor, and new additions. All of them fell quiet when Ash entered, and saluted her.

"At ease" she said. She nodded towards Traynor. At the centre of the table, the holographic image of the building came to life.

Samantha spoke. "We're going to the planet Erinle to investigate this building. One of our comrade, Coporal Souma sent us plan of it, and there is an underground facility. He was caught, his ship lost all communications with him, so maybe there is a protocol in there which blocks the communication. Gunfires were heard before the communications broke, so whoever is in it is well armed and know how to defend himself."

The crew nodded, and Ash added: "We have sixteen hours before reaching this planet. Vega and EDI, you're with me on this mission. Since we don't know if they can detect us, we're going to be dropped far away from the building. We'll have to walk to it. The scans don't show any sign of them outside the building. Our goal is to infiltrate and gather as much intel as possible. If Corporal Souma is not dead – and only if the situation is under control – we'll rescue him. Otherwise, we leave. Cortez, you'll fly us. Questions?"

"Yes, Ma'am" said one of the officer. Adele Marino. She was one of the new additions. 2nd Lieutenant between her mid-twenties and thirties, a very skilled soldier, and a biotic. She was tinier than Ash. She had blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and her skin was tanned. During the Reaper War, she stayed on Earth with the resistance. Her face wore the sequela: a long scar from her right eyebrow to the middle of her forehead. She had a very thin face, but her body was a Marine one, build with muscles. "Do you think it is wise to go with no backup? Some of us could wait in the shuttle, and have your six if you have a problem."

"Maybe they have a way to detect the shuttles, that's why we're going to be dropped far away. As Traynor said, maybe they also have something to shut off the communications, but what if everything is fine for us? The comms are shut down, and you'll come with the shuttle. What if they effectively have a way to detect us? They'll be suspicious, and our plan will fall apart." answered Ash. "EDI, if there is something which cut the communications, will your platform be able to perform correctly? I need you down there with your technical skills."

"According to my scans, I will be able to perform at a top efficiency if the Normandy stay at a good distance. I will try my best to maintain the communications. If there is a device which do not enable us to communicate with the Normandy, I will try to override it, but I cannot guarantee the success of the attempt." said calmly EDI.

"That's fine, EDI. Do the best you can."

"I, otherwise, can suggest something." said EDI.

"I'm listening."

"Before entering the building, we could place a chip discretely on our armour, which are connected to the Normandy. If the communications are shut down, this chip will be useful. Our movement and communications will be detected by the chip, and transcribed in Morse, and then sent to the ship. This language is not known outside the Human culture. Our enemy having a way to decrypt the message or even detect it is very unlikely."

"Well...the fact is, we still don't know who our enemies are. If they are Humans..." She thought for a second. "I have an idea. Is it possible to active it afterwards? We can go inside. If we see the hostiles and if they are not Humans, we can activate the chip at that moment."

"It is a correct assumption, Lieutenant Commander."

"Fine, then we're all set. Questions?" Some shook their head, others said 'No'. "Okay. So we have a little less than sixteen hours before reaching Erinle. I want every single weapon and every single armour at a top efficiency. Vega, you take the armour, I take the weapons. EDI, work for that chip."

"Acknowledged, Lieutenant Commander." - "Aye aye"

"Dismissed."

One by one, crew members exited the Briefing Room. She had to give an update to Admiral Hackett. She went to the Communication Room, and waited for the holographic image of Hackett to appear. After several seconds, the Admiral came out in his usual attire, his hands behind his back, the eyes focused. Ashley saluted. "Admiral."

"At ease, Lieutenant Commander."

"We are all set, Admiral. We have a counter-measure for the communications if the enemy is not Human. We will be able to communicate with the ship in Morse."

"Very smart, Lieutenant Commander. It is an old way to communicate, but it always work. However, it was not used since a long time. Do you have a way to decrypt the code?"

"Yes, Admiral. EDI can decrypt everything she wants. The Morse is like a walk in the park for her."

"Sure. I assume you have a plan, then."

"Yes. EDI and Lieutenant Vega will come with me to infiltrate the facility. If we can recover the Corporal who was caught, we will do it."

"Of course, but don't forget that you have to find as much information as you can. The Corporal is probably dead right now. He is considered as dead. If you don't find him, do not search for him. As soon as you have the information, you leave. Do not get caught yourself."

"Yes, sir." She waited several seconds before speaking again. "Can I ask you a question, Admiral?"

"Of course."

"How Shepard went to his appointments?"

The smirk on Hackett face was short, but noticeable. "The Lieutenant who escorted you to my office took care of him. He'll be there to protect him while you're away. Do not worry, he is a good solider."

"What about this trial?"

"Well...I had a meeting with the Admirals this afternoon. It doesn't sound good. Shepard has a lot of enemies because of some of his choices during the War, and some Admirals didn't like him since the SR1."

"Like Admiral Mikhailovich? I remember when he inspected the SR1, he was not happy at all."

"Yes, he is one of the few who doesn't like Shepard. You are lucky I am the only one to know that you're involved with the Commander since the SR1."

Ash froze. He wasn't supposed to know this. "What are you talking about, Sir?"

"Don't worry, Williams. Shepard told me after you left. Your secret is safe with me. For everyone else, you're involved with Shepard since the SR2, after the Citadel Coup."

"Oh...thank you, Admiral. Thank you for everything you're doing for us, it really means a lot."

Hackett smiled. "It is my pleasure to help you. Anderson and I were very happy to see you two together. You both worked hard during your life, and you deserve this happiness."

"Thank you, Sir. I will not disappoint you on this mission." Ashley saluted.

"I'm sure you won't. Give us an update as soon as you arrive in the system. Hackett out."

With that, the call disconnected. She still had a lot of time to spare, and she had to check the guns. She headed towards the elevator, nodding to the soldiers who saluted her, and pressed the button for the Cargo Bay. After a slow descent, the elevator opened itself. Steve Cortez was running scans on the Kodiak while James was checking the armours as requested earlier. Cortez spotted her, and saluted.

"Ma'am. The Kodiak is in perfect shape, nothing to worry about, everything is clean and ready to go."

"As usual, thanks to you." She looked towards James and asked "And you, Vega, is everything fine?"

Vega turned around and saluted. "Yes, Ma'am. I'm installing some mods to boost the shields as much as possible. We don't know what we're going to meet down there, better be prepared."

"Nice thoughts, Lieutenant. Keep up the good work, both of you."

They said in unison 'Yes Ma'am', and James spoke up. "So, how's Loco?" He turned back towards the armours.

Ash came to the bench where the weapons were and began to dissembled them, one by one, piece by piece, to inspect them, and install some mods too. "For the most part, he is fine. He still have nightmares, though. He doesn't like to talk about them, but I try to push him a little. It is not good for him to keep all of this for himself."

James manipulated the helmet of his new N7 armour carefully, inspecting it. "What about the pain? Still doesn't want painkillers?"

"It depends, but no, no painkillers. Sometimes he is in so much pain that he can't even sit up and sit in the wheelchair himself. But some days he is very good, no pain, no nightmares, nothing wrong." She smiled. She thought at a day when she had woken up with the bed empty next to her. She had been scared something had happened. She had get up, and found him in the kitchen, waiting for her, with the table set, breakfast ready. He was looking out through the window, the sun illuminating his skin. She was off that day, and he had asked to go to the park. It was a pleasant day, he had smiled all along. That's why she was fighting, and staying with him, even if most of the days, it was pain, suffering, or depressive thoughts. Because when he was all smiling and joking, it was worth it. It was what she wanted for them in the future. "He is very good in therapy, now. He doesn't hide things from Kelly anymore. He has some muscles mass back, too."

"That's good then! Do you think he'll come back? Well, I don't mean I don't like you but..err..well it's Shepard, you know."

"Yes, I understand, don't worry. I don't know if he'll come back. He needs his leg back, and he is not going to have on back soon enough." _Clip_. One gun done. She put the gun aside and took another one.

"He is the Saviour of the Galaxy, a Spectre, and an officer of the Alliance. He can't ask for a few favours?" asked Cortez.

"I think he could, but you know him. It would be an abuse of power. He hates it. He is not the only one with missing limbs in the galaxy."

"Even if I agree with you, I also agree with Esteban. He deserves it. He just save the whole damn galaxy!"

"Yeah, well, I can't force him to do that. It's his choice."

They settled into a comfortable silence, the three of them concentrated of their tasks. It took almost an hour for all the guns to be checked. When Ash left, James had still one armour to check. Everything was set for the mission. The Normandy had left Earth with all the supplies they needed, and everything was fine. She checked on Joker and EDI to see if everything was fine on their hands, checked on the crew, went to see Adams, and went to the Captain's Quarters. She took a warm shower. The water sliding on her bare shoulders, washing the tension away. Her hair were wet and the mirror was covered with steam. She dried herself and opened the bathroom door to let the heat escape. After several minutes, she looked at herself in the mirror. Those days ground side on Earth with Shepard did some good to her. Her skin was tanned, her hair shining, and she didn't have any dark rings under her eyes.

She smiled at her reflection to the mirror. She exited the bathroom and sat at the desk. She was going to give a call when Shepard's name appeared on the screen. She accepted the video-chat, and his face came out. He seemed happy. He was relaxed, no sign of pain on his face.

" _Hey_ " he greeted, smiling.

"Hey, I was going to call you. How was the rest of your day?"

" _Oh, as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. And you, with the mission?_ "

"We're going to Erinle in the Hourglass Nebula to investigate in a facility. I am sorry, _Sir_ , but it's Spectre business, classified." she smirked.

" _Well, I'm still a Spectre so..._ " he smiled.

"Yeah, whatever. We have a plan, I'm going down with Vega and EDI."

" _Don't want to take the new additions?_ "

"Well, not on this mission. It's going to be dangerous, we don't know who the enemy is. But they'll be prepared if we need any backup, ready to leave to our rescue in a shuttle."

" _Okay, then._ " There was a silence when neither of them said anything. " _When do you think it will be finished?_ "

"I don't know, it could be in over two or three days. Four at most I think. Why?"

" _Oh, just to know_ "

Ashley chuckled. "Mister Adrien Lucas Shepard, what are you hiding from me?"

Shepard laughed. " _It's nothing, really. I just already miss you is all_ "

Ashley looked at him in the eyes with the most serious face she could manage. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"

" _Well, I didn't want to say it, it's not nice._ "

"Very funny, Adrien." she mocked being annoyed but couldn't help the smile to crept on her lips.

Shepard laughed. " _Yes, I know._ "

"Seriously though, is it something important? Is it this Lieutenant who escorts you? Is there a problem with him?" asked Ash, concerned.

" _Hey, relax. It has nothing to do with the Lieutenant. He is a nice guy. Don't worry okay? And no, before you ask, I'm fine, I don't have any pain or anything._ "

"Okay, what is it, then?"

" _I can't tell you._ "

She arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

" _It's a surprise, you'll see._ "

Ash smiled. "For me?"

" _For you? No, for Boo!_ "

"You know, sometimes, you really are an idiot."

" _My jokes are very funny, you just don't understand them._ " he mocked being hurt, placing a hand on his chest, where his heart was.

"Yeah, I'm sure it's just me."

" _Yes. It's just you. I am a little tired right now, I'm going to bed, I just wanted to call you before._ "

"Okay, sleep well, love."

" _Just be careful, okay? Send me a message when the mission is over to tell me when you'll come back._ "

"Yes, I'll be careful, I'm a Spectre, remember?" She smiled. "I'll send you a message. Good night, and if there is any problem, you call me, okay?"

" _Yes, Mom_." Shepard sighed.

"Don't be like that, it's the first time I'm on a mission and you're out of the hospital. I'm just worried."

" _I know, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't worry so much. Good night, Ash. I love you. Be safe._ "

"Good night, Adrien. I love you too."

With that, she ended the call.

"EDI, ETA?"

"Ten hours and forty-two minutes."

"Okay, thanks. I'm going to get some sleep, wake me if there is any problem."

"Very well, Lieutenant Commander. Logging you out."

She closed the terminal and crawled into the bed. With the thought of that surprise, she fell asleep.

* * *

 **A/N : Hello! I hope all of you are fine, that you enjoy your holidays (well, in France, it's the summer holidays). I hope you enjoyed this chapter even if there is not a lot in it. As always, reviews are appreciated, I always enjoy chatting with you.  
**

 **Updated on 25/08/2015: corrected the error of the elevator (there is no elevator from the CIC to the War Room, it is on the same floor). Thank you SpectreStatus.**


	9. No Clue

It was hot under her helmet. The medium temperature of the planet is around 32° Celsius, but right now, it was about 35. Her hair were plastered on her forehead, sweat pouring from her face, her breathing slow but strong, her eyebrows frowned in concentration, looking for any threat at any junction. Behind her, Vega and EDI were assessing their surroundings.

They had entered the building almost thirty minutes ago. It had been easy. Maybe too easy. Nobody was on the ground floor. The inside was like all the others. Some furnitures, several rooms, bathrooms, bedrooms, a medical area with some labs, and a lot of plants everywhere for studies. EDI had scanned every computer, and nothing had been found in it besides data on the planet's environment. The underground was well-hidden. If it wasn't for the plan Souma had sent, they would have never found the entry. It was under a hatch, under the bed of one of the bedrooms, in the far right corner of the building.

They didn't meet any threat so far, so they were just going forward, staying on their guards. Contrary to the ground floor of the building, the underground was much more frightening. It was all dark and grey, with some blood here and there on the walls. In some rooms, there were torture stakes and torture chairs with ties. Next to it, some syringes with a strange fluid in it, and a screen with some logs. EDI had taken some samples, but they had to go back to the ship to analyse them. It really looked like those old vids about the Second World War and the experiments on the Jews.

"I detect a heat signature, and a vital sign. It is very weak, and it appears to be human." said EDI.

"Where?" asked Ash.

"At the next junction, in a room to the right."

"Only one?"

"Yes."

They approached the next junction, and a locked door greeted them on the right. Nothing more, nothing less. It was risky. Maybe it was a trick, but EDI could not be fooled that easily, right? They had to take a chance, they were three, and the person – whoever it was – behind that door was alone. "EDI, can you hack the door?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Vega, go on the right side of the door, I take the left one. EDI, stay behind, and a soon as the door is opened, you go inside with us."

"Aye aye." said Vega, before positioning himself as he was ordered.

"The door is ready to be opened, Lieutenant Commander."

"Okay, on my signal." She looked at James. He nodded. She nodded back. "Now!"

The door opened, and she wished she didn't have to see what was inside.

On the bed was a young Japanese man, early twenties, naked, barely breathing. He had four toes at each foot. The lacking ones were on a tray next to it, with five fingers, and an ear. It was horrible. Ash approached him, and just had the time to remove her helmet before vomiting. What she just saw was even worse than the cut fingers, toes, and ear. He had a huge cut on the stomach. It wasn't stitched. One could see his bowels inside. It was horrific. There was blood everywhere.

" _Dios!_ What kind of _pendejo_ can do that! Even Cerberus wasn't that cruel!"

The smell was also horrible. "EDI, please, scan him. And scan this computer there" she said, pointing to a computer in the left side of the room, putting her helmet back on her face. "Vega, with me, according to the plan, there is still one room left. EDI, if there is any problem, call."

"As you wish, Lieutenant Commander."

They exited the room, and marched towards the remaining room. In was around twenty meters away. They approached the door, which was not an electronic door like the usual door, but an ancient door, just like old times. It was written in Salarian on it. Ash brought up her omni-tool and typed the word on the translator. She gasped.

"So, what is it?"

"It means 'Quarantine'." She looked at him. "What do you think? We go inside?"

"We're in our armour, so if there is any toxic thing in the air, we are protected."

"Fine, let's go inside. On my signal, you destroy the door, and you go to cover. I go inside first, and you follow." Vega nodded. "Okay...Now!"

Vega kicked the door, and it opened with a loud _crack_. Ash turned on her flash-light and rushed inside. An empty room full of dust, and huge stairs going down, with no visibility. "We're going down, follow me."

Vega watched her with a surprised expression. "Are you sure? We don't know what's down there! And EDI is still back in that room with the guy! We need back up!"

"We went in all the rooms back there, there was nothing. We still don't know if there is a counter measure for the communications, so we're not going to call back up! We go down there. EDI will be fine."

Ash was his superior, he couldn't say no anyway. "Yes ma'am."

"We have to stay silent. No flash-lights, use the night visions on your helmet. Let's go."

They began to go down. Every step was taken with great effort. There was dust everywhere, and the stairs were very old. There was blood on the walls and the railings. The stairs seemed infinite, but after several minutes, they arrived at the end. It was quiet. Too quiet.

"There's nothing here." said Vega.

"Quiet!"

Ash looked everywhere, every corner of the room. It seemed huge, but there was a little light coming from a little window on the right. "Turn off the light vision." she began to go forward, weapon raised, assessing every corner of the room. It was circular, with several huge pillars. She moved toward one of the pillar, and shot a rock without noticing it. They both stopped, Ash bringing up her hand as a sign for 'Halt' and looked around them. The roof was very high, just like in a cathedral. She moved forward to the centre of the room but suddenly stopped. There was no floor anymore. There was a gigantic hole on the floor, the pillars around it. She heard the little stone touching the floor in the deep hole. Silence. "We can't go down there alone. We have to go back." said Ash.

She began to go back with Vega but a huge roar was heard. Tentacles came with high speed outside the deep hole, and an enormous creature came into view. Ash eyes widened.

"Run!" she yelled to Vega.

They both did without second thoughts.

The huge creature with its tentacles began to roar even more loudly. Vega and Ash were running as fast as they could. Besides the pillars, there wasn't anywhere to get into cover, so it was either the pillars (which weren't in good shape), or running. One of its tentacle almost knocked out Vega but he succeeded in avoiding it. However, Ash had her right foot trapped in one of them, and the creature was bringing her towards itself. She took her omni-blade and cut it, blood pouring at of the tentacles and on her armoured leg. The creature roared in pain. She quickly stood up and run towards the stairs, where it couldn't get them. She could see Vega in front of her, carrying his huge muscles as fast as he could. One of its tentacles almost destroyed one of the pillars when it tried to get Ash again, but this time she avoided it. They were almost at the door but suddenly they had to look behind them. Cries were heard, but it wasn't the Thorian.

"Oh, no!" said Ash.

"What's this?" said Vega, panting.

"Creepers! Thorian's 'slaves'! We have to go back, James!" said Ash, running back towards a pillar. The Creepers were numerous, maybe around 15. They were running towards them, and were coming from the other side of the hole. Their piercing cries echoing in Ash and James' ears growing louder and louder each passing second.

" _Dios_! You owe me at least ten bottles of tequila when we get back to the ship!" said Vega, following close behind her.

"We'll see, Vega!" said Ash, reaching the pillar. The Thorian was still roaring, but it was as if it was ordering its 'marionnettes' to kill them. "Kill them! All of them!"

"No need to ask, ma'am!" said Vega, before unleashing all of his bullets on them.

Luckily, before the mission, Ash had checked every single weapon available, and James had checked every single armor. They were at top efficency. They were working in unison. While one was reloading, the other was firing. A torrent of bullets was striking the Creepers, each one of them falling, one by one. The Thorian was crying, and its tentacles began to move again, as if angry of losing. There were four Creepers left.

"James, you take the two on the left, I take the two on the right. The first who's done help the other, and as soon as they're dead, we run!" said Ash while reloading. James stopped and reloaded as well. He nodded, and they both fired at them at the same time. The Creepers were ten meters away from them, and were running fast. Ash killed one of them, and James was almost done with the first one when the Thorian hit the pillar with one of its tentacle, and James had to duck out of the pillar to avoid a huge rock which would have crushed him. Ash stopped firing and grabbed his arm to put him back behind the pillar just in time before the tentacle almost tackled him. He fell hard on the floor, but quickly stood up to finish the job. He emptied his thermal clip on one of the Creeper before taking his shotgun and killing the remaining Creeper with the help of Ashley who had killed her Creepers.

The Thorian roared with rage again, and hit the pillar a second time. They chose this moment to run, still with weapons in hands, towards the door. Vega was almost tackled again, and nearly fell to the ground, taking Ash with him, but he managed to avoid it and kept renning. They arrived at it and turned immediately to the right to climb up the stairs. One of the tentacles destroyed the wall just next to the door. They were safe now, but they still ran, the adrenaline roaming their veins.

They arrived at the top, and stopped. They were exhausted, hands on their knees. They could still hear the cry of the beast just under their feet.

" _Dios!_ What was that!?" asked Vega, breathing heavily.

Ash looked at him, took a deep breath and began walking towards the room where EDI was. "Thorian."

"What?" said Vega, thinking he had misunderstood.

"I said: 'Thorian'. We'll discuss it later, let's go find EDI." said Ash, in a cold voice.

They arrived at the room where EDI was, and find her scanning the computer. The young Japanese man was still there, sweat all over his body. EDI had put a little blanket to cover the bottom part of his body.

"EDI, activate the chip, send a message to the Normandy. Inform them about the situation. One threat encountered: a Thorian. We can't do that alone anymore, we need back up. That's too late for the counter measure if they have one. It's urgent."

"Yes, Lieutenant Commander. I can't find any information on this computer."

"Okay, what about him?"

"According to his omni-tool, he is the man who was captured, listed KIA. Corporal Souma. He has multiple injuries: internal bleeding, infections, brain damages, and missing limbs. Without proper medical cares, his survival is unlikely."

"Do you think he'll make it to the Normandy?"

"Yes, but we have to fine something to push him. If I carry him, the bleeding will not stop. We have to find something such as a bed."

"Fine, there a lot in it anyway. Vega, with me, let's go find a bed. EDI, do as much as you can for him."

"I already did everything I could, Lieutenant Commander. I sent a message for a shuttle, informing Doctor Chakwas to come along."

"Thank you, EDI. Let's go, Vega."

After several minutes, they found a bed in one of the room, next to a torture stack, with a whip next to it, full of blood.

The mission was a total mystery. They were supposed to find intel, data, people. They only found that poor young soldier in a really bad condition. He had cuts almost everywhere on his body, missing limbs, brain damages, and the stomach open. They didn't find any anaesthetic in the room, which means he was well aware of what was done to him, and fully awake to cry out in pain. What kind of monster can do that to a young boy? Maybe Cerberus? But Cerberus wad dead. It was gone with the Illusive Man. It couldn't be them. Ash had to ask Liara for some information about this later. All that blood on the walls. They'll have to call back-up to take some samples.

They get back to EDI and put the poor man on the bed, and began to go back towards the main entry of the building to catch the shuttle of the Normandy. The mission was a disaster. Hackett will not be pleased with the outcome. Moreover, they will have to come with several troops to kill the Thorian and secure the building entirely. It was as if nobody had ever been there before. Guess it will take more than four days after all. Adrien's surprise will have to wait.

They reached the shuttle. Vega and Cortez put the bed in the shuttle while Chakwas and Ashley were trying to stop the bleeding.

Chakwas, who had always been stoic in her work, made a disgusted face. "This is horrible. I've never seen a solider that beaten before. Even Shepard after Akuze was not that bad, and I assure you, it was one of the worst thing I had to witness."

Ash motioned to Cortez to go. "Do you think he's gonna make it?" asked Ash.

"I don't know. And even if I knew, the medbay is not suitable. We have to go back to Earth or The Citadel for proper medical cares. All I can do right now is to postpone the deadline. I can try to stop the bleeding, clean his cuts, and try to cure the infection before stitching his stomach, but it will not save him."

"EDI said he had brain damages too." said Vega.

"This is correct. They are bad. And as I said, without proper medical cares, the sequela could be irreversible."

"What kind of sequela?" asked Ash.

"Maybe he'll lose the ability to speak, or even the ability to understand what we're saying."

That was bad. Very bad. He was only 19, and his life might be shattered. He needed an hospital, but they had to kill that Thorian! Otherwise, it will be like Feros. In the building, there was nobody, but what if there was people around here, in others buildings, or not far away from there? They'll be manipulated and become hostile to any attempt at killing the Thorian.

Ash hesitated. Before she could say anything, Cortez spoke up "We're here, ma'am."

The door of the shuttle opened, and they rushed to the medbay with the bed and the poor man. Chakwas went inside. EDI spoke "Lieutenant Commander, Admiral Hackett is waiting for you on the QEC."

"I'll take it."

"Lieutenant Vega, I need you here with me. I need help with him. Just do as I say." said Chakwas.

"Yes, ma'am."

The door to the medbay locked itself, and Ashley took the elevator towards the War Room and the QEC. When she arrived, the hologram of Hackett was already there, standing with his hands behind his back, a serious expression on his face, as usual.

Ash saluted. "Admiral."

" _At ease. What happened down there?_ "

"There was nothing in there, sir. No data, no information, nothing. We found Corporal Souma. He is in a very bad condition. He won't survive if he doesn't have proper medical care soon."

" _How bad is it?_ "

"Missing limbs, brain damages, internal bleeding. And...he had his bowels open, sir."

Hackett didn't seem to register what she had just say at first. And then it came. His expression turned from a serious one to a disgusted one. " _Are you sure there was nobody? Who can do that to a young boy like him..._ "

"I really don't know, sir, but his wounds were very...hard to...witness. But there is something else, sir. With Lieutenant Vega, we found a Thorian, deeper in the building. We managed to escape, but we have to kill it. If we don't, if there is people around here, they are going to be its slaves."

" _But staying here means the death of Corporal Souma?_ " asked Hackett.

"Yes, sir. We can't save the Corporal if we stay here."

" _Fine. I'll send ships. Some of them are not far away, a little less than an hour away or so. Go back to Earth, Lieutenant Commander._ "

Ash stared in shock. "What? But they're going to be slaughtered! I am familiar with the way of killing a Thorian, and I'm sure other soldiers are not."

" _Don't worry. They can handle it. They fought Reapers. I don't think a Thorian will stop them. They'll explore the building too, to be sure that nothing had been left. We are going to investigate. You have to go back to Earth anyway. Corporal Souma must be healed. We need to hear his testimony._ "

Ash couldn't deny a direct order from a superior officer. "Yes, sir. Will it be all?"

" _No. you have to come back to Earth because the trial is about to begin. You'll have some hearings first._ "

Ash was a little surprised, nobody had warned her. "So soon? But we didn't even set up a defence!"

" _I know, and unfortunately, the other Admirals did that on purpose. That the perfect opportunity for them. You're away, and set up a defence is not easy via vidchat. I am sorry, I couldn't postpone it any farther._ "

That was true. She didn't know why the other Admirals were so adamant in putting that trial up. It was big: condemn their most famous officers for fraternization, who happened to be both the firsts Human Spectre. With the Reaper War, they had thought they could forget about them, and let them live in peace, after everything they had done for the Alliance and the galaxy. It was a stupid trial. The Alliance will lose the support of the public. "I thought it would be much later during the year..." said Ash a little bitterly, even if it wasn't directed at Hackett.

" _Truth be told, I thought so too. The War just ended just half-a-year ago, and they are putting that trial up. I'll try to help you as much as I can._ "

"Thank you very much for you're doing for Shepard and me, Admiral."

" _It is my pleasure. Hackett out._ "

Ashley sighed, heading towards the Captain Cabin. "EDI, as soon as the Alliance ships are here, set a course for Earth, please."

"Yes, Lieutenant Commander."

She wanted to check on Chakwas, but the door of the medbay was still locked, and the glass was dimmed. Hackett was right. The Corporal had to survive. He just had to, because they had nothing to continue the investigation. They didn't know who was behind it, why, how, or when it began. She entered the Captain Cabin, and headed straight towards the shower. She stripped off of her armour and under-suit. Her skin was all dirty and sticky with sweat, her hair plastered against her forehead, and she wasn't smelling good. The water poured on her skin like a cascade, making her skin shiny in the light. She put her hands on her face, over her eyes and cheeks, and breathed in and out heavily. She was exhausted. She couldn't erase the images of that poor young solider with the bowels open, the fingers and toes next to him, all the cuts on his body. And all that blood...Ash was not a sensitive woman. She was a Marine, an Alliance officer, and a Spectre. She saw a lot of horrible things, like when she lost her entire unite, the 212, on Eden Prime, seeing her comrades being impaled by those pikes, and becoming husks. And well...she fought during the Reaper War. Brutes, banshees, marauders, cannibals...It was horrible. But it was war. In wars, there is death everywhere. But what she saw today, it wasn't war. The galaxy wasn't at war. She just saw a young man being kept captive for horrible experiments, or for torture. And he never asked for anything. He was innocent in all of this, and he might die because of...something, or someone he probably doesn't even know about.

She finished her shower, dried her hair, and put on her uniform with Shepard N7 sweater. She had to call Liara. She had to know something. She searched her name through her list at the terminal, and clicked on it. She waited several seconds, and Liara's face popped on the screen.

"Hello, Liara. How are you?"

" _Hello, Ashley. I am fine, a little tired, but fine. There is a lot to do to rebuild a galaxy._ "

"I couldn't agree more. What about your agents?"

" _Oh, I lost a lot of them during the War but I've almost replaced all of them. I still have some vacant jobs. Anyway, what can I do for you, Ashley?_ "

"Do you know anything about an underground facility on the planet Erinle?"

" _Let me see..._ " Liara turned around. " _Glyph? Can you tell me if there is anything about a facility on Erinle?_ " Ashley heard Liara said. " _Okay, thank you Glyph._ " She turned back towards the screen. " _I have some data about Erinle, but nothing about an underground facility. Do you want me to send you the files?_ "

"Yes, who knows? Maybe I'll find something. Thank you Liara."

" _So, how are you doing? What was this mission?_ "

"Well...there was nothing. We found a Corporal who was missing. He is in a very bad condition, but we're going back to Earth to take care of him."

" _I thought he was listed KIA?_ " asked Liara.

Ash looked at her questioningly. She was going to ask how she knew this, but she stopped herself. Liara was the Shadow Broker, she knew everything before everyone. "Yes, but we found him. Barely alive. He might not survive if we're not fast enough."

" _Goddess. He was so young._ "

"Yes. And you will never believe what I'm about to say."

" _I might surprise you._ "

"There was a Thorian. He almost got me, but I cut his ugly tentacle. Hackett send ships to kill him."

" _A Thorian?!_ " Liara gasped. " _Goddess! How is that possible?_ "

"I have no idea, but it looked so much like Feros. Hopefully, nobody is around according to the Dalatrass."

" _I'll have some agents looking into it, Ashley. I'll send you everything I can._ "

"Thank you, Liara" Ashley said, smiling. Liara was like a little sister to her, as Tali. At first, she didn't like her, thinking she was interested in Shepard, but in fact, it was nothing like that. Liara and Shepard were close friends, nothing less. In fact, most of the crew was considered by Shepard as his family, since he never had parents or siblings. He was close to his crew, and wanted to know them as much as he could. He cared about them, and that was one of the first thing Ash noticed. A caring man.

" _You're welcome. So, how's Adrien? I heard about the trial. It's stupid._ "

"He was fine when he called me yesterday. I'll call him afterwards, by the way. When I'll get back to Earth, we'll have our first hearing."

" _What do you think about it? Are you confident?_ "

"I really don't know, Liara. Adrien pissed off a lot of people even before the War started. And me...well, I'm still a Williams."

Liara was a sad for her friends. Those two were just meant to be together. At first, she found Shepard very kind and handsome, and thought that maybe he'll be interested in her. But then he saw the way he looked at Ash, the way he talked to her, and her when she blushed about a little teasing comment, a glance, or a compliment. She learnt later from Kaidan that it was the way teenagers behaved when they were around their crush. She was not jealous. She thought it was love, but it was just admiration. He was like a brother. " _I can help you, you know. I can find some files about the trial, to see what they want to accuse you of._ "

"Liara, it's very nice, but Adrien and I both know what we're accused of. And we're guilty."

" _Yes, but..._ " Liara didn't have anything to say. What Ashley said was true. They had broken rules, and they were guilty. She couldn't do anything. " _Still, if you need anything, just give me a call, I'll be more than happy to help both of you._ "

"Thank you very much, Liara. I'll keep that in mind. I'll let you work now. Thank you again, I'll call you." said Ash.

" _It is my pleasure, Ashley. See you later._ "

The screen died. Ashley sighed. They definitely had nothing. No clue, not even a location, a name, or even a data. EDI had still to scan those samples she had taken, but the results were not here yet.

"The course for Earth is set, Lieutenant Commander. ETA, sixteen hours and thirty five minutes."

"Thank you, EDI."

She clicked on Adrien name. He didn't answer. _Strange_. She called again. No response. On the third try, he answered, but he almost missed the call. His face appeared, and Ash knew immediately he wasn't good. She learnt how to figured out when he was hiding pain, sorrow, or depressive thoughts. He was always trying to put on a brave face, but it didn't work with Ash. He faked a smile at her.

" _Hey, Ash. Are you done? Are you okay?_ " asked Shepard, seeing her sad face.

"We found the missing soldier. He is seriously wounded. Cuts everywhere, some toes and fingers cut, as one of his ear. The stomach opened..." Shepard just stared at her in shock. "And a Thorian."

There was a little silence. And then he understood. " _A Thorian? A Thorian like...like a Thorian as in Feros?_ "

Ash rolled her eyes. "Yes, a Thorian."

" _Did you kill it?_ "

"No, Hackett want me to go back to Earth. We have to take the solider to an hospital, or he is not going to make it. Hackett sent some ships to take care of it, though. And well, there is the trial, so..."

" _Yeah...the trial. Hackett told you, I guess?_ " asked Shepard sadly.

"Yeah..." sighed Ash. There was a pause when none of them spoke. Ash broke the silence. "How are you?"

" _Oh, fine. I'm doing well in physical._ "

Ash watched him carefully. "You can tell me the truth, you know."

Adrien sighed. His mouth moved as if he was trying to say something, looking to his lap, but he didn't say anything. He sighed, still looking at his lap, and spoke " _I had a bad night, and...you weren't there._ " He was touching the armrests of his chair. " _and I hurt a lot, today._ " he was still avoiding her gaze.

Ash sighed. "I know, I'm sorry I wasn't there. But I'll be home soon." She smiled faintly.

He looked up at her, with guilt in his eyes. " _I know, but it's not your fault if I'm..._ " he tried to find a word to describe himself. " _...like this. I'm not mad at you, Hackett called you. It's your job, and I know you love it, I don't want you to stop everything because of me._ "

"It's okay, Adrien. I know."

He smiled a little, looking back at his lap. " _I hope it wasn't like this._ "

Ashley looked at her lap too. "I know. Me too."

There was a small silence. Shepard cleared his throat. " _Well, I better let you sleep, you seem exhausted._ "

Ash chuckled. "That's because I am."

" _Goodnight, then._ "

"Goodnight, Adrien. I'll be home soon."

Adrien smiled warmly. " _Yes._ "

"Take care of you, Adrien. I love you." said Ash, smiling.

" _You too. I love you._ "

The call disconnected. She knew she shouldn't feel guilty, as he said, it was her job to go away, but she couldn't help it. She was away from him for so long, and now that she could stay with him, she had to go away. And then, there was this stupid trial. It was like God was putting as much obstacles in their way as He could. But it was worth it. Everything concerning Shepard was worth it.

"EDI, I'm going to take a nap. If there is anything important, woke me. I want an update on Corporal Souma's health as soon as possible."

"Of course, Lieutenant Commander."

Ash dimmed the light of the Captain Cabin. She just took off her shoes, and lay down in the bed. Sleep claimed her easily, with the burning images of blood.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello! This chapter is the longest I ever posted, I think. As usual, reviews are appreciated. Tell me if 4000 words chapters are too much?**

 **Tell me what you think about the "action" as well, it will be good for future chapters.**

 **Hope you enjoyed! Thank to those who followed and favourited.  
**

 **Updated on 25/08/2015: added some lines during the encounter with the Thorian.**


	10. Back Home

"We're here in thirty minutes, Lieutenant Commander" said Joker over the intercom.

"Okay. I'm gonna see Chakwas. Let me know when we're here." answered Ashley.

She stood up from her desk in the Captain's Cabin and headed towards the elevator. She had woken up four hours ago, and had done some reports. She hadn't been able to go back to sleep, the images of the base everywhere in her thoughts. She had tossed and turned, the blood and the body of this poor young man in every single thought. She had seen death, husks, banshees, cannibals, and the blood was always there, somewhere. It had awaken some dark memories. The loss of the 212. The death of Shepard over Alchera. Dr. Eva Core smashing her head against the shuttle. The almost lifeless body of Shepard in the rubble on The Citadel. It was hard, but she always managed to deal with it.

The elevator stopped and opened itself, the memorial the first thing one could see when the doors were opened. She had almost put Shepard's name on it, but she couldn't do it. She had to know for sure. She had to find something that prove his death.

She strode towards the medbay, and entered. The young man was still in a bed, with a protective blanket to avoid infections. Chakwas was next to his bed, datapad in hand, deep in thoughts.

"Hello, Karin. How is he?" asked Ashley. Both women had become close after the death of Shepard. Chakwas had been very kind to Ashley, like a second mother, when Ash needed to talk, or a shoulder to cry on. Chakwas had grieved too. Shepard was like a son to her, even if he was annoying as a patient.

Chakwas looked at her. "Hello, Ashley. He is doing fine. Well, in his condition. I stitched his stomach, so his infection is gone. I cleaned him as much as I could. Now, we just have to wait and see. I can't tell you anything about his head. He is not going to make it if he is still here in one or two hours. He lost a lot of blood, and his body had to endure the pain of the limbs being cut."

"In less than thirty minutes we're at the spaceport on Earth. That's really horrible. I don't understand. How is it possible to do so much damages to a young boy?"

"You know, dear, I saw my fair share of atrocity during my career, but this...this is disgusting." said Chakwas with a disgusted look.

"I'll say to EDI to send a message, so when we dock, the hospital will be ready for us."

"Thank you, Ashley." Chakwas put the datapad on her desk, and sat on her chair. The young man was stable, but his heart had stopped several times already. His body had been through too much, and she didn't know if she could get him back again. She looked at his chest rise and fall. At least, he didn't need help for his breathing. "So, how is Adrien doing? He is an horrible patient! How do you deal with him?"

Ashley chuckled lightly. "Yeah, he is very hard sometimes, very stubborn. For the most part, he is doing fine."

"Not as stubborn as you." said Chakwas, smiling at her, remembering when those two were debating on who should drive the Mako. "What about his nightmares? Did he have another 'episode'?" Chakwas knew about his little 'hallucination episode' at the hospital, she was here that day, volunteering while the Normandy was there.

"No, no more 'episode', but he still have nightmares. Sometimes, he cry himself to sleep, other times, he just stare at the ceiling saying nothing. I hate when he is like this. When he cries, I know why, I know what to do, but when he stares and say nothing, it freaks me out."

"He needs time. He woke up just some months ago. It's hard for him to be in this condition. What about his physical therapy with Ms. Lawson?"

"He is doing fine, but he is very tired. He wants his leg back. And sometimes he is in a lot of pain. He can't sit up, he can't sit in his wheelchair alone without me carrying him out of bed. But what he hates the most is taking a bath. He can't wash himself alone, so I have to do it. It is very humiliating for him, he hates it."

Chakwas smiled a little. "You know, the fact that he lets you wash him is very meaningful. He has to love you very much to let you do this."

Ashley smiled faintly. "I know. But I won't hide to you the fact that I'm very scared for this trial."

Chakwas stood up and hugged Ashley, and spoke softly in her ear. "I know, dear, but believe me, nothing is going to happen. You are both going to be fine. Shepard and Hackett will do everything in their power to not let you be the scapegoat." She backed away. "You are a lovely couple, and the galaxy owes its life to both of you. People won't let you down. You have all the crew behind you, and a lot of other people too around the galaxy who want to thank you for everything you did for them. You are not alone in there."

Ashley hugged Karin again. "Thank you so much Karin, for everything you did for us."

"That's okay. You two are like my two children."

Suddenly, EDI spoke up. "Sorry to interrupt, but we are about to dock Earth. Five minutes."

"Thank you, EDI. Ask for a medical team to be prepared to receive a severely wounded Alliance soldier. He has to be in a hospital ASAP." said Ashley.

"Message sent, Lieutenant Commander."

"Thank you." She hugged again Chakwas and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll get my duffel bag and head back home. Thank you again Karin for the talk, I really needed it. Good bye!"

"That's okay, dear. I'll let you know about the Corporal's health. Have a nice day, dear."

Ashley took the elevator back to the Captain's Cabin. She entered it, and noticed that she had a new message on her terminal. She sat the the desk and opened it.

 **From: Darbyshire, Marc**

 **To: Williams, Ashley**

 **Subject: Commander Shepard's condition**

 **Hello, Lieutenant Commander.**

 **Commander Shepard was going to be there to welcome you back at the spaceport, but due to his health, he will not be able to be here. I am sorry. He is in a lot of pain, and don't appear to be fit for this. I am with him, and wait for you. I'll leave as soon as you are here. I am sorry again.**

 **Lieutenant Darbyshire**

 _Oh no_. A difficult night was ahead of them, she knew it. She sighed heavily and put her head in her hands, her elbows on the desk. Sometimes, everything appeared so normal, like she would go back home, and find him waiting for her, smiling, his eyes sparkling, the sun shining, just like in the vids. Instead of this, she will find him probably in bed, sweating, moaning, and maybe crying. She stood up, and began to pack her bag. She knew it wasn't his fault, but it was a huge load to carry. To take care of him everyday. Someone to help would be very useful, but she knew he wouldn't allow it, and she understood. He was a private person, it wasn't a surprise. She finished to pack her bag, and headed towards the CIC with the elevator. Traynor greeted her. She saluted.

"Hello again, Lieutenant Commander. Hackett wants to see you tomorrow at 1000. He wants more detail about the mission on Erinle."

"Okay, thank you Traynor. I'll head back home for now. Go home too, Traynor."

"I need to finish some things here, but I'll head home afterwards, don't worry. Have a good day, Lieutenant Commander."

"Good bye, Traynor."

She waited at the entrance of the ship. Vega and Cortez joined her.

"So, _Loca_ , do you have any plan for today?" asked Vega, smirking.

" _Loca?_ " asked Williams, an eyebrow raised.

EDI spoke up. "The Normandy is docked at the spaceport. You can leave the ship."

They strolled towards the exit of the ship.

"Well, Shepard is _Loco_ , so you're _Loca_. Simple."

"Well, okay...Hulk. I'll head home. You? Something with Steve?"

"Yes. We are going to have some drinks. Do you want to join us before going back to your place?" asked Cortez.

"Thank you for the invitation, but I really have to go back home."

"Okay _Loca_ , no problem. Call if you or _Loco_ need anything, alright?"

"Yes, don't worry. Enjoy your drinks."

"Thank you, Lieutenant Commander. Good bye." said Steve.

"And don't forget _Loca_ , you owe me ten bottles of tequila!" called Vega behind his shoulder.

"In your dreams, Vega." said Ash, smiling.

She caught a shuttle and headed towards her place. She had been gone for five days, and some buildings were finished. When she had took the Normandy towards Erinle, some of them were still a pile of ashes. The work shifts were very effective. Each day, Paris was more and more crowded, more 'alive', but they were far away from what Paris used to be once. The hospital were less crowded, and those that remain were severely wounded soldiers or civilians. However, the sequela of the Reaper War was still everywhere. There was still blood on the street. Repairing roads was not the priority. Repairing buildings to host everyone was the priority. Her place had been built in four days and five nights by Krogans, Geths, and Humans. Some makeshift hospital were built by Salarians and Asaris, and they became huge hospital, all in white, high in the sky, making the clouds sneeze.

She arrived at her place. She opened the door.

"Hello? Lieutenant? Adrien?" She put her bag on the sofa in the living room and removed her jacket.

Lieutenant Darbyshire appeared from their bedroom, and saluted her. "Lieutenant Commander Williams. I am truly sorry that Commander Shepard wasn't able to welcome you. I won't bother any longer. He is in bed right now, waiting for you."

"No need for formalities. Thank you very much for what you did for him."

"It was my pleasure. I'll be happy to help you again."

"Thank you. Good bye, have a nice day."

He left, and said "Good bye" before closing the door.

Ashley entered slowly the bedroom and spotted him. Here he was, shirtless, in the bed, sweating, on his side, face to the door. Their eyes locked, and Ash smiled faintly, happy to see him, but sad to see him in this condition. She approached the bed, and sat on the edge. She kissed his forehead and stroked his cheek. "Hey."

He smiled a little, visibly in pain. "Hey. You're back."

"Yeah, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry I couldn't come." He moaned in pain.

"Hey, that's okay. Did the Lieutenant is nice to you?"

"Marc? Yeah, he was a nice. He lost his wife during the War, but he saved his little girl. He was in Vancouver. We talked a lot."

"He looks like a nice guy." She smiled.

"He is."

"Are you thirsty? Hungry?"

"No, I'm fine." He moaned again in pain.

"Hey, let me help you." She helped him to turn. He was now on his stomach. She straddled his hips, and began to massage his shoulder. "Better?"

"A little."

She massaged him in silence, enjoying the warmth of his body. She'll help him bath later. He needed a massage right now. His muscles were tense, and he had a lot of tension. She began to massage his arm.

"No, not the arms, it's okay." He hated this. His arms were the worst. They were very sensitive, and most of the time, he was in so much pain he couldn't even drink a glass of water by himself, someone had to hold the glass for him to drink. Ash had find a way to appease him, but he had to suffer to reach this serenity.

"Don't be stupid, Adrien." She began to massage his right arm. She hated to do this to him. She had to make him suffer to have some hours of peace. Sometimes, she wanted to cry with him when she was doing this, but she couldn't. She had to be brave and strong for him, reassure him.

"It hurts so much." He said, his head in the pillow, almost a murmur. He was sniffling, the pain too much to bear.

"I know it hurts, sweetheart, but think of how good you feel after this. I know it's hard, but you'll be so good after." It was true, after this, he was always relaxed, his mind and body at peace.

She massaged his arms and all of his body. His leg was as difficult as his arm, maybe worse than the arm, the pain more violent. The pain made him tense, making the massage even more painful that it already was.

"So, tell me more about this Lieutenant Darbyshire. What did you do while I was away?" She had noticed that when he talked, he was distracted from the pain.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. We went to the physical. Miranda don't know when I'll be able to have a transplant. Kelly said that I was a little better."

"Did you tell her about the nightmares?"

"Yes. She says I'll probably have them until the end. Not as often, though."

"When I called you last time, you weren't good. Were you in pain most of the time?"

"Well...the day you left I was okay. The day after that too. That's it."

"Did you call Miranda about the pain?"

"No."

She sighed. "You should. Maybe there's something she can do for this."

Shepard frowned. "No, it's fine. I can handle it."

"Maybe your mind can handle it, but not your body. You don't know what it means. You should talk to Miranda." Shepard stayed silent. "Please. Just to reassure me. I'll feel better knowing it's normal."

Shepard sighed. "Okay, I'll ask her tomorrow."

Ashley smiled and kissed his cheek. She stayed silent for a moment, but noticed that the pain was coming back. She quickly found something to talk about. "So, that Lieutenant, Marc? What else did he tell you?"

"Well, as I said, he has a little girl, Amber, she is nine. She stayed with her father during the War. In Vancouver, he found a kind of 'camp' of resistance fighters. They were around fifty. Only ten of them survived. His wife wasn't one of them."

"And his little girl, Amber, was she injured?"

"Yes. A broken leg. She was lucky. She is staying at the Alliance HQ with her father. You know, I think he'll be good on the Normandy. You just have to see what he has to give in the battlefield."

Ashley smirked. "We'll see, mister." She stopped the massage. "I'm done. Now, let's get you naked. You need a bath." She sat on the bed, and sat him against the headboard. "Did he bath you?"

"Yes. I learnt how to strip out of my clothes alone. I just needed him to wash my back. So, sorry, you're not going to see me naked today." Shepard smirked. It was hard, but he had accepted that he had to be dependent on someone for a long time. He didn't feel as humiliated as before.

Ashley took his wheelchair and put it next to the bed, and began to help him to sit in it. She faked a pout, crossing her arms after having helped him. "Not fair." She wheeled him in the bathroom. "I'll go cook. If there is any problem, you call me immediately."

"I know!" said Shepard, hurrying her out of the bathroom before closing the door.

Ashley smiled. It was strange to see him that relaxed about all of this. He had great difficulties to accept that he needed her help, that he couldn't do everything alone any more. When she called him last time, he seemed depressed, but now, he was joyful, almost happy. She didn't know why but she felt that something had changed, as if he was hiding something. Maybe he was just excited that she was back home. She heard the water running in the bathroom. It took several minutes, but he was in, now. It would have taken just a minute with her help, but he needed to believe in himself. He needed to feel that he was making progress, going above his handicap. He needed to feel whole again.

She was cooking some carrots with onions and ham. She had bought a bottle of Asari wine, too. They both deserved and needed a little drink. With what was coming, they needed a lot of drink. She wasn't afraid to say the she was scared about the trial. She had worked hard to be here. She had faced a lot, suffered immensely, and became someone she never thought she could be. The Second Human Spectre. And maybe she'll lost everything. They had to find something, it was vital. She didn't want to lose her job, but she didn't want to lose Shepard either. Her first love was Shepard, her second one was her job.

She stopped cooking. She set the table, and waited. The water wasn't running any more. She knocked at the bathroom door and put her ear on it.

"You're okay in there Adrien?"

The door was opened two seconds later, letting appear a freshly bathed and clothed Adrien Shepard, in his wheelchair. A blue tank top and a black short on. He was smiling, his boyish little grin that she loved to hate. "I'm fine."

She kissed his forehead. "Mmmh, you smell good."

"Well, I just take a bath, so that's normal." He spotted the table. "You made dinner?"

"Yes, I did. Let's eat."

"I told you I wasn't hungry."

"Well, good for you, but I am. And you'll eat."

"Why?"

"Because I tell you to eat. And if you don't, you'll sleep on the couch." She smirked.

"Ouch, no need to be so strict. But that's fine, I like women with character."

"Shut up and eat."

"Yes, ma'am."

They ate in silence, but Shepard noticed that Ash was glancing at him from time to time. Something was bothering her. He put a mouthful of food in his mouth, and put his fork aside.

"Ash?" She didn't answer. She was lost in thoughts, eating like a robot, mouthful after mouthful, picking at her plate. Her reached for her arm across the table. "Ash?"

She looked up at him, seeing his concerned look. "Eh?"

"You okay? You don't speak." He released her arm.

She hesitated a little before speaking. "I'm scared."

"Scared? Of what?"

"The trial. I don't want to lose my job. And I don't want to lose you." Her eyes were watering a little, but there were no tears on her cheeks.

"Everything is going to be alright. I promise."

"How can you be so calm about the situation?"

He put his hand on her cheek, and looked straight at her with an intense gaze. "I'll find a way. I promise you, nothing is going to happen to you, to your career, or to me."

"You're not invincible, Adrien. There is nothing you can do."

He sighed. He put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. "I'll find something. You'll see. I'll ask to every single person I know if I have to, even Aria."

Ashley snorted. "I don't think the Queen of Omega can do something about it."

Shepard looked at his plate. "I know..."

There was a little silence when neither of them said anything. Ashley spoke up. "You can tell me if you're scared, you know. I won't be mad, it's normal after all. You're about to lose everything too."

"Neither you nor I are gonna lose something. I said I was going to find a way, and I will."

Ashley smiled faintly. "You're so stubborn."

Shepard chuckled. "You'll see."

"Okay, I trust you."

They finished eating and Ash did the dishes while Shepard sneaked into the bedroom. Her tool was on the night-stand, and he quickly looked into it to find a day where she had nothing to do. He wanted the whole day free for his surprise, with no interruption. He scrolled through her agenda, and found that the day after tomorrow was free. Perfect. Being Commander Shepard had its benefits, one of them being able to go everywhere just by saying his name, or book a table at a high starred restaurant without having to wait the long lists. However, on Earth, there wasn't a lot of restaurant. They were destroyed. The Citadel was still in orbit around Earth, so the journey wasn't long at all with a shuttle.

"Adrien? What are you doing?" Ashley called from the kitchen. Adrien quickly put back the omnitool at its place, and sat on the bed as quickly as he could with his only leg to support him. Ash entered the bedroom and saw him sat on the bed. "Are you okay?" She sat next to him.

"Yeah." He looked at the ceiling, and then at her. "What do you say the day after tomorrow we take the day for ourselves? Just the two of us? I'll take care of everything."

Ashley smiled. "You don't need to do this."

"No, but I want to." He smiled. "So?"

"Okay." She leaned and kissed him.

He pulled back and put his hand on her cheek "It will be perfect, you'll see."

She smiled again and leaned to kiss him again after saying "I'm sure it will."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys! Hope everything is okay for you! I'm starting school on the September 21st so maybe the updates are going to take longer than usual, I'm not sure yet. Hope you liked this chapter, even he is a little empty with the content, but the trial and all are coming. It's like a transition. As always, reviews are appreciated, I love reading them!**

 **Take care of you!**


	11. D-Day

**A/N : Hello! Sorry for the long wait, but as I said last time, I started school, and I'm very busy. I had to read _Pride & Prejudice_ (which quite long even if it does not look like it), and then, those attacks in Paris. If you didn't read my profile page, I'm French, I live in France, and I felt really bad and hurt, even if I don't live in Paris. This is still my country, and it hurts me when someone attacks my country and its values. I'm sick of seeing this world with so much violence. It was like January (Charlie Hebdo) all over again.**

 **Anyway, here is the chapter you were waiting, please, review!**

* * *

"Please, Miranda, just for this time. It's very important, I really need to go. Kelly already gave me her permission."

Miranda sighed. "Seriously Shepard, I don't think it's a good idea. You want to go away for two whole days."

"It's not that far! It's like...thirty minutes away with a shuttle, that's nothing. Plus, I'm feeling very good!" Miranda stared at him. "Please Miranda. I promise you: if there is a problem, I'll call you immediately. I won't complain any more about the therapy. I just need those two days."

Miranda sighed again, and smiled a little. He was as stubborn as before. "Fine. You can go. But you take the wheelchair, it's not up for a debate."

Shepard smiled so wide his face almost split in two. "Thank you so much, Miranda! It really means a lot to me. And I'm already in the wheelchair."

"I know, I just wanted to be sure that you won't take the crutches. Now, off! I have work to do, and enjoy those two days as much as you can, because when you come back, you'll have a lot to do!"

Shepard laughed. "That's okay. Thank you again, see you in two days!"

Shepard exited Miranda's office. Today was the big day. He had asked Kelly the right to be absent today, and the day after, to spend the day at the Citadel with Ash. He had the first day planned already, but not the second one. They'll improvise what they'll do when it will be time. Lieutenant Derbyshire will escort them in the shuttle, and take them back on Earth afterwards. Neither Ash nor him will have something to do. He had called a society which had cleaned the apartment, he had asked lunch to be delivered at home, and had booked a private booth in a fancy restaurant. He knew exactly where he was going to propose. He just had to ask.

He had to take a shuttle to go back at Ash place right now, without being seen. He had asked James to escort him this time, Derbyshire being already busy. James was waiting for him behind the hospital.

"Hey, _Loco_! How are you?" greeted James, shaking Shepard's hand.

"Fine. You?"

"Fine too." James lifted Shepard from his wheelchair and put him in the passenger seat. He then put his chair in the back of the shuttle. "You put on weight, that's good!"

"Yeah, Ash and Miranda are always nagging at me to eat like a horse."

James sat in the driver seat, and started the shuttle. "So, what's on the agenda for today?"

"Today and tomorrow we're on the Citadel with Ash."

"Wow, two days! How did you manage to convince Miranda?"

"I just asked her during the whole therapy, and I think she just said yes so I wouldn't bother her any more." Shepard laughed.

"Yeah, that's a good technique. What have you planned?"

"I can't tell you, but you'll know soon enough."

James smirked "Oh, that's a little fishy! But well, if you want to keep it a secret, that's your choice."

"And what about you?"

"Well, since you said you had to go away for two whole days, maybe Miranda will need some...occupations to pass the time."

Shepard laughed. "Okay! You didn't tell me you were interested. Maybe I can put some good words for you." He grinned mischievously.

James chuckled. "Well, she is smart, beautiful, she seems nice. And I don't think I need any good words from you, I am an Adonis."

"Maybe, but you're not smart. I think she likes smart people."

"I'm not smart? Do you have a proof?"

"Yes. In fact, I'm talking to the guy who crushed a shuttle in another shuttle."

"That was different, it doesn't count!"

"Yeah yeah, keep telling that to yourself." laughed Shepard.

"Oh, I will." chuckled James. They could see Ash's house from the shuttle. James landed carefully the shuttle next to it, and opened the door. He put the wheelchair out of the shuttle and on the ground, and lifted Shepard to put him in it. "There you go, _Loco_."

"Thank you very much, James. Keep in touch, okay? Let me know about Miranda."

"Yeah, don't worry _La_ _chica_ is going to melt when I'll show up."

"Of course! See you around, James!"

"Thank you, _Loco_. Take care of you, make the most of your 'holidays'." James walked back in the shuttle, and took off.

Shepard entered the house, and spotted Ash in front of the TV. She had made a bag with the necessities for both of them for the two days ahead of them. They had clothes at the apartment, but just in case some things were missing, she had prepared. She turned around when she heard him enter the house. She smiled at him, and as he went in front of her, she kissed him.

"Hey. How was the therapy?"

"Good. We can leave now. Did you send a message to Marc?"

"Yeah, he is coming in one hour. I made a bag just in case, if we don't have every thing we need at the Citadel. Do you want to bring something?"

"No, that's okay."

"What did Miranda say?"

"I harassed her, and she said yes. If there is a problem, I call her, blah blah blah, the usual."

"Okay. So, we have one hour to kill. In the mood to cuddle?" said Ash smiling.

They both lay down on the couch, Ash spooned by Shepard. They were both watching TV, their breathings calm, relaxed. He could breath in her sweet hair, the scent of her shampoo, her skin was soft under his fingertips. She could feel his breath on her neck, warm and settled. Her hands on his thin arms and hands. They used to be strong, powerful, able to find her most sensitive spots, make her cry out in ecstasy. He was so weak. But today, he was joyful, excited. He was in a very good mood, and no pain was in sight. Today was going to be a good day. They were going to be alone, no calls, no missions, nothing. Shepard had secretly called Hackett to ask him to not call for those two days. Reports could wait.

They were so lost in their thoughts that they didn't even noticed that one hour had passed, and they were brought back into reality by Derbyshire knocking on the door.

"It's time!" said Shepard, smiling.

Ash couldn't help smiling too, his smile was contagious. She let him sit in his wheelchair alone, and went to open the door. Marc stood there, in casual clothes. It was the first time she saw him like this. A simple black jacket, a white t-shirt, and trousers.

"Hello, Lieutenant Commander." he saluted.

"Please, we're off duty, call me Ashley." she shook his hand.

"Fine, Ashley."

"Come on in." She stepped aside. "Thank you very much to take us to the Citadel."

"That's okay, that's really nothing. The galaxy owe you its life after all."

Shepard came around, and quickly greeted him. He had the bag on his lap, ready to go. "Hey, Marc!"

Marc shook his hand too. "Hello, Adrien. Ready?"

"Hell, yeah!"

"Let's go then!"

They exited the house. The shuttle was parked behind it, not too far away. They helped Shepard to get in, and put his wheelchair on his right. Ash sat on his left. Marc started the shuttle, and thirty minutes later, they were already on the Citadel, on the Silversun Strip, where the apartment was located. Marc and Ash stepped out, and helped Shepard.

"And then he said 'I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is now my favourite spot on the Citadel!' He just stole my line!" said Shepard.

"I can't believe you made a shot contest up there." said Ash.

"It must be very beautiful, though." said Marc. He was walking with them toward the entrance of the Tiberius Tower. They were here.

"It is."

They stopped at the entrance and shook hands with Marc. "Thank you very much, Marc, really, it means a lot to us." said Ash.

"No problem, call me if you need anything. Maybe I'll bring my girl here."

"That's a good idea. We have a lot of bedrooms at the apartment, you can sleep up there if you want."

"Thank you, Shepard. Have a nice day, both of you, I'll see you later."

They said their goodbye, and entered the building. They took the elevator, which was even more slower than before – if that was even possible – and entered the apartment. Everything was clean, every single room, every single furniture. The fridge was full, but he had asked lunch to be delivered. They had thirty minutes left.

Shepard put the bag on the couch, and sat on it. He patted the space next to him to tell Ash to sit down. She did, and put her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her waist. He kissed he forehead.

"So, I asked lunch to be delivered. Then we have all afternoon to do everything we want, and then, we'll put beautiful clothes on, and go to a fine restaurant. Tomorrow, we'll do whatever you want, I don't really care what it is."

"I hope you don't plan on blowing up the restaurant. People won't let you in any more if you do."

"Ha ha. Very funny. As if I asked for it."

"Thanks goodness!"

She put her head back on his shoulder, smiling. She felt safe there. Nothing could hurt her, not even the Reapers. At first, when she lost the 212, she had been terrified. She was just a Gunnery Chief, and she had been thrown into the most advanced Alliance ship, with Commander Fucking Shepard. She was impressed, and very excited, just like a child in a candy store. She felt a little out of place at first, like she was replacing Richard Jenkins. But Shepard would talk to her after every mission, they would talk about her family, laugh, have fun. When the Normandy was on lock-down, Joker interrupted a kiss. They were in each other arms, their faces inches apart. She felt safe there. And she felt even more safer that night before Ilos. Even more that night before Earth. She was shaken by Adrien.

"Hello? Ash to the Citadel? Are you there?"

"Huh?"

"Where were you?"

She looked up at him. "I was thinking about you."

He smiled. "Yeah? What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about how safe I feel when I'm here, with you. Like...I can go into hell, but as long as you are with me, it's okay."

"Well, that's nice, but hopefully, we won't go back into hell any time soon."

"I hope so. You deserve some down time." After a silence, she spoke again. "Can I ask you something? But you don't have to answer if you are not comfortable with it."

"Yeah, sure." He answered, his eyes questioning.

She was about to ask him when someone knocked at the door. It was lunch. A man dressed to the nines came in, with a huge bag.

"Hello, Sir, Madam. It is a pleasure to meet you in person. Where can I put these?" he said, pointing to what was inside the bags.

"On the table, please." said Ash. She went into the kitchen to set the table while Shepard sat in his wheelchair, and paid the man.

"Thank you very much. Did you put what I asked you to?" asked Shepard quietly.

"Yes, Sir. I put it in a separate bag, here." He handed Shepard a little bag. Shepard took it, and hid it in his inside pocket.

"Thank you, I know it was not in your services, but I just could not find that anywhere. Here, a little tip for you."

"Thank you, Sir, it is my pleasure."

Ashley went back in the salon, and set the table. "It smells very good, what is it?"

"Well, Mr. Shepard here told me to keep it secret. Enjoy your lunch."

They both thanked him, and that on the couch, near the fire place. They opened the bag where the food was, a wonderful smell hit the nostrils of Ash. _No, it is not possible_.

She opened the little plate, hidden with a kind of cloche like old times.

"No way!" she said. She looked, smiling, at Shepard. He was looking at her, with his boyish grin she found irresistible. "How did you manage to find that!?"

"I have my secrets. So, what do you think?"

"Thank you so, so, much!" She hugged him and kissed him.

They both began to eat. It was all organic food, not those synthetic strange things they used to have in the military, or even in some bad restaurants. Cheap food was not good. Organic food was rare, especially after the War. And here she was, with a starter, a main-course, and dessert, all organic. The starter was a plum and sultana chutney foie gras. It was marvellous. The Food Heaven. As a main-course, it was a Provençale daube. And as a dessert, crème brûlée. And it was _all_ organic. It was the best lunch of her life. They hadn't spoken during lunch, and Adrien was watching her, smiling. When she had finished, she looked up. He was eating his crème brûlée. He laughed, seeing that she hadn't left anything on her plates.

"Well, I see you liked it."

She kissed him, softly, and lengthily. "Thank you so much, Adrien. I'm full. And it was wonderful."

She was eyeing his crème brûlée. "Hey, I thought you were full. Do you want some?"

"What? No! Plus, you have to eat. You put on weight, that's good."

A put the spoon full of crème brûlée in his mouth, and swallowed. "Well, you kind of feed me with everything you can find, so of course I put on weight. But that's good. I feel like I just...you know...get back on my feet. On my foot is more accurate, actually." He chuckled.

He finished his crème brûlée, and she snuggled against him. "Yeah, I noticed. That's great. You didn't have any nightmare yesterday. And you're good today. I'm happy to see you like this."

He kissed her softly. "I'm happy to see you're happy."

She sighed when he kissed her. It felt so right to be like this. "What are we going to do this afternoon?"

"I don't know. You know, I'm kind of full too right now." His voice was sleepy.

She looked up, and pinched his shoulder. "Hey, old man, it's not bedtime yet."

He moaned, and said in a whiny and childlike voice "I'm not old. I'm just four years older than you."

"Stop whining, and move your ass. I know where we can go! Come on! Get up!" She tugged and his arm while sitting up. He moaned.

"Okay, okay, slow down." He sat in his wheelchair. "Jeez, this is the last time a let you have so much food."

She looked and him, hands on her hips. "What does the food has anything to do with my energy?"

"I don't know, but I don't see anything else." She rolled her eyes, A smirk appeared on his face. "But well, you know, if you have so much energy each time I feed you like this, I'll give you this every night, just before...you know what-Ouch! Okay, I didn't say anything." She smirked. "You know, I'm just saying..." She looked at him, the don't-even-say-it-or-I-slap-you-again-behind-the-head kind of look. He put his head in the air a sign of surrender. They were both smiling.

They took the elevator, and exited the apartment complex, and then took a shuttle toward the Presidium. Adrien patted his interior pocket. He still had the bag the man had given him. _Perfect_.

"Hey, Ash, what do you say we go where Garrus and I had our shot contest?"

"Yes, if you want, but I don't know where it is."

"Don't worry, I'll guide you."

They arrived at the spot, and Ash helped him to go out of the shuttle. He struggled to sit on the floor, but Ash helped him, supporting him with her hands under his armpits. She sat before him, the back of her head on his chest, his back leant against the side of the shuttle, his arms around her waist. It was a beautiful day. Parts of The Citadel still had to be repaired. It was a huge work, but day after day, The Citadel was getting back into shape. C-SEC was everywhere, workmen relieved each other day and night, just like on Earth, skyscrapers already high in the sky. Economy was slowly getting back in the running. While he was watching the landscape, he just knew this was where he wanted to be for the rest of his life. He was supposed to wait until tonight, at this fancy restaurant, but he couldn't. The settings were wonderful. They were alone, nobody could find them, meaning no crazy journalists, women fawning all over him – which Ash hated, even if she said the contrary –, or a life and death situation. It was just bliss. Damn the fancy restaurant, they could still go, but he had to ask.

"That's very beautiful up there." she said, very quietly, as if to not disturb the moment of pure serenity.

"Yeah, no one to disturb us." He kissed her neck softly.

She moaned sleepily. "No journalists. That's heaven."

"Yeah, that's perfect for what I planned." She was a little sleepy, and didn't immediately understood. He shifted behind her.

"What are you do-" she couldn't finish. In front of her eyes was an _organic_ red rose. With petals. Very very red petals. And a green stem. A very very green stem. There were even the thorns. It was a rare sight those days. "It's beautiful." She was about to smell it, but she noticed that inside the petals, at the heart of the rose, there was something shiny. She picked it up. And she couldn't breath any more. Tears immediately weld up in her eyes, and she whispered "Adrien..."

He smiled. He took the ring from her hand, and held it with his index and thumb, in front of her. He chuckled lightly. "Ash?"

She turned around, smiling and crying at the same time. "Yes?" she managed to say between her happy sobs.

He took a deep breath. He also had tears in his eyes. This was it. "Will you marry me?"

It made her cry even more. She was laughing, and smiling, and crying. It was perfect, and he was perfect, and she couldn't be more happy. "Yes."

He finally breathed. He slid the ring on her finger, and kissed it. He was also crying, and they hugged tightly. They were both nervously laughing; and crying.

He whispered in her ear. "I love you, I promise you I'll make you the happiest woman of the galaxy."

She laughed through her tears. She looked at him, and took his face in her hands. "I love you too, and I already am."

They kissed. They had both tears on their cheeks, and it was not even five in the afternoon, but they didn't care.

"I was supposed to ask you tonight, but I just couldn't wait."

She smiled. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

They stared at each other for some time, and he chuckled.

"What?" she asked.

"I just...I can't believe you said yes. I was so nervous."

She laughed. "Why?"

"I don't know. I was being stupid, I guess."

She pinched his cheek, and said "No, you're not stupid, babe." She pecked him on the lips. "Well, sometimes you are, but it's not your fault."

"Hey!"

"What? I'm allowed to say that, I'm your wife-to-be."

He smiled. "'Wife-to-be'. I like the sound of it. You'll be Lieutenant Commander Shepard. Ashley Madeline Shepard."

"It's perfect."

"Just like you."

She laughed. "Oh my God, that's so cheesy! But I have to agree with you, I'm perfect."

"I only said this so I could get laid."

She rolled her eyes, and chuckled. She settled back on his chest, and eyed the ring. "It's very beautiful, Adrien. I love it."

"I'm glad. When I saw it, I just knew it was for you."

"Who knows?"

"Who knows what?"

"That you wanted to propose."

"Marc, because he was there when I bought the ring. That's it. I wanted it be a surprise."

"Well, it really was a surprise. I wasn't expecting this." She kissed him.

They both stayed silent, starring at the horizon. She remembered that she wanted to ask him something during lunch. But it didn't matter any more. They breaths were calm, their eyes shining. Everything was for the best in the best of all worlds. And her world was him.

* * *

 **A/N: Once again, sorry for the delay. I'm very busy, and those attacks...last week was hard, kind of depressing, you know. As usual, please review. I'll check on mistakes later, as usual, with a clear head. Thanks to those who follow and review.**

 **Ah, I forgot. For the things they ate at lunch, it's French gastronomy. Check on the Internet, especially the Provençale daube. It's from my region, and this is just so good.**


	12. Author's Note

Hello guys !

I know it's been awhile since the last update and I am very sorry. I had my exams in January and the second semester began immediately after.

Those last months were very stressful for me, as I try to apply for ERASMUS. For the non-EU here, it is a program for students which allows us to spend six months or one year in a foreign university. I want to do it next year, but it is very stressful, because I have to think about my current year and my next year abroad if I am accepted. I also have to think about money, because I don't want to put my parents in troubles.

In brief, I didn't have a lot of time to write, and this semester I have to read _Le Morte d'Arthur_ in two volumes (HUGE), and _Howards End_. I can't give you a date of update, but I will update don't worry. Maybe next month, but I don't want to make any promises.

I know it's late, but Joyeux Noël and Bonne Année from France :)

Lucie

xxx


	13. Willpower

The happiness of the proposal was short lived. They had gotten back on Earth, but reporters had spotted them. In their little bubble of happiness, they had neglected their secrecy. Reporters from every races were speculating on their relationship, especially since they had spotted the ring on her finger. Admiral Hackett had tried his best to contain the rumours, but he was wasting his time. And the fact that the Council still hadn't replaced Donnel Udina was even more hard for him, as Shepard had not a lot of allies in the Alliance. Mikhailovich was rubbing is hands in glee. He had what he wanted: proof of fraternisation between the Commander and his subordinate.

Ashley was panicking. Of course, she wanted to marry Shepard, but she didn't want to lose her career either. She had worked for this, and the fact that it could be ripped from her just because she had fallen in love with Shepard was making her even more desperate and angry. _As if I had any control over this_.

"It's okay, Ash. You'll find a way!"

Ash and her sisters were at her house on Earth. They had come back after hearing the news about her engagement. As soon as they had arrived, they knew something was wrong. After all, they had heard the news on TV, and not from their sister...

"You don,'t understand! It's a catastrophe! The trial is next month, and we don't have anything to defend ourselves. We're screwed."

Abby shook her head and looked at her sisters. They all had sad looks on their faces. They knew it would be hard. Ash was right. The Alliance had proofs, Ashley and Shepard hadn't.

"I'm sure you're going to be fine. Both of you. I think Shepard earned at least some recognition for his efforts. He almost died up there. For them. For the entire galaxy. _That_ should mean something, right?"

Ash looked up. "He already died once, and it still wasn't enough. I don't think this time is going to change anything."

"By the way, where is he?" asked Sarah.

"He is sleeping. He doesn't feel very well. Hearing some journalists saying that he 'was fucking while the galaxy was burning' didn't help either."

"He doesn't take it well, I suppose?"

Ashley sighed. "No. not at all. I think it's more difficult for him than for me. I know that a lot of people think that I, I quote, 'fucked my way up', I know they are just trying to make me react. They're stupid. They don't know anything about us, or me. But Adrien...it's different. He is tired. He is tired of people always questioning him, questioning his loyalty, questioning everything. What the reporters say makes him feel bad. Dirty. They don't know what their declarations do to him. I know he loves me, but sometimes, he stares at me, and he has this look in his eyes, you know, like...he is sorry or something. He has too much on his shoulders, _again_. He feels alone in this, even with his friends."

"Does he still go to see this psychologist?"

"Yes, he does, but it's still difficult."

Ash's omnitool pinged. She looked apologetically at her sisters, and opened the message she had received.

 **From: Hackett, Steven**

 **To: Williams, Ashley**

 **Subject: EMERGENCY**

 **Lieutenant Commander,**

 **I know this is probably not a good time, considering the circumstances, but your presence is requested immediately on Nodacrux, Vostok system. A new base has been found, and it appears it is still inhabited.**

 **Prepare the Normandy. You have to leave in 2 hours at the latest.**

 **Hackett**

Ashley sighed. She didn't want to leave Shepard alone. "Girls, I'm sorry, I have to go immediately. I can't tell you where. I don't know when I'll come back."

Lynn's eyes grew wide. "What? What are you going to do? What about Shepard?"

"I don't know, Lynn. I'm not happy about this either, but I have to go. I'm going to see him. Can one of you stay here? I'll call Marc, see if he can come, but if he can't I want someone with him."

The three of them nodded, and she made her way into her bedroom. She softly opened the door, and saw that he was still asleep. She slowly closed the door, and sat next to him. His brows were furrowed, and little beads of sweat were slowly rolling down his face from his forehead. He really didn't felt good, and it seemed that his sleep wasn't very restful either. She stroked his cheek, his five-o'clock shadow rough against her hand. She shook his shoulder gently. She didn't want to surprise him. To surprise a trained soldier in his sleep was a _very_ bad idea.

His eyes shot open, and he gasped for air, his arms flying in every direction. She caught him, holding him tight against her, his head in the crook of her neck, her chin on top of his head, his shoulders and his back on her chest. He was breathing heavily.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay, now." She said to him, he struggled for several seconds, gasping for air as if the room hadn't had enough of it, and he slowly calmed down. "It's fine, now. You're okay." With her cheek now resting on his head, she felt it. "My God, you're burning up! What didn't you call me?"

He answered slowly, his voice weak. "It's fine. It will be better tomorrow."

She put him back in bed, his head resting on his wet pillow. "I am going to call Miranda, okay? I don't want you to stay like this."

He began to protest. "No! I don't want to go to the hospital! I'm fine."

It was like arguing with a small child. Or a drunk man.

She cut him off. "No. I don't want to hear it, okay? I _am_ going to call Miranda, whether you like it or not. You _are_ going to the hospital, because I am going to leave for a mission in less than two hours, and I'll feel better knowing you're at the hospital, especially in your conditions. And you _are_ going to listen to me, because _you_ are in no position to argue. Clear?"

"But can't you call Marc? I'm sure he can wa-"

"I said _no_. I was going to call him, but you're too sick for this. You are going to do as I say." He looked at the foot of the bed, ashamed, and tired. She sighed. She had been too harsh. He wasn't a child. "Listen, I'm sorry okay? I'm just worried about you. I know that you don't feel well, but I also know that what the reporters are saying about you are hurting you. I just wish you could talk to me about this. I'm here for you. I'll always be. And the team is with you too. I...I just can't go on a mission and be worried sick about you, okay? I have to stay focused."

He mumbled a 'yes', but it was clear that he was unhappy about the situation. But he had to admit that what Ash said was true. She needed to be focused on the mission. One distraction, and everything could go to hell. And she was also right about the reporters. He was so tired to hear everyone talking about him, as if he wasn't there. As if he was dead.

"I'm not happy about this situation either, okay? But Hackett called, it's very important."

"I know..."

She smiled sadly, and kissed his forehead. "I'm going to call Miranda. I'll come back. Just get some rest."

She exited the bedroom, and noticed her sisters looking at her.

"What?"

"We heard him scream. Everything's all right?" Asked Sarah.

She sighed. "Not really. He has a fever. He is going to stay at the hospital while I'm away. I'm going to call Miranda."

"Oh...okay."

She went to the bathroom to have some privacy, and dialled Miranda's number.

"Hello, Ashley."

"Hello, Miranda. There is something wrong with Adrien. He has a fever, and I can't leave him at home. Is it okay if he stays at the hospital? I have to go on a mission, and I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone."

"Sure, no problem. How long has it been going?"

"I don't know. This morning when we woke up it was fine, but I checked on him five minutes ago, and he was burning up, so it could be an hour, or it could be three."

"Is he in any pain?"

"No. Well, he is in his usual pain, you know. And he was having a nightmare when I came to check on him."

"What was it about?"

"I don't know. He was sweating, I woke him up, and he just started kicking everywhere, and gasping for air. We didn't talk about it, I don't really have time, I have to go, I'm really in a hurry there."

"Okay, I'll come with a shuttle. I'll bring him at the hospital."

"Thank you very much, Miranda. I'll see you later."

She terminated the call, and went back to the bedroom. He looked at her when she entered. "She'll be there in a couple of minutes." She began to prepare her duffel-bag for the mission, and sent a message to the team of the Normandy for the departure.

 _Rendezvous at the Normandy in one hour, one hour and a half tops. Briefing on the ship._

She finished to prepare her stuff, and put her duffel-bag on a chair nearby. She could feel Adrien's eyes on her. She turned around, and saw him staring at her. She slowly made her way to the bed, and sat on it. She smiled at him, and stroked his cheek.

"You okay?"

He sighed, and avoided her gaze. "I know I told you that I'll find a way, but...I don't know anymore."

"That's okay, Adrien. Everything is going to be alright."

It was ironic, in a way. Adrien used to be the strong one. He was the one to say those kind of things to her. He was the one to tell her that everything was going to be okay. He was the one to reassure her when they were in bed, back on the SR1, when she was asking ' _God, what are we doing? Are we crazy, Adrien?_ '. He was the strong one during the war, when the galaxy was collapsing. But now, he was just a shell of himself. And for him to admit that he didn't know what to do was a testimony of all those years of suffering, when he was carrying the truth that everyone denied on his shoulders. It was the testimony of his tiredness about everything, about the pressure. It was just too much for him to handle.

"Please, be careful on the mission. I don't know where you are going, but...just be careful."

She could see the fear in his eyes. It was rare to see this. But he couldn't hide his fears anymore. She had already see this fear in his eyes, not so long ago, after another nightmare. She had held him tight, and she had almost cried when he had whispered to her, looking at her straight in the eyes ' _I'm so glad you're here. I don't know what I would do without you_.' It was unfair. He didn't deserve all of this. And among all of this, she had to reassure him. But she was scared. Adrien was always the strong one. This time, she needed to be the strong one. For him. He was slowly slipping away, she could see it. She had lost him once, she just couldn't lose him twice. He had just proposed several days ago. Everything was going to be okay.

"I will. Don't worry."

Maybe she was trying to convince herself too.

* * *

 **A/N : I know, small chapter, but I wanted to post you a little something. I know it's dark. The next chapter will be the mission, and it is going to be even more dark, but don't worry. They are both fighters :)**

 **REVIEW PLEASE, I WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK, I LOVE HAVING REVIEWS, IT KEEPS ME GOING.**

 **For those who watched Lost, I wrote a oneshot. Check it out if you can, I'll be happy to know what you think about it.**


	14. Emptiness

**A/N: Hey! Sorry for the delay, very stressful months for me. Hope you are doing fine. Please leave a REVIEW, it makes me happier than the number of readers. Also, I put some references to Lost here and there, for those who have seen the show (best TV show ever), hope you find them ;)**

"I already went to Nodacrux."

Vega turned around, facing her. "Yeah?"

Ash stood up, and walked in front of his desk in the Cargo Bay. "Yep. There was an ExoGeni facility there. We went down with Adrien and Garrus. It was ugly. They were experimenting. Dr. Ross I think it was."

"What do you think there is down there, this time?"

"I don't know. You heard Hackett and Traynor during the briefing. No information, expect that it is maybe still inhabited."

"Sounds bad."

"Yeah. I think I'm going to take one of the new recruits. 2nd Lieutenant Marino seems eager to go on a mission."

"She's a great soldier. I saw her practice here in the Cargo Bay. She certainly knows how to fight."

"Yes, I saw her too. She seems down-to-earth."

Vega began to do pull-ups. "She's kind of discreet."

"Yeah, I'm glad she is. Two like you? I don't think I could handle it."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny." He stopped his pull-ups.

"Very funny?"

"Ma'am!" he saluted, smiling.

"That's better, Lieutenant."

A silence followed. Vega spoke up. "So...I heard about the marriage. Congratulations, _Loca_."

She smiled weakly. "Thanks, James."

"But considering I didn't hear it from you or from the Commander, I suppose something is wrong."

"Yeah...The press saw us on the Citadel. It's all over the news. The trial is very soon, and we don't have anything to defend ourselves."

"I'm sure you'll find something." He strode toward the weapons to check each one of them. Ash followed, installing mods.

"I don't think so."

"So...how's the Commander's doing?"

She sighed. "Bad. Before we left, I sent him to the hospital, he had a fever. He struggles to accept what the press says about him."

"And what about you?"

She put down the M-15 Vindicator she had been modifying. "I just...I don't understand, you know? It's like every time we are happy, something happens. And now that I have to be here for him, to be the commanding officer, the only active human Spectre, I kind of wonder if I have what it takes. To be the strong one. I'm amazed by him, I don't know how he did it during the war."

Vega put down his weapon as well. "Why don't you take some time off?"

"I can't, James. Look at the galaxy, there is still so much to do. I just can't take some time off now. I'm an Alliance Officer, _and_ a Spectre."

"I know, but think about it. You haven't stopped since the end of the war. You went on missions, you helped with the rebuilding, you helped the Commander...It's a lot. I think it will be good for you. Spend some time with the Commander without thinking about the mission. I could take your position for a while."

"Ah, now I understand why you want to kick me off the ship, ha!"

"Well...I heard that the Captain's Cabin is very comfortable. Right?"

"It's pretty comfortable, you're right." They chuckled, and a silence followed. "I'll think about it James, thank you. I'm going to talk to 2nd Lieutenant Marino, I didn't really have time to socialise with her yet."

"Okay, see you later, _Loca_."

"See ya!" She took the elevator. "EDI, where is Lieutenant Marino?"

"She is currently in the mess hall."

"Thanks, EDI." She pushed the button for the mess hall.

"Logging you out, Lieutenant Commander."

She acceded to the mess hall, and spotted her at the table with other members of the crew, chatting and eating. Several members saw her and saluted her. She nodded in their direction, and took a seat next to the 2nd Lieutenant. Marino spotted Ashley and saluted her.

"Ma'am!"

"That's okay. I didn't really have time to talk to you, so I'm just wondering if this is a good time?"

She nodded. "Yes, no problem. What do you want to know? Is my dossier incomplete?"

"No, it's not about your skills or anything. It's kind of a 'Normandy thing'. The crew here, it's like a big family. We know each other, we're like brothers and sisters."

"Oh, okay, that sounds nice. What do you want to know?"

"Well, we'll start with the basics. Where do you come from?"

"I was born on Earth, in Italy. My father was a scientist, and my mother a doctor. We moved around a lot, because my father was doing researches on almost everything he could find interest in. I spent some time on Arcturus after I joined the Alliance. My parents weren't very happy. They kind of hoped that I'd followed a 'calmer' job. But I always wanted to join the Alliance. The universe, the stars...it was so beautiful from Earth. I wanted to go up there."

"That sounds nice. Where were you during the Reaper War?"

"I stayed on Earth with the resistance. I met Admiral Anderson, once. It was hard. I saw a lot of people die."

"And your parents?"

"My father made it out. He was working on the Crucible, so no security problems. My mother... I don't know. I didn't hear anything. I like to think that she is there, somewhere, but..."

"It's okay, I understand. We lost a lot of good people there too."

"Yeah, I heard. The salarian, Mordin? My father was very interested in the genophage too. He would have loved to meet him, the salarian who cured the genophage."

"What is your father doing right now?"

"He is on Earth, trying to find a way to help people, to make life easier for those who are left alone, like how to produce food in a field full of eezo without it being contaminated. People tend to forget that the war massively polluted the planets. My father tries to find a way to overcome this."

"Sounds complicated."

"It is, but he is very determined."

EDI chimed in. "Lieutenant Commander, we are going to reach our destination in half an hour."

"Thank you, EDI. Lieutenant, suit up! You're going down with EDI and me."

She saluted. "Yes, ma'am!"

A quarter of an hour later, the team was in the Cargo Bay, in full armour. "I want Marino and EDI with me. Vega, I want you in the shuttle with some of the marines for backup, or in case someone in the building escapes. We don't know what's down there. There are going to be two shuttles. Cortez will lead the marines there with Vega. EDI will drive the second shuttle. Be prepared. Don't do anything stupid. Understood?"

An echo of "yes" was heard. Everyone picked up his weapons and entered their respective shuttles. They both started their engine, and began their descent to Nodacrux.

The mission was as much as a mystery as the previous one. No information. Corporal Souma was still in a coma. He had pulled through. They still didn't know if he will be able to speak, the brain damages being extensive. For this mission, Ashley hoped to collect data, or even be able to have witnesses. It would be a huge advancement. However, they still had to be cautious. _Please, not another Thorian_.

The base was old and dirty. Parts of it were just rubble, like ancient Greek monuments. The fact that the base looked old was strange. When they went on Nodacrux almost 4 years ago with Shepard and Garrus, that base was not there. They had swept the entire planet – mostly because Adrien was having as much fun as a kid, jumping off mountains with the Mako –; they just couldn't have missed it. The entry of the facility they were looking for was under some rubble, nothing very heavy and difficult to move. On the entry was written the exact same thing as the previous base: QUARANTINE, in salarian. _Doesn't look good,_ Ashley thought.

"EDI, scan the door for any trap."

"Acknowledged. Processing."

"Marino, watch our backs."

"Yes, ma'am!"

With her rifle raised, Marino scanned their surrounding area. It was beautiful to see, all this green. It looked like a paradise. Too bad they weren't there for a vacation.

"Scan completed. No trap detected."

"Thank you, EDI. We're going in. EDI, open the door. I'll go first. Marino, I want you right behind me."

EDI opened the door, and they rushed in. Empty. The only sound heard was their footsteps. They began to move forward, inspecting every piece of furniture. There were desks everywhere, as if it was the main floor of a random corporation, like the ones in the vids back from the 21st century. The most intriguing fact was that it was clean. It was strange, considering the fact that the building was buried under rubble. Maybe someone had done it on purpose. But in that case, why cover a building with all kind of rocks to make it look like abandoned? Something important must be here. Something someone does not want anyone to find.

"EDI, can you scan the building, tell us if there are hostiles? I want the whole area swept for any evidence. Any data you can find."

"Acknowledged. Scanning."

While EDI was scanning, Marino crouched. She had a datapad in her hand, and was scrolling through it. "Ma'am, I think I have something!"

Ashley crouched next to her and took the datapad. It was a list of names, some sounded human, other sounded more like turian or salarian. One of the name caught her eye.

 _Tsurugi SOUMA. Corporal. Alliance Navy. Aged under twenty, human standard age. Subject OA-815. Not fit. Orders: eliminate the subject._

 _According to the experiences led by our scientists, the subject is not fit for our project. Reactions to outside stimuli are not strong enough. The subject tends to be too weak to support any more intervention. Recommend death immediately. Erase the file as soon as possible._

 _Subject OA-815 deleted._

"What the hell is that?"

"Well, it seems that they didn't have time to erase it completely. We bring back that on the ship. You never know, maybe we can trace something from it. All those other names, maybe bodies have been found that we don't know about."

"Yes, Lieutenant Commander. I'll take the other datapads on the desks."

Ashley nodded.

"Scan completed. I detect several signatures ahead in the room on the right."

"Thanks, EDI. Let's go."

They headed for the room indicated by EDI, and opened it. There eyes widened.

"What is that!?" said Marino.

"Yahgs."

"This is _huge_!"

"We are lucky they are locked up in those cages."

In the room were at least five cages with two Yahgs per cages. However, their behaviour was strange. They did not reacted to Ash's team entrance. Yahgs are famous for their height, but also for their violence when in contact with other races. Here, it were as if they were blind and deaf. They did not move, did not roar, did not acknowledge their presence.

"EDI, are there any other room?"

"No, Lieutenant Commander. This is the last one."

"Shit! All we have is this datapad and those Yahgs! They always leave before we have a chance to catch them! Something is not right, they have information, they have someone from the inside. It can't happen twice in a row!"

"Who do you think it is?"

"I don't know, but it must be someone important." Ashley called James through her earpiece. "James? It's clear. I want the marines to come and collect as much information as they can. Sweep the whole building."

"Aye aye, Lieutenant Commander."

Ashley looked at the Yahgs. Still no reaction. "EDI, do you think we could transport those Yaghs in some labs for analysis or something? They're acting strangely."

"I do not suggest any kind of transportation. It would be more prudent to bring scientists directly here to do the analysis."

"Yeah, you're right. Can you perform a scan on them?"

"I can do a preliminary scan, but it will not be as efficient as a full scan from the right equipment."

"That's okay, do it."

"Scanning...Scan completed. I detect synthetic brain tissue. Synthetic endocrinal organs."

"It doesn't make any sense. Why someone would do that?" said Marino, stunned.

"I don't know. Let's meet with the marines and help them search for evidence."

As she had said, the marines were there with James, going through every datapad in the area. They found two others with a list of name.

"I'll also give them to Liara, see if she can find something on one of them." Ash said quietly to James.

They went back to the ship, with this bad feeling in the pits of their stomach. Something big was going on, but they didn't know what, who, or even where. The debrief with Hackett was short. You can't fill emptiness, after all. Scientists were going to come in the base and study the Yaghs and their synthetic tissue. A mix of synthetic and organic? It wasn't good. After this, Ash gave a brief call to Liara to give her the files, and her day was over. Another day with nothing.

She had this feeling of failure, weakness, uselessness. She left Shepard for another mission where she didn't bring anything back to Hackett. She knew she was a great soldier, it wasn't the point, but to not find anything was frustrating. She fought too hard for this. She was going to catch the man or woman who did that. She was going to succeed. But for the time being, she had a trial to prepare.


	15. Burning

**A/N : Sex in this chapter, beware.**

* * *

 _I don't know where to begin. Kelly said that it might be good for me to write things down. Things that are too hard to say without me breaking down in tears during our meetings._

 _So here I am, writing to no one in particular._

 _I already did that. I used to write the nightmares I had after I touched the beacon for the first time. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm glad I pushed Ash out of the way. I don't want her to suffer the way I do._

 _She already does so much for me. Everytime she comes home, whether it's after a mission away with the Normandy or just from the office at the Alliance HQ, I know she is scared and worried. I see her face softening with relief when she sees that I'm okay._

 _I love her, I really do, but I'm scared for the future. I'm scared to not be enough anymore, to be a burden even if she says the contrary. How can you live like that? Being worried sick about your husband at home, everytime you're on your way home, thinking that maybe I won't be fine, maybe I'll be crying my eyes out, or even on the floor with my throat sliced opened because I had a nightmare too powerful, thinking that it was reality?_

 _Okay, I might be a bit paranoid here, I'll never do that to her...I'm just scared that she'll leave me because I'm too much of a mess. Just thinking about it makes me sick... I hope she never reads this. I know she'll feel sad for me, and guilty. I know what she will think, that she doesn't show me enough how much she loves me. She doesn't need to, really... I know it. She risks her career for me, of course I know how deeply she loves me._

 _I didn't tell her, but Miranda called me yesterday, and told me that I might have my fingers back soon. After Ash sent me to the hospital because of the fever, I spent a day recovering. It was just a small bug. My body is still very weak, my immune system too. I did a lot of progress in physical therapy, and that's why Miranda told me. She said I was ready for my fingers only, not for my leg yet. (she doesn't have a leg for me anyway)_

 _I know Ash will be thrilled to hear that, but I just don't want her to think about my after-surgery recovery until the trial is done._

 _Shit, the trial, I had almost forgotten it._

 _I said I'll find a way. I don't know how, or when, but I will. I'll do everything I can to protect Ash's career. She gave everything to the Alliance, to our mission against the Reapers. I owe her that much, and the Alliance owes her too. I hope the brass will listen to me for once._

 _I think she'll fight me on this, but I'm thinking about going away for a bit, just the two of us. I don't care about the press anyway. They already saw us, there is no point in hiding anymore. That will probably look bad at the trial, but we're going to get married anyway, so why should we hide? Fuck the brass, maybe they'll see the light if we show the world how happy we are together._

 _I know all of our friends will testify. They'll say that it didn't impact our judgment, and as far as they are concerned, we are together since the SR2, not the SR1, it makes it a bit easier. I don't think I could bare them saying that Kaidan died because of me... maybe because I still feel guilty about it, and sometimes I am myself wondering if this is true... if I saved Ashley because I couldn't live without her already._

 _I hope he has forgiven me._

"Adrien? Are you there?"

He quickly closed the notebook he had and put it in the drawer next to the bed. "Yeah, I'm in here!"

She opened the door, looking at him suspiciously, but amused, "What were you doing in there all alone?"

He smiled, "Just thinking..."

She arched an eyebrow, sitting next to him on the bed, "About us, going on a vacation."

She laughed. "What are you talking about honey, the trial is next week, we can't go on a vacation," she saw it was the wrong thing to say when his smile faltered at the mention of the trial. "I'm sorry, but we can't. Not now. After the trial, yeah, why not?"

"But why can't we go now?" It came out more like a whine than an actual question, but he just couldn't help himself.

She sighed. _Here we go again_. " _Because_ , you need medical attention, _because_ we need to prepare for the trial next week. I'm really sorry baby, I'd love to go on a vacation with you, but now is not the right time," she answered softly. She meant it, she really wanted to go. Their first real vacation as a real couple.

He groaned, dramatically falling backward on his pillow. He was such a baby sometimes. He took one of her hands, caressing it with his thumb. "I just want us to enjoy a nice weekend together without thinking about all that. Just pretend that everything is normal."

She smiled weakly. "I know. I want things to be normal too. But for that, we have to win this trial, and thus, be prepared for it," he smiled back, "come on, dinner's ready."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Remember, we have a meeting with Hackett tomorrow to set up a defense for the trial. He said he'll give us a hand," Ashley said when she was putting away the dishes.

"That's nice of him."

A silence settled. "You okay, Adrien?"

He looked up. She was wheeling him into the bedroom, "Yeah, why?"

She helped him into bed, "I don't know, you seem...happier since I came back. Something happened when I was away?"

He smiled. That's true, he was happier. He was not fighting Kelly anymore, and gave himself a hundred percent at every session in physical therapy. He didn't want Ashley to leave him because of his condition. What Miranda told him yesterday was just the icing on the cake. The only dark cloud hanging over their head was the trial, but he was on the brink of getting everything he ever wanted: a life with his soon-to-be wife.

"I'm just happy with you, that's it. And soon we'll be married.," she joined him in bed, her hand supporting her head on his chest. "I'm about to get everything I ever wanted. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, and thinking about what I _don't_ have. What I _do_ have is you, and it's enough."

Her eyes glistened at his declaration. Shepard was hardly a romantic, but since he woke up from the coma, he was expressing more and more his feelings, and tried to express them in multiples way. His near-death experience changed a lot for him. "You're sweet," she murmured against his lips. "I love you too," she whispered when they broke apart.

She doesn't know why she did it, maybe it was the way he was looking at her, his eyes full of love and admiration, but she kissed him again, sweetly. He sighed against her mouth. The kiss grew hot and hungry, and their hands started roaming in places they hadn't touched in months.

In one swift movement, she straddled him, never breaking their kiss. His hands settled on her hips and his thumbs drew circles on her hipbone. She could feel him getting hard through his boxers. She kissed every inch of his face, his jaw, his cheeks, his nose...

They wasted so much time already, she couldn't wait anymore.

He was tugging at her shirt. She drew back and removed it herself. Her breasts were on display in front of him. "You're so beautiful. You're perfect," he sat up and began kissing his way down her neck, her collarbone, the valley between her breasts, and put a nipple in his mouth.

Ash arched her back towards him, her hands in his hair, urging him on. He was kneading her other breast with his hand, and then switched. Ash whimpered, and a wetness pooled between her legs. This man was driving her crazy.

He stopped licking her nipples and kissed is way up her mouth again. She broke the kiss and kissed her way down his chest. She kissed his knuckles, where his fingers were missing. She put one of them in her mouth, her eyes locked on him. He thought he couldn't get harder, it was almost painful.

She kissed her way down again, avoiding the bulge in his boxers, and kissed his hipbone. Still looking at him, she kissed his stump, as if soothing the pain away. He was entranced, he just couldn't look away from her. She then kissed him full on the mouth, her hand going into his boxers. He tensed when she started pumping him.

He let escaped a moan, "Fuck, Ash, I won't last..."

It's been so long since...the last time.

"It's okay, Adrien..." She stood on her knees, removing her underwear, his shaft in her hands, and started lowering herself onto him. They both moaned at the contact. "Oh God, you feel so good..." she said in a whisper.

Her eyes were closed, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' shape, and he fell in love with her all over again.

She opened her eyes, her eyes boring into his, and started moving. Shepard had his hands on her hips, guiding her. They were both panting, the bed moving and crashing onto the wall. Ash started going harder and faster, both nearing the end before they wanted, but needing to come. They knew they wouldn't last before they even started.

"Fuck, Ash, come with me..."

He put his hand on her clit, and she cried out in ecstasy. They were both whimpering, and then they just exploded. It was a mix of moans, whimpers, and pleasure at the same time. Their climax was consuming them, pushing them into the fire. They were seeing colors.

She then fell on his chest, panting. They were both sweating but they didn't care. He was still trapped inside of her. He kissed her forehead, and caressed her back.

After catching his breath, he spoke up, "That was...unexpected."

She looked up, and they burst out laughing, "It was. But it was amazing, too."

He put a tendril of hair behind her ear, and cupped her face. "Yes," and he kissed her again, slowly and sweetly.

She pecked him on the lips, "Let me go to the bathroom."

When she came back, he was looking at the ceiling, a happy smile on his face. He had an arm behind his head, the sheets just above his waist, his chest on display. He was not as muscly as before, but he was still beautiful in her eyes.

She kissed his chest and put her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her and drew her closer. "I missed this..."

He sighed. "Me too..."

She looked up and cupped his face in her hands. "I promise we'll go on a vacation, but after the trial, okay? Just the two of us..."

He smiled and nodded. "Okay..."

They kissed. What had happened was certainly not the best sex they ever had. It ended way to quickly, it was not how they pictured their 'first time' after his coma to be, but it was perfect.

* * *

 **A** **/N: Nope, I'm not dead. And no, I haven't forgotten this story. Reviews are appreciated. You can guess what the next chapter is... ;)** **Also, I've updated the first few chapters of this story. Check them out if you want.**


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